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An Unhealthy Appetite.

An Unhealthy Appetite.

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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing<5 mins
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Mon, Oct 14, 2019
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Non-Fiction
It's the story of a child. Called useless, fragile, weak, pathetic, flawed and a waste of space. The story of a person who has lost them selves and been broken. The story of a people-pleaser. A person who bends, breaks, and changes soley based on the likes and dislikes of others. Someone who has built them selves to serve others, be useful and productive to all. Someone who changes who they are just so that one day someone will find actual worth and sentiment in them. Until that day comes how ever, they are erratic. Afraid of being useless and flawed. Afraid of being anything but pleasant and purposeful. A person who can do anything in essence, only to serve those around them because if they can't do anything and everything then what use are they? This person inside screams and cries, and is confused as to who they are. This person outside is smiles, devotion, adaptable, and pleasantry. A person who doesn't know if they can handle it for much longer. That is the story.
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"There comes a point where you no longer care if there's a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You're just sick of the tunnel." - Who I am doesn't matter. How I got here doesn't matter. What matters now is I'm getting help, right? That's what they tell me here. They tell me that the road to recovery feels like a terrible butt fuck, but the fact that you're on the path to begin with, is all that matters. So as I sit in this circle of fuck ups, I realize just how different I am from them. I didn't attempt suicide because my mother was a crack addict who didn't want me. My father wasn't abusive. I didn't have a sibling die in a car accident. I was never really bullied either. I attempted suicide because, for the first time in years, I thought I had found something that could make me feel again... and after not feeling much at all for far too long, perhaps I went a bit overboard

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