I can feel you pulling away from me, gradually putting more distance between us. Until the time comes, when I wouldn't be able to measure how far you've gotten. You've already made up your mind and I no longer intend on changing it. Because the same way you made up your mind to get to me, to reach out for what once peeked your curiosity and seemed different, Only for it to be the reason you call me out for, is the same process I went through trying to get back what I, back then , thought I had ruined. But whatever the cause may be, I know i've left an imprint in your heart, I know that you did right by me the same way I did right by you. Or at least that's what it seemed like.
You see? I don't mind if you hate me for it, despise me even. only because I've made it clear right from the start that I'm not the one for you, that I can't give back the love you so willingly and wholeheartedly gifted me.
Nevertheless, would you rather spend your life with someone who semi-loves you? At the end of the day, would you want to be with someone you can never really have?
I don't know if I can truly find it in myself to search out an answer to these questions that keep hunting me. Yet I do realize that you , without putting much thought into it, figured out that it's better to move on than settle for a 'what if'.
Even so, how did you find it in you to abandon your so called 'first love'?
Another question left unanswered.
Elliot's partner was his whole world, but after Allan's death, his ghost haunts Elliot's dreams. Everyone tells Elliot to move on, but he isn't sure he can.
*****
It's been a year since the love of Elliot's life, Allan, passed away. Everyone thinks he should have recovered after that much time, but Allan still haunts Elliot every night. He struggles to maintain relationships with his family, and despite a coworkers interest he can't summon up the courage to date. Elliot is living for the past, because to live for the present means he'll have to live with a hole in his heart. But the question Elliot has to face chases him through his monotonous days: is mourning Allan with everything he has truly living?
[[word count: 40,000-50,000 words]]