Diary From The Carrot Union - Poofball Poofball - Wattpad

Diary From The Carrot Union

Reads 6,047
Votes 1,352
Parts 32
Time 2h 46m

Reads 6,047
Votes 1,352
Parts 32
Time 2h 46m

animals anthropomorphic blackcomedy cynical darkhumor dryhumor dystopian furries gullible humor political politicalanimals rabbit russia russianhumor satire wacky

TESTIMONIES

"Dude, the world building is top notch right from the start. It's thematically consistent, the names are zingy and attention grabbing. And we have good concise info being fed to our brains. I love your style." - @SpuriousSimulacrum

"This is great so far. Having spent years in Eastern Europe, this humour is equal parts nostalgic and poignant. You've taken the best bits of 'Animal Farm' and '1984' and turned it into something unique here. Definitely added to the reading list for this summer. Can't wait to read more. Well done." - @Mystery_Twins_LTD

"This is just such an entertaining read. Seriously, it seems like it should be on Adult Swim or something:)" - @stkingnaturally

To Moshare I came seeking fortune, but they're making me work til' I'm dead. And here I am, drunk in the side of some sort of concrete monument in this So-Called rabbit's paradise.

Let's check the news...Good! Extra slices of bread for everybody! Ummm, Carrots and cabbages have exceeded their quotas, and the Animalist Party held yet another victory parade, as the Carrot Union has won another war on Talabar Front.

And oioioi...'m just too scared to give a shit about it, as Commissar Nikita said whoever protests gets detained, sent to the gulag,  and quote on quote, "And never is able to see vodka again." 

Yes, yes! Funny people I hear every day on the wiretap. Stuff ranging from a guy that stole a stapler, and another guy drugging his coffee with laxative, or some kids setting off fireworks near a retirement home filled with veterans and getting shot by the Carrot Guard Bureau, the CGB

But hey, I thought I could share my story here! This place might be a shithole, but hey, who knows what the future might bring? Other than atherosclerosis from eating too much-fried cheburek

Right, to the story.

Credits to @annabellacx for editingAll Rights Reserved

animals anthropomorphic blackcomedy cynical darkhumor dryhumor dystopian furries gullible humor political politicalanimals rabbit russia russianhumor satire wacky

Table of contents

32 parts

Sign up to add Diary From The Carrot Union to your library and receive updates

or

Content Guidelines

You may also like

The Goalie's Good Luck Charm (preview) by still_just_me

After a one-night stand flips a grumpy hockey goalie's bad luck, he pursues his team's new dental assistant to rebound his abysmal season. Trapped in a small town, my life has been planned, controlled, and boring. After my sister and I failed to keep our family's bakery afloat, I'm free to steer my life's ship...Except I don't know what I want and have no idea how to adult. A year of sleeping on my sister's boyfriend's couch and getting bitten by kids while cleaning their teeth is not living. When the anniversary of losing our bakery reminds me how far I haven't come since then, a wild, anonymous one-night stand is just the stress release I need. Putting him out of my mind is challenging, but my luck turns when I land a specialist dentist's assistant job. It's for a pro hockey team, where, unfortunately, my steamy one-night stand is their grumpy goalie, and the coach doesn't believe women can remain professional around his players. I don't have time for the giant manchild refusing to get his teeth cleaned or socialize with anyone, including his teammates. The team's solo win comes after our night together, convincing Connor I'm some lucky charm who can turn around his demoralizing slump. All I care about is getting settled on my own despite his sexist coach, but when he threatens to reveal our secret, I'm forced to prove superstitions are hocus-pocus nonsense. 18 + for explicit sexual content #1 sports, #1 spicy PREVIEW: full story is available on Radish: https://radishfiction.com/stories/31711

"No Life 'Til Leather" by NUmaker

Sometimes shit happens. Hey, it's not always your day, it's alright. One moment you're riding high, soaring above these mud-riddled plains with the king of mercs by your side, another, you're running far away from the crater he blew himself up in. You've really outdone yourself this time. W's dead, there's angel blood on your fingers and something itches to grow out of your skull. To pierce those gray curls of yours and bask in the twin moon's soft gaze. Something brewing deep within, eager to dim that halo forever and shatter your wings. A piece of you that's always been there, always hiding and growling, waiting for its moment to shine. So, hit the lights, Andy. Give it some stage time. Let yourself live a little. Throw out that Lateran jacket, put on some leather. Grow a pair of horns, befriend a fiend. Forget Laterano, forget Lungmen. Kazdel is your new home. And your new home's where you rightfully belong, you little rascal. Hellooooo people !! Here we are, a SPIN-OFF story of my "Curly Head" series, in which Andy actually went on that one job he previously ditched and got himself into quite a predicament. In this one, I'll turn the angst-meter down, I promise. W and Andy, happy times. :D This is, of course, perfectly fine as a standalone work, I think, but if you're new and wanna brush up on the lore then you can do just that! Series starts with "Goodbye Curly Head", rest is pretty straightforward. Summed up: thirteen year old boy from Laterano ships himself off to fight in the Kazdel Civil War for peacekeeping reasons, situation turns to shit at the end of his tour, forced to stay in Kazdel and make money as a merc, meets up the first W's crew at the age of sixteen, circus-slapstick follows. Ps: I'm not giving up on "Almost Green", only taking a small break and also delivering some much needed fluff-ish stuff. Tell me you thoughts in the comments, I tend to reply to every single one of them and love reading through them all! Have fun!

Disastrous Life - BSD Fyodor Dostoevsky x Female Reader by TheNameisKomiFu

COMPLETED🍒 ----------------------------------------------------------------- You are an orphan girl in the street that live by yourself. You have no home to stay, you just wondering around the world and become a criminal. Somehow an accident made you trapped into many kinds of trouble. When you fall apart with your broken mentality in a weird place, a tall man with weird hat brought you and your story has begun. With your own eyes, you saw many things, but keep searching what can you do in a lot of disasters. Mystery about what are you actually, haunting you and ended with your only decision to choose your own story. ----------------------------------------------------------------- BSD Fan Fiction --> I make fan fiction story from Bungou Stray Dogs. All the right was on Kafka Asagiri. This is BSD - Fyodor Dostoevsky x Female Reader fan fiction. Hope You Enjoy it! Fyodor D. x Female Reader

All Hail The Hoard (18+, Vore warning, Erotica warning!) by MrMisterNiceGuy

18+ WARNING! (If you are under 18 years old you're a loser!) *Whew* Now that we got the chumps out of the way.. After the long war, Amais woke. He didn't know how long he'd been asleep, but when he found a curious little creature in his cave he knew it had been for some time. And when he found out the world had advanced thousands of years without him he sought information. Only to realize he had been TRANSPORTED TO ANOTHER WORLD. With demons ravaging the city, Amais must use the power of sadism, friendship and hot gay sex to overpower his enemies. And he's gotta do a lot of stupid shenanigans to get there with his super hot fanboys/harem intact. But maybe a quickie first. This is a harem building, furry porn, slice of life kinda. Also it's gay. 👍 *Warning* This story contains vore, inflation, bondage, stuffing, weight gain, penises and overused isekai tropes. Enjoy~

"Goodbye Curly Head" by NUmaker

Through thick and thin the Law shall prevail. A new sense of purpose awaits us, children of light, in the land where it all began. The darkness in which we once cowered in fear, now curbed by the might of our endless light. Come, brothers, come, sisters. Let there be peace among the wicked, just as the Law dictates. Peace and certainty is all that you have ever longed for, little angel. A bright, stable future. A roof without holes above thy head. Acknowledgement and recognition of thy existence, feverish dreams of grandeur. Greed born from yearning, treacherous vines of rapacity taint your innocent soul. You seek a future that does not exist. Let thy fingers hold the fragile line between dream and nightmare. Let thy light navigate the path. Shall thee give in and falter, O' land of old, envelop his body in thy unending flame of chaos. Spit out nothing but an empty husk, the remnants of a smile once so bright. Shall thee prevail, O', Great Kazdel, I ask of you, the impossible - take mercy on the innocent. Don't let the radiance dim and don't let the mind turn bleak. Wake, young traveler. Bid thy farewells and burn thy bridges. It's time to say goodbye, curly head. Cross post from AO3. For a shorter and more on-point description, look no further! I had something silly written up before throwing it out in exchange for that wall of text upstairs. It's a little story "about a young, dumb sankta who's been dealt a bad hand at life, looking for his place in all this mess. The pointless search for a better future leads him far, far away from home, to a country forever ravaged by war and misery - Kazdel, the promised land where devils roam free and peace feels out of place." Anyway, it's quite lengthy, but hopefully enjoyable? Slide a comment if you want, I'll give you a tiny kiss on the forehead. Man, do I love comments. (Lastly, to point out, English is not my native language, but I don't think it'll be much of an issue ;3)

Scanny Boy (Highschool DxD x Male Reader) by DashingBanana

Do yourself a favor... Go read "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse" and/or "Messing with the Supernatural" This story is more dead than my will to live. But if you're willing to not take the story seriously and read for shits and giggles, this is for you. If you're looking for stories with plot and some comedy, I already recommend the stories above :D The story got discontinued due to make lack of enthusiasm and bad writing in the end. I wanted to finish this story and got too ahead of myself back then, so it does have a non-DxD ending. Its a shitpost and will always have a place in my heart as the first story I wrote and killed. I can understand why people discontinue books and do remakes. Sorry, this was me rambling and telling my thoughts on this story almost three years after I wrote it. Now I'm in college and it feels weird looking back. Ahem... Prepare to be utterly confused Well, kind of. I don't know anymore. It's a 50/50 between "Haha funny" and "What is this shi-" Anyhow you're still reading this so might as well give you an actual description. A world filled with supernatural and mythological stuff without the humans knowing.... Well most of the humans. Some of course know and side with on of the three factions: Angels, Fallen Angels, and Devils-- "WHO FUCKING CARES!? SHUT UP YOU NERD! WE GET IT! THREE FACTIONS BUTT FUCKING EACH OTHER WITH DILDO SHAPED LEGOS! AAAH-" ... I don't know why I keep this thing alive anymore. But it's kinda fun Starring Y/n L/n. Welcome to the world of DxD. A young lad with quite the... Mentality... Let's go with that. Started: November 9 - 2020 Expect SOME 4th wall breaks. That's a lie, expect them occasionally. I do not own Highschool DxD,so please do not ban me. I also don't own the pictures used in here, I mostly Google them and just download, then edit them using a meme generator... You heard me right... A meme generator... God fucking dammit. What am I doing with my life? Bababouy

Communist Cuisine: Red Army Rampage! by VegaTheStarr2

[warning fellow chiken nuggies! *THIS MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE FOR SOME AUDIENCES* I do not support propaganda nor am I propaganda artist. Every character and event is fictitious. This is has high amounts of blood, gore, violence and etc. It is recommended but strongly imperative that you prepare your nerves, the full might of Vega's story writing skills will be set apon this story!] [You have been warned. If you wish to continue, do so at your own risk as genocide and other horrific acts will be mentioned.] ☭ • The Red Army shifts into Berlin during some days and nights. The reason? For a victory time feast. The meals will be filling, with screams of horror of course. Soviet soldiers will enjoy a huge buffet, thrown by a sneaky and sly general. If you are a Berliner, hide; Because this will be a looooooong week. To the soldiers of the Red Army, Prepare for a great feast, for the hour of revenge has struck!~ • ☭ ☭ • The Germans live in uncertainty during the great feast. But they know they are a part of a Russian's main course. It is only a matter of time they start picking their snacks. The Wehrmacht and Volkssturm forces try in vain to drive back the Russians, but it only fuels their appetite further. The more fighting and German hate propaganda, the more bigger a Russian's appetite grows. Soon hundreds of Red Army soldiers will be stuffed full of delicious Germans, satisfied with their revenge. It's no use crying and begging the Russians to reconsider, they will never spare a German, but they will devour them, bones and all. •☭ Will the Germans survive their ethical fate or will the Soviets return to the Motherland stuffed and full..?~ Will the Germans hide and huddle; Hide from the atrocities the Red Army will commit? Or will the Soviets relax in their homes, full and satisfied from their communist binge?~

The Furry Fallout: Book 1 - The World After The War (Male Reader x Furry Harem) by EnnoJohan_Official

***THIS STORY IS NOT COMPLETE. I AM TAKING A MENTAL HEALTH BREAK*** "War... War never changes." The world has seen many technological advances since the end of the war between Ukraine and Russia, which was both a blessing and a curse. In 2072, a war breaks out between the modern sidings of the Allies and the Axis. Americans, Germans and the British Colonies made up the Allies, while Russia, North Korea and China made up the main three of the Axis. The war was at its worst in 2077, when Y/N had just returned from a mission in Russia. He was sent home due to the alleged endangerment of his fellow soldiers, however, this granted him some immunity. His home was in a small town that was populated by no less than 30 people, and nearby was a cryogenics testing facility in the form of a vault. The company that owned it, Vault-Tec, was a government-funded organisation that worked to find ways to preserve human life in the case of a global disaster. Due to Y/N's service history, he was allowed into the vault during the nuclear warhead exchange between America and China, and that's where our story starts. (Fallout 4 belongs to Bethesda All art and music in this story belong to their respective owners Y/N belongs to us)

Slime-Cycle (Humble Beginnings) by shroom_mush_

In a world filled with superhumans, the powerless charlie cycle struggles to keep his life together. It only gets worse when on his way home hes pulled into a choke hold and shot. But instead of dying, his life was saved by the sentient living slime who holds a few.... secrets. When charlie finds out about said gooper, The slime gives the excuse that, they cant leave Charlie's body yet, since, he still isnt fully healed from the bullet wound. Being to tired to argue, he puts up with the slime for the next few months. In which time, the slime was able to convince him to go out for one night as a vigilante, just to try it :) unfortunately, that one night led to a run in with the most dangerous villains in the city, the syndicate. Causing him to get roped into the syndicates plan to take over the government. Although things only get worse when he finds out the syndicates number one target, is his childhood best friend jschlatt, who charlie lost contact with once he got into the presidency. Things only get worse and worse over time as he gets more and more involved with this anarchist scheme. Chaos ensues Along with....other, plots of revenge. (TW) -Death- -Blood- -extreme gore/mutilation- (very little) -suicide- (very little) -derealization- -dissociation- -murder- -alcohol- -manipulation- WORD COUNT: 203,836 Sunny Anderson school is credit to @memoryboy. including many aspects of this story that have been influenced and sometimes even copied from certian fics (though I try my best to make it original), such as Tommyinnits clinic for supervillians, Tommy's ultra important Keychain, and possibly a couple others that I can't remember. All these details have been improvised to fit the plot, and or, are relatively small such as; character names, character interactions, character aspects such as powers, some concepts for fights/battles that characters may get into. . . . #1 slimecicle jan. 18 2023 #9 superhero Aug. 28 2023 #1 slimecicle jul. 31 2024

Aftermath Plans || Amerus / Rusame by nobodiesafterdeath

"So what now, our alliance is over?" Russia licked his lips, his eyes were staring at just one point of the wooden desk. He could feel the other man's looks directed to his back, even though he didnt have any irises. Russia knew from experience at this point, how it felt to be watched. "You didn't help with any shit anyway." Russia said in a cold tone, his fingers reaching to grab the cold metallic pen laying close to tidied up documents. He heard America's breathy, hateful chuckle. "Then why-" "But no, it's not." Now he knew he got the other man's attention. He turned his head towards the black eyed man, who had stopped talking to listen to him now. "In fact." He continued. "-it just solidifies now." America hummed, sitting on the table. "Care to explain?" Russia stared at his starless nights with no emotion but plain hatred. "I want my father dead." He saw how wicked America's eyes shined with the declaration, but didn't comment on it. "And it will be quite hard without your help." /// 20.02.20 Slowburn Amerus/Rusame and even slowburner writer but i think i will finish this lmao THE STORY IS NOT EXACTLY HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. I tend to follow the key parts selected from Cold War but there are (mostly) things that made up or amplified to fit better in the story, so keep in mind! dedicated to @YoungerJustice who also drew the cover [ PLEASE READ ] I have Rusame in the title because thats the second ship name. If Russia not being the top is something that puts you off then i am sorry but this is not the book for you. This book will include heavy themes, i did not put +18 for nothing. If you hate it, don't waste your time leaving a hate comment. Just don't read it. I normally wouldn't even put this warning but better be safe than sorry! #1 amerus 23.10.21 #1 americaxrussia 23.10.21 #1 cold war 24.02.23 #1 countryhumansau 13.10.24 Thank you so much.

You may also like

Slide 1 of 10

The Goalie's Good Luck Charm (preview) cover

"No Life 'Til Leather" cover

Disastrous Life - BSD Fyodor Dostoevsky x Female Reader cover

All Hail The Hoard (18+, Vore warning, Erotica warning!) cover

"Goodbye Curly Head" cover

Scanny Boy (Highschool DxD x Male Reader) cover

Communist Cuisine: Red Army Rampage! cover

The Furry Fallout: Book 1 - The World After The War (Male Reader x Furry Harem) cover

Slime-Cycle (Humble Beginnings) cover

Aftermath Plans || Amerus / Rusame cover

The Goalie's Good Luck Charm (preview)

After a one-night stand flips a grumpy hockey goalie's bad luck, he pursues his team's new dental assistant to rebound his abysmal season. Trapped in a small town, my life has been planned, controlled, and boring. After my sister and I failed to keep our family's bakery afloat, I'm free to steer my life's ship...Except I don't know what I want and have no idea how to adult. A year of sleeping on my sister's boyfriend's couch and getting bitten by kids while cleaning their teeth is not living. When the anniversary of losing our bakery reminds me how far I haven't come since then, a wild, anonymous one-night stand is just the stress release I need. Putting him out of my mind is challenging, but my luck turns when I land a specialist dentist's assistant job. It's for a pro hockey team, where, unfortunately, my steamy one-night stand is their grumpy goalie, and the coach doesn't believe women can remain professional around his players. I don't have time for the giant manchild refusing to get his teeth cleaned or socialize with anyone, including his teammates. The team's solo win comes after our night together, convincing Connor I'm some lucky charm who can turn around his demoralizing slump. All I care about is getting settled on my own despite his sexist coach, but when he threatens to reveal our secret, I'm forced to prove superstitions are hocus-pocus nonsense. 18 + for explicit sexual content #1 sports, #1 spicy PREVIEW: full story is available on Radish: https://radishfiction.com/stories/31711