H.I.M (Healing,Internalization, & Moving On)

I couldn't breathe for the first time in a few days, everything was my fault, Everything that was taking place at this moment was happening because of me, i continued on trying to convince myself of this, and I couldn't wrap my finger around the thought of him possibly leaving me for something oh so small! He was my everything, there was not a moment of any day where he wasn't on my mind, I was consumed by my steady neediness for him, because to me EVERYTHING WAS ABOUT HIM, every movement I made, every aspect of how I acted and how I felt on a daily basis would depict on his feelings and how he might've felt about me. I can never breathe around him, and for a long time I always compared that feeling to having butterflies but if this is what that felt like, I don't wanna ever feel that way again! I was always consumed by fear and the possible "what if's" which made me live life like it all was for him. FAMILIES BROKEN! FRIENDS LOST! TIME WASTED! And all I had to show for it was a broken heart and 3 book triology of messages I was sending him back to back and! Still no answer, AS USUAL!