A-Z : How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

I grew up watching zombie movies. And if you're reading this, you're either incredibly desperate or are as fascinated by mindless idiots as I am. But this manual isn't a joke. Zombies are real, and if you haven't made that realization yet, you will soon. However, all the fictional literature is a complete and utter lie. They made zombies appear to be droning, moaning morons, with blood and guts hanging from their mouths. Yes, zombies actually have blood dripping from their mouths, and yes they make funny noises, but real zombies are fast and vicious. While not overly intelligent, they won't be fooled by simple trickery, or avoided by hauling your butt away. Unless you're a marathon runner, you won't avoid inevitable death by using your feet. So listen to my advice because I'm smarter than you, and you may survive long enough to find a Twinkie. (Reference and I mean- Twinkies. Who can resist the disgusting yellow glob?) Good luck, fellow zombie-snack. Try not to die. (Not that I care.)