bipolar memoir
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- Parts 13
Ongoing43m
Last published Sat, May 25, 2019
This is a story of loss, love, struggles, and mental illness. I'm telling the whole honest truth about the things I love and lost. This is to help me cope and have an understanding of my journey while having it on paper. I'm trying to document every truth in my life so I will never forget. Here are multiple writings about my life all put together in a jumbled mess. I would be ashamed but to be honest this is who I am. I am bipolar disorganized artist girl from a small town in southwest Arkansas.
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psyhco
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A Lovely Life
Journey with me back in time as I rewrite the first Journal I kept from when I was in high school, and see that maybe even with how horrible life is most of the times, there are little things spread throughout that make life worth living. My high school experience was full of drama, tears, laughter, and most of all constant search of love, and approval of the people around me. I can't always get what I want in this world. Life is a beautiful mess. It's not perfect, and filled with a lot of disappointments, and heartbreak. There are moments when it all feels too much, but there's not much we can do other than go with the flow of things.Complete
Cold Water
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ DepressionComplete
Crushed Underneath the Surface
For years, I've been writing in silence, creating worlds, characters, and stories that lived only in the margins of my notebooks and tucked-away folders on my computer. Writing has always been my escape, something I've done for myself-a way to step out of reality for a moment and breathe through the lives of the people I've imagined. I've written and rewritten countless stories, always hesitant to share them, never quite confident enough to let anyone else peek into the depths of my mind. It's always felt like just a hobby, something personal, something safe. But deep down, I've carried a quiet dream of becoming a writer, even though it felt a little foolish to hope for something so big. Now, after pouring myself into this story for what feels like a lifetime, I've finally done it-I've uploaded all my chapters to Wattpad, sharing this piece of me with the world. I know I still have so much to learn, and I'm always striving to get better, but I would truly appreciate any feedback-good, constructive criticism that can help me grow. This is just the beginning, but it feels like a huge step forward. Thank you for taking a chance on this book. Whatever brought you here, whether it was curiosity, a recommendation, or just a moment of wandering, I am truly grateful.Complete
Her Breaking Point
He had rules for a reason, or thats what he said. I did something wrong I got punished. I spoke out of turn, I got punished. I looked at him or ate without permission, I got punished. Haven thats what they named me funny isn't it? Ironic really. They named me Haven because my mom would say I was her 'Safe Haven'. What a pile of shit that was. She left willingly, she didn't depart because of some tragic accident. My father didn't kill her. She left because she was a coward who didn't want kids. As soon as my older brother went to college she left. I knew she hated me. I was the product of her love with another man. A constant reminder that her life didn't work out the way it was planned. He who ever he was is a phantom in its own. A deep rooted fantasy never going to come true. My brother left, my mother left, my grandma ignored, and my father broke. They let me give up hope on escaping and then decided to play hero. But I haven't forgotten everything I went through. Guilt consumes my brother but I don't care, you don't get to leave and then buy a reprieve of trying to save someone who has been dead for years. Besides lets just be honest I reached my breaking point long ago.Complete
Pieces of Me.
Hi there, how are you? I hope you're okay. Like the title says, this book is made of pieces of me, sort of like a diary. Each chapter has its topic, message and feeling. I write it as my life goes on, pouring my heart out, mentioning a lot of the past and situations I haven't overcome, voicing my struggles, wins and losses, lessons and pain. I hope this helps you somehow, I mean, if I'm gonna be posting my life anonymously on the internet I can try at least to help someone. Never forget, you are not alone. This is for you. Good luck :) *trigger warning*- please if you get triggered easily or are going through a hard situation don't read this book, specially the chapters: Puppy thoughts. The Need. -Sequel: Head High (on my profile)Complete
Seeking SOMNUS
"As I lost everyone, I didn't want to go through this, I've learned in this thick and thin that no matter what I go through I will have to put myself first, not because it's what I solemnly want but it is what I need in my rest of my journey." ____________________________________ This is going to be a story based on someone's dream. Which is really beautiful to have as an experience. Please read and do share your comments and thoughts with me. You can actually vote too, there's nothing harm in that. *Warning* - little abusive language. Give it a little try and enjoy the perks. Love you all. ~maniComplete
Elizabeth
Some things are never meant to happen the way that they happen. Some things are not supposed to break the way they break, but we are not in charge of this earth. We cannot oversee how things are fixed and how they break. We are only capable of putting the pieces back together...mending broken hearts and healing empty souls. Why him? They ask her constantly. Why the heartless man to comfort the hurting soul? Because, she always responds, even after countless mood swings, crazy demands, constant reassurance, and stupid arguments, he never gave up on her. Why her? They would ask her every time. He'd respond the same. Because I don't want to court her in bed. I want to love her in life. Polar opposites attract. Elizabeth and Romeo attract. They just want to love each other in life through the pain, the agony, the abuse, the depression, the anxiety, the mafia, the breaking, the fixing, the helping, the hurting. It's just love at the end of the day.Complete
Evolution
There are a lot of things you don't really think about until they happen to you. Take rape, for instance. I always thought, "That won't happen to me. I have a boyfriend. I trust him. He would never take advantage of me like that..." I couldn't have been more wrong. Love in this day and age is often confused for manipulation and abuse. The warning signs are here. The things we say will tell us everything that is wrong. You are worth more than what you think you are. It's not your fault. If they tell you otherwise, get out. Burn the bridge. Always remember someone is waiting for you to walk into their life. Someone needs you. Someone loves you. Getting away from all of the wrong people and finding the right ones could save you. I can promise you right now that it saved me. These are the journal entries and selected poems from my first experience of love that left a unpleasant taste in my mouth- quite literally. I am putting this out for the whole world to see because I hope everyone will learn from my experience. People can see. We have no excuses to continue living our lives in ignorance. ...WARNING... HARMFUL THEMES INCLUDING MENTION OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, AND RAPE. THIS HAS EXPLICIT CONTENT. RECOVERY AND AWARENESS IS THE PURPOSE OF SHARING. DO NOT READ IF THESE THEMES ARE OFFENSIVE OR HARMFUL TO YOU.Complete
Can I Say Goodbye?
I'm always searching for something worth staying for but I can't seem to find that until then please don't mind me because I'm just a traveler passing through. When I'm not satisfied or happy I'll leave and find a new path, so just let me say goodbye... Can I say goodbye? I wrote till my hands bruised and heart bled. I wrote and wrote in hopes that some day, somebody will understand my words and all the things I wish I could say... Each poem is a story. My story. Some are fictional but most of them are true. I know you're curious. From painful heart breaks to high school stories. A person dealing with mental illnesses, fears and abuse. Won't you like to know about the drama?Complete
𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒 ✓
╰┈➤ ❝ [I stood there in unequivocal revelation, the lagging pain slowly catching up with me, but before I could release a fraction of the pain into my screaming, a bell rang, and suddenly, pilfered from my body was the ability to move. My face neutral and my muscles disabled as I fell face-first into the hard, scathing rock that lay unmoved before me.] 》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ * 。° 。 • ˚《 Imagine awakening in an environment you deemed unfamiliar, your back thrumming in pain, with your mind staying clear of how you ended up there or simply the moments that lead to your position. You try to find a way out and later realize that you can't even remember who you are; your memories purged, your identity unknown. It takes you a good amount of time, pain, and effort, and eventually you manage to gather tiny fragments of who you were along with the trauma of how you retrieved it, but it's okay, maybe it's all worth it as you finally make contact with another person. Turns out she was your best friend. Finally, it looks like all is turning up until you learn of all the inhumane things you've done in your past, things that evade your newfound morals, things that were so detrimental to society that when you hear the reason as to why you've been enduring such agony, you understand why. How many people did you even end up hurting? What did you do that was so bad, that it made millions wish the absolute worst of you? What will you do now?Complete
Journey with me back in time as I rewrite the first Journal I kept from when I was in high school, and see that maybe even with how horrible life is most of the times, there are little things spread throughout that make life worth living. My high school experience was full of drama, tears, laughter, and most of all constant search of love, and approval of the people around me. I can't always get what I want in this world. Life is a beautiful mess. It's not perfect, and filled with a lot of disappointments, and heartbreak. There are moments when it all feels too much, but there's not much we can do other than go with the flow of things.
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