Free Spirit

"I never wanted so much of a glance in my direction. Now, I get stares. I am judged by the world on what I choose to do, who I choose to date," I lingered on the fragment of the sentence, thinking of what to say next.

My mind was frantically trying to put together something to say. My thoughts were bouncing around my head, going millions of miles per hour. Worried phrases screaming, "Don't say this. It'll be skewed. People will think this." "Stop. What will Chase say? You need to keep your image as spotless as possible." It took all of my might to push them back, forgetting about what people will think. Honestly, I couldn't give less than a fuck. I never have. I've been coaching myself for the longest time that I need to be straight up in this interview. I wanted to be as genuine as possible.

"...And who I choose to be. I wasn't always this starlet. I wanted to be an artist for a long time. You know, the ones that paint and sketch and draw. I loved it so much. I felt like my spirit relaxes and I can create whatever I wanted, and whatever world I pleased. Lately, I don't know, I feel caged. I have to be this girl who is strong and can handle the attention and fame. I loved my life before all this. When I was normal, almost. Now, I feel lost. I've missed the feeling on what it's like to be, I don't know, free?" I squirmed a little, my hand grasping the leather couch, a little too hard. I swallowed hard.

'I think you over shared a little too much, Nicole', I say to myself.

I looked up at Sanja. She nodded her head ever so slightly, in agreement. I could tell that she only wanted the truth. She knew I was always asked about when my next album is coming. Or way-too-personal questions about my family and my friends. Especially about Brandon. Oh yeah, and about my cup size.

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Loosely based on the book series, Dork Diaries.