The Boy With The Brown Eyes

I thought was smart didn't I? You know,constantly trying to convince myself that I am happy and wanted by the people around me. I keep lying to myself...thinking that bad things happen for a reason and that after my little "problems" have been dealt with everything will fall in place. What an idiot I am hey, there will never be happiness for me I don't deserve it ,sweetheart. I am one of the only few people who will never truly experience bliss, not even a small portion of it.

Why am I not happy? I get that question frequently from different people in my life. I am not happy because there are things that I need and know very well off,that, might make me feel complete. I feel incomplete,like I need someone or something to close the many holes in my heart. I will never be enough for myself,you or anyone else...you don't have to lie to me and try to convince me otherwise because I got to this conclusion all by myself.

What do you want? I seek love and embracement, if it is even real,knowing that love is such an overrated word. I envy your smiles,laughter's and beauty maybe that's why you have all of these things. I wish God could help me find that love and give me a human that will be able to embrace me in and out with no fear nor sympathy .A human that will understand me,accept me and sincerely love me with no terms and conditions, a kind love filled human and who can handle me with my flaws and issues too. That,that is what I want I guess.
But for now I am alone,lonely and suffering from my heart's affliction and currently trying to deal with it.