After

The first few day's won't seem real, at all.

It still doesn't feel real to me that my grandpa's gone, it's been four months.

There are moments that you'll completely forget he's gone.
You'll think to yourself, "I'm gonna call grandpa" or "grandpa would love this, I'll show it to him", but you quickly realize, in the same moment the thought appeared, that, you don't have a grandpa to call or show anything to anymore.

You'll be fine one minute, and a mess the next.

It comes in waves, for me at least.

The regrets you have about not being a better granddaughter, those are horrible.

At times you won't be able to breathe, and your chest feels as if it might implode.

The memories, and missing them, it's unbearable.

You'll get flashbacks, I swear they take a little piece of me every time one comes.

There's no way to put this lightly, holidays and birthdays will fucking suck, that's when it'll hit you the most.

Knowing you won't have him there for Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas morning.

Knowing he will never have another birthday, and that he won't be able to watch you grow anymore.

It's all horrible.

But, I have hope that it will get better, eventually.

Just take your time, let yourself feel everything.

Find comfort in the fact he's no longer suffering.

Find things to keep you busy.

Stay strong for him, let him be your drive, the reason you do better for yourself.

Even if you feel like giving up.