Poisoned Ivy

Death.
1.the action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism.
2.the state of being dead.
3.the permanent ending of vital processes in a cell or tissue.

It was toying with me ,like it always had ,running wild with abandonment as it littered the walls of my brain.It spread through my joints whispering ,calling out to my spirit as if it could be the only welcoming feeling allowed access to my body.

Growing up I had always assumed it was impossible for black girls to hear the unbeknownst cry of true sadness."Black people don't kill themselves girl that is no myth they ,just figure it out or suffer trying " became a popular catchphrase amongst a group of idiotic idioms that I had grown accustomed to as a child. It hurt ,this was painful especially when I felt that the odds of life were always churning against me . Especially since the people who were supposed to be there for you the most believed that I was purposely putting myself there.Bullshit

So explain it ,explain how someone with skin as brown as mine ,hair as dark as mine,texture as curly as mine could not find it in herself to love herself or not be annoyed by the acoustic of her own voice.Explain why being around too many people made my hands clammy and my brain stuffed. Explain why it's so hard for me to make a connection , to be loved ,to have fun ,to exist.Why?

( I'm bad at descriptions ..first " serious" book )