Your Nerd
- Reads 201
- Votes 11
- Parts 10
"You know, I did actually think about dying," Evan whispered out of nowhere.
I glanced at him and was surprised when the shadows formed dark areas under his eyes; it looked like he had aged fifty years over a span of a few minutes. I longed to reach out and erase the dark bags so that he could go back being who he was, who he was supposed to be.
He sucked in a deep breath and continued.
"My friends used to harm themselves as often as they could with razors, scissors, and even their own fingernails. I tried the razor thing; I almost fainted, which I'm grateful for now. I also tried using my own two hands. I couldn't bring myself to making more than one scratch though. I also thought about just taking pills. I had never felt so low and I did truly want to kill myself, but something always held me back."
He looked at me and a small, nervous smile spread across his face.
"I think it was because I knew I would let you down. I knew my actions would make you miserable. And I also just wanted my friend back. If I would've killed myself, then how would I have gotten back to you?"
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My heart pulsated through my chest and I didn't think I could hold on for much longer. The frightening, terrorising feeling of his fingers slipping through mine was causing the arm that was gripping to the edge of the cliff to shake. "Hold on, Harry! I've got you, I swear! Please, just hold on!" my voice held a shrill of terror to it and my eyes were filling with tears; tears of pain, frustration and sheer horror. Harry moved his gaze from our slipping fingers to my eyes. "It's okay, Ethan. Let go. You can't save me; not this time." I hated how calm his tone was. I hated how defeated he sounded. He had never given up - we always held hope for one another! We never gave up. "Don't you say that to me! Don't you fucking say that to me!" I roared, a small sob escaping my lips. Harry just smiled sadly, his muscular, beautiful body swaying in the harsh wind. The fall was so big; he would surely die of a heart attack before he hit the ground. I prayed to God he would. No. I was breaking my own rule; I would not give up on him. Either both of us lived or neither of us would. My life would be over the second his ended, anyway.
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