The Fight I kept within Me
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- Votes 38
- Parts 24
MatureComplete Mon, Feb 1, 20211h 20m
Tell me, Lord, why me? Dealing with this pain and misery. The weight of the world on my shoulders is killing me, trying to provide for me and my family. The devil is content and focused on stopping me guess it is like back in the day where we all sin. I am focusing on a higher power just changing what's within but it's hard. I wish I would have known it from the start instead of being born into this world with a permanent scar. "Thou shall not kill but you see the killing is daily innocent blood being spilled from aborted babies. Shit is crazy but this is the life that you made for me a permanent pavement." I walk I let my light shine but I am steady stuck in the dark this never-ending story of conquering and amazing glory is this what you really wanted for me? I'm asking will I ever see better days lonely nights on my knees I prayed but do you hear my cry or look and nod your head and walk by but fuck it you know I tried just have mercy on me when I die.
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The leaving. It was hard, tragic , painful, yet it had to be done, I needed to save my life. I didn't want to start again, this would be the story of finding myself, pulling myself back together, reuniting the happy go lucky youngster I had once been. The shock of leaving took more of a toll on me than I thought it would. I had asked two people to help me move out of the house I had shared with my partner for 8 years, we had been together 23 years in total. The move was done in total secrecy, my partner could never know in advance, it was a very scary time. I had moved various things out of the house and secured a rent on a property nearby. The house I picked was near the School the children went to, and my oldest lad was going to be near his best friend. My Mother told me of the property it was advertised on the web, we both went and had a look, even that was scary, I didn't want to be seen by anyone and became paranoid that I would be caught out. For many months I lived on a new kind of fear, the fear of someone finding out that I planned to leave my abusive partner, though of course no one knew my seemingly happy, funny, generous partner was abusive. Finding the house was one thing, getting the various companies to connect the house and exchanging the information of my current address so they could varify that I was, who I said I was almost drove me mad. The day came to leave, My Mother and a very dear Friend came round as early as possible, we packed as much as we could. This included taking the boys clothes, bedding, toys, stuff from the garden, my stuff. We had 3 cars the packing seem to take all day. By the end we had to get going to be able to unpack, leaving me time to pick up the boys from School and settle them in their new home. I couldn't do it at first,I started to cry then scream, to leave the world I had put so much of my life into, and now in a split second would be leaving was breaking my heart.
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