I began to think, as one does when they don't know what the fuck their doing with their lives. Confused wasn't even half of it. Through it all I couldn't, for the life of me stop thinking of Nyx and her pretty hair and the way her eyes flicker with light when she looks at you, and dammit I couldn't help but cry because there was something so beautiful on this planet, something that seemed so pure and beautiful, here I was wanting to exploit it I wanted to touch her cheek and fucking cry because of her and how insane I felt over her. Knots in my chest, my tongue tied in my mouth, a blabbering baboon, a fucking child compared to her. Her her her her her her her her her. Nyx Nyx Nyx. She reminded me of cloudy days and heartbreak but it felt - No I felt and that's what made everything seem so impossible, I felt something for her and me running away like a coward did nothing for me. But at the same time running helped me in every way. I needed to run to hide, I wasn't ready to accept the fact that I fucking like Nyx like- like oh I don't know like - I've never liked anyone before and I was so god damned scared. A girl. A female. I liked a girl. The words felt like sour milk in my mouth as I said them out loud, indigestible.
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