Scars.

It's not the same as it was ya know? I don't cut anymore to feel alive or to know that I'll bleed, it's about feeling the pain and knowing that I deserve the pain. Knowing how imperfect I am and living with that everyday hurts like hell. I want to end my life so badly, I want to pick up that blade so badly but i can't. I made a promise but a promise is just a few words isn't it? Who cares if you keep a promise. My scars are healing and I don't like it, not being able to feel the sting in the shower or feel the burn whenever you put on pants isn't a good feeling. I just want to have that feeling again, is it to hard to understand that I want the pain to go away? If suicides the only answer than so be it. I can't take this anymore, the theses of therapy and the courts and social workers. I'm just done with it all. Just let me have those pills to stop my heart. Why can't you just let me die? Please just let me die.