Tongue-Tied

Hey! So, if you aren't a fan of Homestuck, this really will sound like a bunch of nonsense. Just a short warning before you find yourself asking, "What's a sylladex? Who's John? And what is up with these weird commands?"
Anyway, this is a sort of self-indulgent fic I wrote. Sort of a really soft-core Inglorious Bastards, but with bullies instead of Nazis. It'll all make sense eventually.