In Search Of You

I loved you. I loved you with the love I learnt from this society. Did everything they defined love to be, to stare into your brown eyes, to notice that slight dimple in your smile, to watch you for hours and hours. I obsessed over you. I obsess over anyone I love. I don't know how to love otherwise. Heck I wanted to marry you. Then things changed. You were never rude, just real. The only real thing in my fairytale life. You taught me life isn't a fairytale. Heart breaks and tears are all part of the journey. I spent hours wondering and talking about you. I thought no-one could ever replace you. But then I saw who you really were. I prayed to Allah that I wanted to marry a guy of honour. That I'm the daughter of a respectable man and someday I want to marry a respectable man. I've finally realized you aren't my type. I need to know why you came into my life.

Now I know someone. I'm attracted to someone. But that's it. I don't obsess over him which is why I think I don't love him. I'm scared of another heartbreak. I'm not ready for it. Not yet. Nor will I ever be. It took me endless days and nights of crying, begging Allah to help me. I don't want another heartbreak. Please. No more of these one-sided love traps. No more of those detective games. No more. Teach me what love is Allah. Teach me your way. I'm tired of falling for the wrong guy. I'm afraid of falling again. Ya rabb I'm losing hope.