Diary From The Carrot Union - Poofball Poofball - Wattpad

Diary From The Carrot Union

Reads 6,048
Votes 1,352
Parts 32
Time 2h 46m

Reads 6,048
Votes 1,352
Parts 32
Time 2h 46m

animals anthropomorphic blackcomedy cynical darkhumor dryhumor dystopian furries gullible humor political politicalanimals rabbit russia russianhumor satire wacky

TESTIMONIES

"Dude, the world building is top notch right from the start. It's thematically consistent, the names are zingy and attention grabbing. And we have good concise info being fed to our brains. I love your style." - @SpuriousSimulacrum

"This is great so far. Having spent years in Eastern Europe, this humour is equal parts nostalgic and poignant. You've taken the best bits of 'Animal Farm' and '1984' and turned it into something unique here. Definitely added to the reading list for this summer. Can't wait to read more. Well done." - @Mystery_Twins_LTD

"This is just such an entertaining read. Seriously, it seems like it should be on Adult Swim or something:)" - @stkingnaturally

To Moshare I came seeking fortune, but they're making me work til' I'm dead. And here I am, drunk in the side of some sort of concrete monument in this So-Called rabbit's paradise.

Let's check the news...Good! Extra slices of bread for everybody! Ummm, Carrots and cabbages have exceeded their quotas, and the Animalist Party held yet another victory parade, as the Carrot Union has won another war on Talabar Front.

And oioioi...'m just too scared to give a shit about it, as Commissar Nikita said whoever protests gets detained, sent to the gulag,  and quote on quote, "And never is able to see vodka again." 

Yes, yes! Funny people I hear every day on the wiretap. Stuff ranging from a guy that stole a stapler, and another guy drugging his coffee with laxative, or some kids setting off fireworks near a retirement home filled with veterans and getting shot by the Carrot Guard Bureau, the CGB

But hey, I thought I could share my story here! This place might be a shithole, but hey, who knows what the future might bring? Other than atherosclerosis from eating too much-fried cheburek

Right, to the story.

Credits to @annabellacx for editingAll Rights Reserved

animals anthropomorphic blackcomedy cynical darkhumor dryhumor dystopian furries gullible humor political politicalanimals rabbit russia russianhumor satire wacky

Table of contents

32 parts

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"No Life 'Til Leather" by NUmaker

Sometimes shit happens. Hey, it's not always your day, it's alright. One moment you're riding high, soaring above these mud-riddled plains with the king of mercs by your side, another, you're running far away from the crater he blew himself up in. You've really outdone yourself this time. W's dead, there's angel blood on your fingers and something itches to grow out of your skull. To pierce those gray curls of yours and bask in the twin moon's soft gaze. Something brewing deep within, eager to dim that halo forever and shatter your wings. A piece of you that's always been there, always hiding and growling, waiting for its moment to shine. So, hit the lights, Andy. Give it some stage time. Let yourself live a little. Throw out that Lateran jacket, put on some leather. Grow a pair of horns, befriend a fiend. Forget Laterano, forget Lungmen. Kazdel is your new home. And your new home's where you rightfully belong, you little rascal. Hellooooo people !! Here we are, a SPIN-OFF story of my "Curly Head" series, in which Andy actually went on that one job he previously ditched and got himself into quite a predicament. In this one, I'll turn the angst-meter down, I promise. W and Andy, happy times. :D This is, of course, perfectly fine as a standalone work, I think, but if you're new and wanna brush up on the lore then you can do just that! Series starts with "Goodbye Curly Head", rest is pretty straightforward. Summed up: thirteen year old boy from Laterano ships himself off to fight in the Kazdel Civil War for peacekeeping reasons, situation turns to shit at the end of his tour, forced to stay in Kazdel and make money as a merc, meets up the first W's crew at the age of sixteen, circus-slapstick follows. Ps: I'm not giving up on "Almost Green", only taking a small break and also delivering some much needed fluff-ish stuff. Tell me you thoughts in the comments, I tend to reply to every single one of them and love reading through them all! Have fun!

Aftermath Plans || Amerus / Rusame by nobodiesafterdeath

"So what now, our alliance is over?" Russia licked his lips, his eyes were staring at just one point of the wooden desk. He could feel the other man's looks directed to his back, even though he didnt have any irises. Russia knew from experience at this point, how it felt to be watched. "You didn't help with any shit anyway." Russia said in a cold tone, his fingers reaching to grab the cold metallic pen laying close to tidied up documents. He heard America's breathy, hateful chuckle. "Then why-" "But no, it's not." Now he knew he got the other man's attention. He turned his head towards the black eyed man, who had stopped talking to listen to him now. "In fact." He continued. "-it just solidifies now." America hummed, sitting on the table. "Care to explain?" Russia stared at his starless nights with no emotion but plain hatred. "I want my father dead." He saw how wicked America's eyes shined with the declaration, but didn't comment on it. "And it will be quite hard without your help." /// 20.02.20 Slowburn Amerus/Rusame and even slowburner writer but i think i will finish this lmao THE STORY IS NOT EXACTLY HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. I tend to follow the key parts selected from Cold War but there are (mostly) things that made up or amplified to fit better in the story, so keep in mind! dedicated to @YoungerJustice who also drew the cover [ PLEASE READ ] I have Rusame in the title because thats the second ship name. If Russia not being the top is something that puts you off then i am sorry but this is not the book for you. This book will include heavy themes, i did not put +18 for nothing. If you hate it, don't waste your time leaving a hate comment. Just don't read it. I normally wouldn't even put this warning but better be safe than sorry! #1 amerus 23.10.21 #1 americaxrussia 23.10.21 #1 cold war 24.02.23 #1 countryhumansau 13.10.24 Thank you so much.

Slime-Cycle (Humble Beginnings) by shroom_mush_

In a world filled with superhumans, the powerless charlie cycle struggles to keep his life together. It only gets worse when on his way home hes pulled into a choke hold and shot. But instead of dying, his life was saved by the sentient living slime who holds a few.... secrets. When charlie finds out about said gooper, The slime gives the excuse that, they cant leave Charlie's body yet, since, he still isnt fully healed from the bullet wound. Being to tired to argue, he puts up with the slime for the next few months. In which time, the slime was able to convince him to go out for one night as a vigilante, just to try it :) unfortunately, that one night led to a run in with the most dangerous villains in the city, the syndicate. Causing him to get roped into the syndicates plan to take over the government. Although things only get worse when he finds out the syndicates number one target, is his childhood best friend jschlatt, who charlie lost contact with once he got into the presidency. Things only get worse and worse over time as he gets more and more involved with this anarchist scheme. Chaos ensues Along with....other, plots of revenge. (TW) -Death- -Blood- -extreme gore/mutilation- (very little) -suicide- (very little) -derealization- -dissociation- -murder- -alcohol- -manipulation- WORD COUNT: 203,836 Sunny Anderson school is credit to @memoryboy. including many aspects of this story that have been influenced and sometimes even copied from certian fics (though I try my best to make it original), such as Tommyinnits clinic for supervillians, Tommy's ultra important Keychain, and possibly a couple others that I can't remember. All these details have been improvised to fit the plot, and or, are relatively small such as; character names, character interactions, character aspects such as powers, some concepts for fights/battles that characters may get into. . . . #1 slimecicle jan. 18 2023 #9 superhero Aug. 28 2023 #1 slimecicle jul. 31 2024

Communist Cuisine: Red Army Rampage! by VegaTheStarr2

[warning fellow chiken nuggies! *THIS MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE FOR SOME AUDIENCES* I do not support propaganda nor am I propaganda artist. Every character and event is fictitious. This is has high amounts of blood, gore, violence and etc. It is recommended but strongly imperative that you prepare your nerves, the full might of Vega's story writing skills will be set apon this story!] [You have been warned. If you wish to continue, do so at your own risk as genocide and other horrific acts will be mentioned.] ☭ • The Red Army shifts into Berlin during some days and nights. The reason? For a victory time feast. The meals will be filling, with screams of horror of course. Soviet soldiers will enjoy a huge buffet, thrown by a sneaky and sly general. If you are a Berliner, hide; Because this will be a looooooong week. To the soldiers of the Red Army, Prepare for a great feast, for the hour of revenge has struck!~ • ☭ ☭ • The Germans live in uncertainty during the great feast. But they know they are a part of a Russian's main course. It is only a matter of time they start picking their snacks. The Wehrmacht and Volkssturm forces try in vain to drive back the Russians, but it only fuels their appetite further. The more fighting and German hate propaganda, the more bigger a Russian's appetite grows. Soon hundreds of Red Army soldiers will be stuffed full of delicious Germans, satisfied with their revenge. It's no use crying and begging the Russians to reconsider, they will never spare a German, but they will devour them, bones and all. •☭ Will the Germans survive their ethical fate or will the Soviets return to the Motherland stuffed and full..?~ Will the Germans hide and huddle; Hide from the atrocities the Red Army will commit? Or will the Soviets relax in their homes, full and satisfied from their communist binge?~

"Goodbye Curly Head" by NUmaker

Through thick and thin the Law shall prevail. A new sense of purpose awaits us, children of light, in the land where it all began. The darkness in which we once cowered in fear, now curbed by the might of our endless light. Come, brothers, come, sisters. Let there be peace among the wicked, just as the Law dictates. Peace and certainty is all that you have ever longed for, little angel. A bright, stable future. A roof without holes above thy head. Acknowledgement and recognition of thy existence, feverish dreams of grandeur. Greed born from yearning, treacherous vines of rapacity taint your innocent soul. You seek a future that does not exist. Let thy fingers hold the fragile line between dream and nightmare. Let thy light navigate the path. Shall thee give in and falter, O' land of old, envelop his body in thy unending flame of chaos. Spit out nothing but an empty husk, the remnants of a smile once so bright. Shall thee prevail, O', Great Kazdel, I ask of you, the impossible - take mercy on the innocent. Don't let the radiance dim and don't let the mind turn bleak. Wake, young traveler. Bid thy farewells and burn thy bridges. It's time to say goodbye, curly head. Cross post from AO3. For a shorter and more on-point description, look no further! I had something silly written up before throwing it out in exchange for that wall of text upstairs. It's a little story "about a young, dumb sankta who's been dealt a bad hand at life, looking for his place in all this mess. The pointless search for a better future leads him far, far away from home, to a country forever ravaged by war and misery - Kazdel, the promised land where devils roam free and peace feels out of place." Anyway, it's quite lengthy, but hopefully enjoyable? Slide a comment if you want, I'll give you a tiny kiss on the forehead. Man, do I love comments. (Lastly, to point out, English is not my native language, but I don't think it'll be much of an issue ;3)

Laminax Laboratories 🔬(REWRITTEN!!!) by Dude98362

(If you have no clue what kp, or kaiju paradise is, go to the roblox kaiju paradise wiki and spend some time looking through it, then come back and read the book.) (This book includes detailed violence and swearing. If you are uncomfortable with those materials, you are not required to read this book.) Your average person named Jake is in need of a job, badly so. He was fired from his last one, and to make things worse, it didn't even have a good pay. He is trying to get enough money to at least live in an apartment, so he'll do anything to get money. Just when he thought things wouldn't work out for him, he found an email from a place called 'Laminax Laboratories'. He ponders for a few seconds before clicking on the email. It was offering him a job, where he performs tests on..'animals'. Despite the obvious red flags, he took the scientist position. Only time will tell what happens to him. (If you want to make any ships on the characters in this book, please tell me before you go make it all willy nilly. Also, if you make a book inspired by this one or use some of the character(s), be sure to, at the very least, credit me. I do not own Kaiju Paradise in any way. All credits go to LAMINAX CO. / TZB Studios for the creation of the game) (The cover was NOT made by me. Credits go to whoever made it.)

Pessimistic Coodies (RusAme) by Toddels

The tall tale of the later hardships faced by "the gifted child". As Russia ages, he finds his life dulling because he has nothing to live for. He had already succeeded in so much that his life loses purpose. One fateful day he unexpectedly befriends America who understands exactly how he is feeling. He persuades Russia to partake in deadly events with him to help him feel excitement again. Intelligently gifted depressed psychopaths should never become addicted to danger... or become besties. 🦠🦠🦠 America glances back over to me with a menacing grin plastered onto his face. He laughs and its echo haunts my ears. "I don't think I'm insane; surely my entire situation is understandable. If it weren't, I would've been put into that asylum when I was younger." I stare into his doe mismatched colored eyes. What the hell did I get myself into? "America, you are insane." I repeat. I was truly at a loss for words and had conflicting emotions. Crossing the street blindfolded was the last thing I had expected him to try. And yet, I was even more disturbed at how much I wanted to try it for myself... "And so are you, Russia." he says chillingly as if he had a key to my gated mind. "We are not so different and you know it. You are not normal; you revealed that to me in your past. Our horrible childhoods molded us into what we are today. " "I'm not fucking crazy." I tell him, "I find hobbies to feel alive- not to try to kill myself!" 🦠🦠🦠 **Not the story you will be expecting** ⚠️ Warning: This is a fictional novel, so please don't attempt or copy anything life threatening that these characters do, thanks TuT 💗 All art is mine :) 🫧 - Yes, there are many allusions to famous works of literature because I am an obsessed fanatic for them!! Also I included a shit ton of symbolism and foreshadowing. So be on the look out for everything! ✨ ;)

His Prize by google1021

Nina is captured by parbeing man. He plans to turn her into his pet. He knows she won't go down without a fight, but he's not prepared for how much 'fight' she has packed in her small body. His new pet leaks into every area of his life, changing things in ways he could never have imagined. Parbeings are the new and improved apex predators of Earth. Created from gene editing, they are the perfect humans, so perfect that they are no longer even considered human. *** Content Warning: The protagonist of this story is a victim of abuse. I do not condone the actions of the antagonist *** Chapter 1 extract: "Hey Alex. Get over here. I've got something for you," he calls into his collar radio. I reach the end of the alley and turn to face my foe once again, but he remains where he is, still blocking my path but not approaching either. New plan: when he gets close, duck under his arms and make a run for it. Now I just have to wait. Before a minute has even passed, another armoured soldier appears and joins the first. This just keeps getting worse. How am I supposed to dodge past two of them? "What do you want now?" the new soldier grumbles. This one must be Alex. "Look at this cute little human I found. She's feisty. I think she's perfect for you." I glare at them. "I don't want a pet human. That's your disgusting fetish, and I'll have no part in it." "Oh come on Captain," the first soldier whines, "You don't have to fuck her, just train her to be obedient. Surely you can control one measly wild human? You are a captain after all. When you're done, you can just get rid of her, like I do with my humans." What the fuck? For a brief moment my fear is replaced by anger. Who do they think they are, talking about me like I'm some kind of wild animal? "Get the fuck away from me! You freaks!" I screech. The first soldier just flashes an evil grin. They don't budge. "Are you just going to let her talk to you like that?" he goads Alex. (Complete. 70k words.)

The Analyst's Nightmare (Mission Impossible 4) by FroggieShroom4

"This message will self destruct in 5 seconds." He turned to look at me, a quizzical expression covering his features. "No, no, no, no! Don't give me that look I know what that means!" I said, defensively. What is it that one does hours before when the Kremlin's intact but once you leave having failed your original objective, it implodes causing the entire world to heap its destruction onto your shoulders, in turn making Russian agents track you down over a series of nations, borders and buildings which simultaneously reveals your actual heritage and the whereabouts of your Mother of whom, you'd been lead to believe died a long time ago? Nope didn't think you had an answer to that. And frankly, neither do I. I manage to get myself so caught up in much of this tangible work that I don't even have a plan of action. I just go with the flow I guess. It's either that or I'm incredibly talented and charismatic. I personally, think it's the latter but I'll leave that decision up to you. The IMF will stop at nothing to get the answers even if the rest of the organisation has been disavowed, having had Ghost Protocol initiated. But that begs the question, can a certain analyst aid them in their efforts? Or is he too, hiding something which goes deeper than anyone initially thought? Join Miles and the rest (or remaining) members of the IMF as they travel the world to stop a nuclear explosion from damaging humanity... Started: January 21st 2024 Finished: April 18th 2024 *I don't claim to own Mission impossible or any of the characters. I only own my OC's.* *I also don't own any of the pictures (including the cover image) in this story, I found them all on Pinterest.*

The Goalie's Good Luck Charm (preview) by still_just_me

After a one-night stand flips a grumpy hockey goalie's bad luck, he pursues his team's new dental assistant to rebound his abysmal season. Trapped in a small town, my life has been planned, controlled, and boring. After my sister and I failed to keep our family's bakery afloat, I'm free to steer my life's ship...Except I don't know what I want and have no idea how to adult. A year of sleeping on my sister's boyfriend's couch and getting bitten by kids while cleaning their teeth is not living. When the anniversary of losing our bakery reminds me how far I haven't come since then, a wild, anonymous one-night stand is just the stress release I need. Putting him out of my mind is challenging, but my luck turns when I land a specialist dentist's assistant job. It's for a pro hockey team, where, unfortunately, my steamy one-night stand is their grumpy goalie, and the coach doesn't believe women can remain professional around his players. I don't have time for the giant manchild refusing to get his teeth cleaned or socialize with anyone, including his teammates. The team's solo win comes after our night together, convincing Connor I'm some lucky charm who can turn around his demoralizing slump. All I care about is getting settled on my own despite his sexist coach, but when he threatens to reveal our secret, I'm forced to prove superstitions are hocus-pocus nonsense. 18 + for explicit sexual content #1 sports, #1 spicy PREVIEW: full story is available on Radish: https://radishfiction.com/stories/31711

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Slide 1 of 10

"No Life 'Til Leather" cover

Aftermath Plans || Amerus / Rusame cover

Slime-Cycle (Humble Beginnings) cover

Communist Cuisine: Red Army Rampage! cover

"Goodbye Curly Head" cover

Laminax Laboratories 🔬(REWRITTEN!!!) cover

Pessimistic Coodies (RusAme) cover

His Prize cover

The Analyst's Nightmare (Mission Impossible 4) cover

The Goalie's Good Luck Charm (preview) cover

"No Life 'Til Leather"

Sometimes shit happens. Hey, it's not always your day, it's alright. One moment you're riding high, soaring above these mud-riddled plains with the king of mercs by your side, another, you're running far away from the crater he blew himself up in. You've really outdone yourself this time. W's dead, there's angel blood on your fingers and something itches to grow out of your skull. To pierce those gray curls of yours and bask in the twin moon's soft gaze. Something brewing deep within, eager to dim that halo forever and shatter your wings. A piece of you that's always been there, always hiding and growling, waiting for its moment to shine. So, hit the lights, Andy. Give it some stage time. Let yourself live a little. Throw out that Lateran jacket, put on some leather. Grow a pair of horns, befriend a fiend. Forget Laterano, forget Lungmen. Kazdel is your new home. And your new home's where you rightfully belong, you little rascal. Hellooooo people !! Here we are, a SPIN-OFF story of my "Curly Head" series, in which Andy actually went on that one job he previously ditched and got himself into quite a predicament. In this one, I'll turn the angst-meter down, I promise. W and Andy, happy times. :D This is, of course, perfectly fine as a standalone work, I think, but if you're new and wanna brush up on the lore then you can do just that! Series starts with "Goodbye Curly Head", rest is pretty straightforward. Summed up: thirteen year old boy from Laterano ships himself off to fight in the Kazdel Civil War for peacekeeping reasons, situation turns to shit at the end of his tour, forced to stay in Kazdel and make money as a merc, meets up the first W's crew at the age of sixteen, circus-slapstick follows. Ps: I'm not giving up on "Almost Green", only taking a small break and also delivering some much needed fluff-ish stuff. Tell me you thoughts in the comments, I tend to reply to every single one of them and love reading through them all! Have fun!