vol 3

In November 1978, over a year has passed since music icon Ryan Ross announced that he was retiring from the public eye and quitting the world of music. He is far from being forgotten, however, as his musical influence can be heard on the radio everyday when Brendon, the frontman of His Side, starts singing. Brendon was, after all, famously discovered by Ross. But even as His Side is on the radio and touring state after state, Ryan hasn't been seen. And Ryan likes it that way, really. It's what he wants: to forget and be forgotten. Until, one day, someone starts digging up his past, forcing him to come face to face with everything he's trying to run away from.

I wasn't home. I was somewhere, sure, but it wasn't home. And I knew that they had whisked Brendon off to Los Angeles for his music project, so he wasn't in New York when I arrived. I could not come back to him. And in the kitchen was the ghost of a girl, humming along to the radio, dancing in place as she cooked dinner. And in the living room was the ghost of a boy, putting a new record on and then joining me on the couch again, curling into me, pressing his nose against my neck, and I smoothed down his hair and took a hit of the joint, and he smiled against my skin and said I smelled good, and I loved him.

There are no words to describe what emptiness feels like after that. It's not even empty, which would suggest the presence of something before or a potential to be filled.

It was just... nothing.