The Demons in Me
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- Parts 2
MatureOngoing<5 mins
Last published Sat, Nov 2, 2019
I was 12, maybe 13 when I started to change my eating habits. Half an apple a day (and sometimes as little lunch as possible to not worry my family) would keep the fat away, I was telling myself. I did not know how to lose weight any better and this I knew:
I wanted nothing desperatively more than being skinny.
How I developed an eating disorder, how I challenged my soul and starved my body and how I've grown since then. Basically, this is the story of how I fought the demons in me.
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He had rules for a reason, or thats what he said. I did something wrong I got punished. I spoke out of turn, I got punished. I looked at him or ate without permission, I got punished. Haven thats what they named me funny isn't it? Ironic really. They named me Haven because my mom would say I was her 'Safe Haven'. What a pile of shit that was. She left willingly, she didn't depart because of some tragic accident. My father didn't kill her. She left because she was a coward who didn't want kids. As soon as my older brother went to college she left. I knew she hated me. I was the product of her love with another man. A constant reminder that her life didn't work out the way it was planned. He who ever he was is a phantom in its own. A deep rooted fantasy never going to come true. My brother left, my mother left, my grandma ignored, and my father broke. They let me give up hope on escaping and then decided to play hero. But I haven't forgotten everything I went through. Guilt consumes my brother but I don't care, you don't get to leave and then buy a reprieve of trying to save someone who has been dead for years. Besides lets just be honest I reached my breaking point long ago.
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