My Immortal -- Rewritten

Alright, we all agree -- My Immortal was a very badly written fanfic. We disagree about whether it was intended to be a parody or not. I think it was, but that's besides the point.
The point is that it was badly written. However, I think there's a lot of value in some of the bad exaggerations of emo/goth subculture, and I want to make that even more visible and parody-driven after removing the bad spelling and adding a more... intellectual sense of humor.
So here's my parody of what I believe to be a parody, which I wrote because it was a parody that could've been more paradoxical. Welcome to this clusterfrick, enjoy. (continue reading description for warnings and other information)

Warnings -- The original work contains self harm, suicide, and bi-phobia, plus a large helping of explicit sexual content. I'll be keeping all of that, but I'll try to make it more tasteful/tasteless to suit the story and what I deem less harmful or more funny.

I'm going to be updating every few days until I've rewritten everything, but once I'm finished I may do another sweep through to add plot and develop the characters. This will be simultaneously posted on the Emo Amino, though I may end up linking them here because of inappropriate content.