Diary From The Carrot Union - Poofball Poofball - Wattpad

Diary From The Carrot Union

Reads 6,047
Votes 1,352
Parts 32
Time 2h 46m

Reads 6,047
Votes 1,352
Parts 32
Time 2h 46m

animals anthropomorphic blackcomedy cynical darkhumor dryhumor dystopian furries gullible humor political politicalanimals rabbit russia russianhumor satire wacky

TESTIMONIES

"Dude, the world building is top notch right from the start. It's thematically consistent, the names are zingy and attention grabbing. And we have good concise info being fed to our brains. I love your style." - @SpuriousSimulacrum

"This is great so far. Having spent years in Eastern Europe, this humour is equal parts nostalgic and poignant. You've taken the best bits of 'Animal Farm' and '1984' and turned it into something unique here. Definitely added to the reading list for this summer. Can't wait to read more. Well done." - @Mystery_Twins_LTD

"This is just such an entertaining read. Seriously, it seems like it should be on Adult Swim or something:)" - @stkingnaturally

To Moshare I came seeking fortune, but they're making me work til' I'm dead. And here I am, drunk in the side of some sort of concrete monument in this So-Called rabbit's paradise.

Let's check the news...Good! Extra slices of bread for everybody! Ummm, Carrots and cabbages have exceeded their quotas, and the Animalist Party held yet another victory parade, as the Carrot Union has won another war on Talabar Front.

And oioioi...'m just too scared to give a shit about it, as Commissar Nikita said whoever protests gets detained, sent to the gulag,  and quote on quote, "And never is able to see vodka again." 

Yes, yes! Funny people I hear every day on the wiretap. Stuff ranging from a guy that stole a stapler, and another guy drugging his coffee with laxative, or some kids setting off fireworks near a retirement home filled with veterans and getting shot by the Carrot Guard Bureau, the CGB

But hey, I thought I could share my story here! This place might be a shithole, but hey, who knows what the future might bring? Other than atherosclerosis from eating too much-fried cheburek

Right, to the story.

Credits to @annabellacx for editingAll Rights Reserved

animals anthropomorphic blackcomedy cynical darkhumor dryhumor dystopian furries gullible humor political politicalanimals rabbit russia russianhumor satire wacky

Table of contents

32 parts

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The Furry Fallout: Book 1 - The World After The War (Male Reader x Furry Harem) by EnnoJohan_Official

***THIS STORY IS NOT COMPLETE. I AM TAKING A MENTAL HEALTH BREAK*** "War... War never changes." The world has seen many technological advances since the end of the war between Ukraine and Russia, which was both a blessing and a curse. In 2072, a war breaks out between the modern sidings of the Allies and the Axis. Americans, Germans and the British Colonies made up the Allies, while Russia, North Korea and China made up the main three of the Axis. The war was at its worst in 2077, when Y/N had just returned from a mission in Russia. He was sent home due to the alleged endangerment of his fellow soldiers, however, this granted him some immunity. His home was in a small town that was populated by no less than 30 people, and nearby was a cryogenics testing facility in the form of a vault. The company that owned it, Vault-Tec, was a government-funded organisation that worked to find ways to preserve human life in the case of a global disaster. Due to Y/N's service history, he was allowed into the vault during the nuclear warhead exchange between America and China, and that's where our story starts. (Fallout 4 belongs to Bethesda All art and music in this story belong to their respective owners Y/N belongs to us)

The Shadow of Chernobyl by TheRealFacelessUser

What if the Soviet Union won the Space Race? What if the Cold War didn't end? What if there was never a disaster in Chernobyl? In an alternate timeline where all of the above are true, the tension between the world's superpowers reached its peak at the end of the 20th century when a nuclear submarine was sunk in the pacific ocean. The Cold War will go hot, and the world will lay witness to the most catastrophical war in human history, resulting in another dark age. By the end of it all, a new state will rise from the ashes of the Red Menace. The Anthrostate.

The Analyst's Nightmare (Mission Impossible 4) by FroggieShroom4

"This message will self destruct in 5 seconds." He turned to look at me, a quizzical expression covering his features. "No, no, no, no! Don't give me that look I know what that means!" I said, defensively. What is it that one does hours before when the Kremlin's intact but once you leave having failed your original objective, it implodes causing the entire world to heap its destruction onto your shoulders, in turn making Russian agents track you down over a series of nations, borders and buildings which simultaneously reveals your actual heritage and the whereabouts of your Mother of whom, you'd been lead to believe died a long time ago? Nope didn't think you had an answer to that. And frankly, neither do I. I manage to get myself so caught up in much of this tangible work that I don't even have a plan of action. I just go with the flow I guess. It's either that or I'm incredibly talented and charismatic. I personally, think it's the latter but I'll leave that decision up to you. The IMF will stop at nothing to get the answers even if the rest of the organisation has been disavowed, having had Ghost Protocol initiated. But that begs the question, can a certain analyst aid them in their efforts? Or is he too, hiding something which goes deeper than anyone initially thought? Join Miles and the rest (or remaining) members of the IMF as they travel the world to stop a nuclear explosion from damaging humanity... Started: January 21st 2024 Finished: April 18th 2024 *I don't claim to own Mission impossible or any of the characters. I only own my OC's.* *I also don't own any of the pictures (including the cover image) in this story, I found them all on Pinterest.*

Scanny Boy (Highschool DxD x Male Reader) by DashingBanana

Do yourself a favor... Go read "The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse" and/or "Messing with the Supernatural" This story is more dead than my will to live. But if you're willing to not take the story seriously and read for shits and giggles, this is for you. If you're looking for stories with plot and some comedy, I already recommend the stories above :D The story got discontinued due to make lack of enthusiasm and bad writing in the end. I wanted to finish this story and got too ahead of myself back then, so it does have a non-DxD ending. Its a shitpost and will always have a place in my heart as the first story I wrote and killed. I can understand why people discontinue books and do remakes. Sorry, this was me rambling and telling my thoughts on this story almost three years after I wrote it. Now I'm in college and it feels weird looking back. Ahem... Prepare to be utterly confused Well, kind of. I don't know anymore. It's a 50/50 between "Haha funny" and "What is this shi-" Anyhow you're still reading this so might as well give you an actual description. A world filled with supernatural and mythological stuff without the humans knowing.... Well most of the humans. Some of course know and side with on of the three factions: Angels, Fallen Angels, and Devils-- "WHO FUCKING CARES!? SHUT UP YOU NERD! WE GET IT! THREE FACTIONS BUTT FUCKING EACH OTHER WITH DILDO SHAPED LEGOS! AAAH-" ... I don't know why I keep this thing alive anymore. But it's kinda fun Starring Y/n L/n. Welcome to the world of DxD. A young lad with quite the... Mentality... Let's go with that. Started: November 9 - 2020 Expect SOME 4th wall breaks. That's a lie, expect them occasionally. I do not own Highschool DxD,so please do not ban me. I also don't own the pictures used in here, I mostly Google them and just download, then edit them using a meme generator... You heard me right... A meme generator... God fucking dammit. What am I doing with my life? Bababouy

"Goodbye Curly Head" by NUmaker

Through thick and thin the Law shall prevail. A new sense of purpose awaits us, children of light, in the land where it all began. The darkness in which we once cowered in fear, now curbed by the might of our endless light. Come, brothers, come, sisters. Let there be peace among the wicked, just as the Law dictates. Peace and certainty is all that you have ever longed for, little angel. A bright, stable future. A roof without holes above thy head. Acknowledgement and recognition of thy existence, feverish dreams of grandeur. Greed born from yearning, treacherous vines of rapacity taint your innocent soul. You seek a future that does not exist. Let thy fingers hold the fragile line between dream and nightmare. Let thy light navigate the path. Shall thee give in and falter, O' land of old, envelop his body in thy unending flame of chaos. Spit out nothing but an empty husk, the remnants of a smile once so bright. Shall thee prevail, O', Great Kazdel, I ask of you, the impossible - take mercy on the innocent. Don't let the radiance dim and don't let the mind turn bleak. Wake, young traveler. Bid thy farewells and burn thy bridges. It's time to say goodbye, curly head. Cross post from AO3. For a shorter and more on-point description, look no further! I had something silly written up before throwing it out in exchange for that wall of text upstairs. It's a little story "about a young, dumb sankta who's been dealt a bad hand at life, looking for his place in all this mess. The pointless search for a better future leads him far, far away from home, to a country forever ravaged by war and misery - Kazdel, the promised land where devils roam free and peace feels out of place." Anyway, it's quite lengthy, but hopefully enjoyable? Slide a comment if you want, I'll give you a tiny kiss on the forehead. Man, do I love comments. (Lastly, to point out, English is not my native language, but I don't think it'll be much of an issue ;3)

Communist Cuisine: Red Army Rampage! by VegaTheStarr2

[warning fellow chiken nuggies! *THIS MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE FOR SOME AUDIENCES* I do not support propaganda nor am I propaganda artist. Every character and event is fictitious. This is has high amounts of blood, gore, violence and etc. It is recommended but strongly imperative that you prepare your nerves, the full might of Vega's story writing skills will be set apon this story!] [You have been warned. If you wish to continue, do so at your own risk as genocide and other horrific acts will be mentioned.] ☭ • The Red Army shifts into Berlin during some days and nights. The reason? For a victory time feast. The meals will be filling, with screams of horror of course. Soviet soldiers will enjoy a huge buffet, thrown by a sneaky and sly general. If you are a Berliner, hide; Because this will be a looooooong week. To the soldiers of the Red Army, Prepare for a great feast, for the hour of revenge has struck!~ • ☭ ☭ • The Germans live in uncertainty during the great feast. But they know they are a part of a Russian's main course. It is only a matter of time they start picking their snacks. The Wehrmacht and Volkssturm forces try in vain to drive back the Russians, but it only fuels their appetite further. The more fighting and German hate propaganda, the more bigger a Russian's appetite grows. Soon hundreds of Red Army soldiers will be stuffed full of delicious Germans, satisfied with their revenge. It's no use crying and begging the Russians to reconsider, they will never spare a German, but they will devour them, bones and all. •☭ Will the Germans survive their ethical fate or will the Soviets return to the Motherland stuffed and full..?~ Will the Germans hide and huddle; Hide from the atrocities the Red Army will commit? Or will the Soviets relax in their homes, full and satisfied from their communist binge?~

The Queen of the Desert by AnthonyBloom

Jane is simply trying to survive. In a world of nuclear post-apocalypse, blood-crazed Objectivists, immortality-seeking cultists, NFT-obsessed killbots, power-hungry narcissists, and nymphomaniac Anarchists. A stoic soldier with a heart of gold. How long will she go on until the past catches up with her? 10,500 words of visceral action, black humor, and extreme weirdness. The story is SUPER silly, but it has an important purpose. I'm only publishing it to raise funds for my hometown in Ukraine. As a city of 300,000 on the eastern border, Sumy was one of the first to be attacked by the Russian army. For more than a month, we suffered from airstrikes, artillery, blockades, and hunger. The city was encircled, yet it never fell. Now that Russians have retreated, we see death and destruction across the whole region. The Sumy volunteer community created a charity fund to help us survive, rebuild, and protect against the new attacks. Our website https://www.fond.sumy.ua/ lists different ways you can help the Sumy region. You can choose to donate specifically for: - Medicine - First aid kits - Optics - Communication devices - Armor plates for the territorial defense - Other needs (including clothing and food for the elderly, disabled, and most vulnerable people). Like many of you I've been a pacifist for my entire life, but now the only way to stop these horrors is to ensure Ukrainians have enough weapons to defend themselves. So if you want to help the Ukrainian army, the best way is to donate to the country's biggest charity fund Come Back Alive (https://www.comebackalive.in.ua/). Over the past 8 years, they've collected over $20 million donations and have a crystal-clear reputation. Please, donate if you enjoyed my story. And if you found it to be the shittiest thing ever written - roast me in public or in person - and I'll double your donation;) Raise the awareness! Now every penny, every word can save a life. Temporary cover by Anastasia Rey

Escaping the Monster's Embrace by Mentally-Insane

Everything changed when they came out of hiding, terror spread across the world as people began to question if our presidents and our global leaders lied to us and weren't from the same race. The Beasts blended in amongst us as if we were the same, except humans didn't have the same predatory instincts and we couldn't change our forms like they could. Soon after we learnt that we weren't the only species people began going missing. Some were unlucky and taken as something that the Beasts called a Mate that one word made fear spread throughout my veins, I would rather sell my soul than have one of them mutts chain me to them. Six months went by before the government, that was un-tainted by this vile race began to take action into their own hands contacting other countries and militaries causing the great war to happen, sending both my parents off to fight for our rights. Only one of them came back, two months was the longest we lasted before we were overpowered by them. Six years of living in this dysfunctional environment and my hatred had never dwindled. Some people still believed in god and had faith in him, I didn't know what I believed in but I prayed like everyone else that I would get through another day without hearing the soul crushing word 'Mate'. DARK THEMES THROUGHOUT. UNEDITED © All rights reserved© #1 in hunt 19/06/2019 #1 in human 19/06/2019 #1 in sanity 19/012019 #3 in mate 19/06/2019 #4 in mates 19/06/2019 #5 in hunted 19/06/2019 #1 Post-apocalyptic 30/8/19 #8 in dystopian 7/10/19 #4 in Escape 24/10/19

The Goalie's Good Luck Charm (preview) by still_just_me

After a one-night stand flips a grumpy hockey goalie's bad luck, he pursues his team's new dental assistant to rebound his abysmal season. Trapped in a small town, my life has been planned, controlled, and boring. After my sister and I failed to keep our family's bakery afloat, I'm free to steer my life's ship...Except I don't know what I want and have no idea how to adult. A year of sleeping on my sister's boyfriend's couch and getting bitten by kids while cleaning their teeth is not living. When the anniversary of losing our bakery reminds me how far I haven't come since then, a wild, anonymous one-night stand is just the stress release I need. Putting him out of my mind is challenging, but my luck turns when I land a specialist dentist's assistant job. It's for a pro hockey team, where, unfortunately, my steamy one-night stand is their grumpy goalie, and the coach doesn't believe women can remain professional around his players. I don't have time for the giant manchild refusing to get his teeth cleaned or socialize with anyone, including his teammates. The team's solo win comes after our night together, convincing Connor I'm some lucky charm who can turn around his demoralizing slump. All I care about is getting settled on my own despite his sexist coach, but when he threatens to reveal our secret, I'm forced to prove superstitions are hocus-pocus nonsense. 18 + for explicit sexual content #1 sports, #1 spicy PREVIEW: full story is available on Radish: https://radishfiction.com/stories/31711

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Slide 1 of 9

The Furry Fallout: Book 1 - The World After The War (Male Reader x Furry Harem) cover

The Shadow of Chernobyl cover

The Analyst's Nightmare (Mission Impossible 4) cover

Scanny Boy (Highschool DxD x Male Reader) cover

"Goodbye Curly Head" cover

Communist Cuisine: Red Army Rampage! cover

The Queen of the Desert cover

Escaping the Monster's Embrace cover

The Goalie's Good Luck Charm (preview) cover

The Furry Fallout: Book 1 - The World After The War (Male Reader x Furry Harem)

THIS STORY IS NOT COMPLETE. I AM TAKING A MENTAL HEALTH BREAK "War... War never changes." The world has seen many technological advances since the end of the war between Ukraine and Russia, which was both a blessing and a curse. In 2072, a war breaks out between the modern sidings of the Allies and the Axis. Americans, Germans and the British Colonies made up the Allies, while Russia, North Korea and China made up the main three of the Axis. The war was at its worst in 2077, when Y/N had just returned from a mission in Russia. He was sent home due to the alleged endangerment of his fellow soldiers, however, this granted him some immunity. His home was in a small town that was populated by no less than 30 people, and nearby was a cryogenics testing facility in the form of a vault. The company that owned it, Vault-Tec, was a government-funded organisation that worked to find ways to preserve human life in the case of a global disaster. Due to Y/N's service history, he was allowed into the vault during the nuclear warhead exchange between America and China, and that's where our story starts. (Fallout 4 belongs to Bethesda All art and music in this story belong to their respective owners Y/N belongs to us)