The things I could never tell

These things in my life I can't tell anyone, because I don't think anyone would understand, plus it's not that hard to fake a smile when there are not many reasons to smile for real...... Till I met him, a magnet and he is like poison in my veins is so sweet, but will my insecurities get in my way like always? Could I ever change?
***(warning there is profanity, depression mention, sexual intentions/thoughts, and mental "illness" mentions )***
My first book, I'm sorry if it's not the greatest, I'm trying. And due to school, I'll try to keep a regular chapter publishes every Friday. Hope you enjoy to those who read, I intend for those to relate and have a place to escape.