Funny Statuses [Book One] - penguin5689 - Wattpad

Funny Statuses [Book One]

Reads 54,386
Votes 2,675
Parts 200
Time 30m

Reads 54,386
Votes 2,675
Parts 200
Time 30m

anythingispossible comment completed facebook funny grim idc idkwhattoputhere like randomness reaper status tags twitter vote whatsapp

Want a good laugh? Bored? Tired of the same old boring statuses on Facebook, Twitter, etc? Can't think of something hilarious or quite witty to post as your status? Have no fear, penguin5689 is here!! Here to bring you some of the most hilarious statuses known to man, and several known to monkey. I thought, well if everyone else can do it, so can I! It's time to add some spice to your life...
  
  ***Be on the lookout for a sequel!!!***All Rights Reserved

anythingispossible comment completed facebook funny grim idc idkwhattoputhere like randomness reaper status tags twitter vote whatsapp

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200 parts

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I DON'T KNOW by ImagesMayInspire

This is my blog. Containing all rants, thoughts, and opinions about this crazy Mofo we call earth. All of these may or may not target certain things, but are not MEANT to offend any readers. As it is used purely for humor and comedy, so if any of you decide to go to the comments and whine about it I will just laugh at your stupidity. So as a last note before you delve into the hilarious (and strange) thoughts and experiences of well, Me, Most things in these words are mine. And feel free to use them whenever you like. ~C

Mr. Vincenzo | 18+ by inkedofstars

Originally Published: January 2024 onwards Original Reads: 715k, Votes: 12k Republishing (after being deleted): February 26, 2025 onwards ~ • ⁠༶⁠ • ~ When my dad told me his best friend was finally returning back to his hometown, I expected him to be someone who got me bored with a word, not the one who got me wet with a look. I expected him to be someone I would rather ignore, not the one whose fantasies I pleasured myself to. I expected him to be an addition to my dad's drinking group, not the one I'd prefer to eat me out. I expected him to be someone my dad went out with, not the one who brought home my college bestie. More or less, I expected him to be an uncle, never my hottest-ever one-night stand.

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑛𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑦 𝑠𝑢𝑏(𝐺ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑥 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟) by michaelmyers_whore69

She leaned closer, her breath hot against my ear. "Can you please 𝐹𝑢𝑐𝑘 me sir?" With a wicked grin, I tightened my grip on her thighs. "Since you asked so damn nicely." ****** 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑘𝑒𝑑 𝐷𝑜𝑚 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑥 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔? 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠? 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑢𝑝? 𝐹𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑣 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑎𝑙𝑙.... #1 in sexiness on March 14th 2025;) ❥︎❥︎❥︎❥︎❥︎❥︎❥︎❥︎❥︎ ♥︎𝐾𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑙𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 ♥︎𝑆𝑒𝑥 𝑠𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑠 ♥︎𝐻𝑢𝑔𝑒 𝑠𝑚𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 ♥︎𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 ♥︎𝐵𝑑𝑠𝑚 𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑣𝑖𝑒𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑑𝑣𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑑:) ♡︎♡︎♡︎ 𝐷𝑒𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑚𝑢𝑡𝑡𝑦....𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑛𝑜𝑤⚠️;) Best rankings!: #1 in ghostfacexreader March 28th 2025;) #1 in sexiness March 28th 2025:)

Lost in the woods (18+) by faithmarcellaa

The moment she noticed her handler forgot to lock the small room behind him, she wasted no time making a run for it. There's only one problem though. She had no clue where she was. Surrounded by endless trees she was stripped of having any sense of direction but that didn't stop her motives. The girl began her journey and ran for what felt like hours, stumbling upon a small abandoned home camouflaged deep in the woods. No second thoughts, she took shelter. Soon it's discovered that the home was indeed not abandoned, but already claimed by someone. He studied her from the corner of the room as she stood there, oblivious to his presence... **WARNING** -ABUSE MENTIONED -SEXUAL EXPLOITATION / TRAFFICKING -SOME EXPLICIT DESCRIPTIONS MAY TRIGGER PEOPLE -18+ MATURE CHAPTERS FAR AHEAD ;))

Le Gasp The Club by _Baby_Bitch__

If you say le gasp you are welcome here. You will not be criticized or punished for your choice of language here. Le gasp is accepted among us members of society. If you say Le gasp as well, I welcome you with open arms to join us. You are home now my children. Let us embrace. {Basically me venting bout life and my chisme} (This is really for fun, if you want to have some too then please join the family!) [slow, unsteady updates] #9: random thoughts #38: tagging #34: community #2: legasp

𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐲 |✔️ by letsbswaggin

"Can I ask you a question?" Alexander says looking me in the eyes while laying back and holding a blunt. "Mhm, ask away.." I replied curiously, focusing on him. "Are you a virgin?" He says looking me in the eyes. I gulped surprised at the question he just gave me. I nod innocently knowing I'm already blushin' "Yes.." I Answer, "Ye ye." He smirked sitting back inhaling his blunt. I raise my eyebrow confused then he looks back at me. "You can't be a virgin." He says staring at me. "..And why's that?" I question. "Sweetheart, you just walked past me and I'm already hard." I bite my bottom lip, "don't do that.." he trails, eyes dark. "Why.." I say looking him deep in the eyes seeing him tense up. "It does things to me..." he starts, "what things?" I say innocently, He then moves closer to me, takes my hand and puts it on his rock hard dick. I widen my eyes. He comes closer and I could feel his hot breath on my neck, then whispers in my ear, "Bad things..." ••• ⚠️mature content⚠️ ⚠️smut warning⚠️ Finished: 5th September, 2021 <3

I won't be impressed by technology until I can download food by hjerterdame

Hello there fellow humans. Get ready to listen to my story. If you can... Understand my humor... Then... You will love this... "Batman out" *Hits a wall* "To be or not to be" "Wait, wrong answer" Highest ranking: 2 in humor. Wait... 2 as in 2! Wow! This is my life folks. No I'm not kidding. It's all for real! Now I must get back to my Toothless plush named Batman!

BHA males x seme male Ghoul reader op by Pegmen2020

❗WARNINGS❗ (Btw this really got off topic) _________________ Cannibalism Drugs Cussing Gore Self-harm Depression Murder Abuse (Mentality, Physically and Emotionally) Anxiety disorder Panic attack disorder Complex trauma Madness(crazy\Psychotic tendencies) No mercy 18+ content Dark humor Dirty jokes

𝘿𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙇𝙔 𝙊𝘽𝙎𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉 || 𝙅𝙀𝙊𝙉 𝙅𝙐𝙉𝙂𝙆𝙊𝙊𝙆 by talesofdessertsoul

𝘼 𝙈𝙖𝙛𝙞𝙖 𝙍𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 " 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙣 𝘼𝙧𝙩. 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙡𝙮, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙩'𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙡𝙮. " ~ 𝘼𝙇𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙍𝙊𝙉𝘼 𝙀𝙑𝘼𝙉𝙎 🦋💐🖌️ " 𝙎𝙪𝙣 ! 𝘼𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙖 𝙇𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝘿𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙉𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 , 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙚! 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙩 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣! 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙛 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙊𝙧 𝙈𝙮 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙇𝙔 𝙊𝘽𝙎𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉, 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙪𝙣 𝙜𝙤 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 ! 𝙄 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙤 𝙎𝙪𝙣! " ~ 𝙅𝙀𝙊𝙉 𝙅𝙐𝙉𝙂𝙆𝙊𝙊𝙆 🥂👄🔪 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙖 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙈𝙖𝙛𝙞𝙖 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙡𝙮 𝙤𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙬𝙞𝙛𝙚? 𝘼 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨. 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝘼𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙. 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙠. 𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙢𝙪𝙩 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙥 𝙞𝙩. 𝙐𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚 .

☆ 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬|ˢˣˢ☆ by slutszn4me

𝙶𝚡𝙶 𝙾𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜 #𝟸 𝚘𝚗 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚋𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔 [𝟷𝟸/𝟸𝟼/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺] #𝟷 𝚘𝚗 𝙼𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚋𝚢𝚖𝚎 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔 [𝟷𝟸/𝟸𝟽/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺] #𝟷 𝚘𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚘𝚏𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 [𝟷𝟸/𝟸𝟽/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺] #𝟷 𝚘𝚗 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚋𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔 [𝟷𝟸/𝟹𝟶/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺] #𝟷 𝚘𝚗 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚍 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔 [𝟶𝟷/𝟶𝟸/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺]

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I DON'T KNOW

This is my blog. Containing all rants, thoughts, and opinions about this crazy Mofo we call earth. All of these may or may not target certain things, but are not MEANT to offend any readers. As it is used purely for humor and comedy, so if any of you decide to go to the comments and whine about it I will just laugh at your stupidity. So as a last note before you delve into the hilarious (and strange) thoughts and experiences of well, Me, Most things in these words are mine. And feel free to use them whenever you like. ~C