The Twenties: A Millennial Girl's Misadventures

Elise Benton is awkward by all accounts. Shy- Check. Pimples- Check. Frizzy hair- Check. Hair all over the Fing place- Check. Elise doesn't think she's that strange, after all she's just trying to work with what she's got! She can't help her family is a bunch of assholes who should probably be on some sort of psych meds. She can't help puberty set her up for mockery causing her to be boyfriendless, afraid to even be around boys.

College is Elise's time to shine, she's waited far too long to experiment and shed that ponytail. Plus, she can now afford laser hair removal AND the best damn straightener that student loans can buy. For all those dreadful middle school and high school years, she is more than entitled to a successful career, the man of her dreams and traveling the world. Seems fair, right?

On her quest for love, her naïve self ventures into several precarious situations. Instead of being wined and dined, Elise settles for 'hanging out' and sloppy drunken make out sessions. She turns these lemons into lemonade by denoting each boy as a conquest, that way she is more like a queen than a victim. She gets dumped...a lot. TWICE for Hooters waitresses. Not that Steak N' Shake is any sort of fine dining establishment, but Elise is going places. Losers and users aside, she'll pull up her big girl panties and prevail. She's going to make a life for herself that's so amazing those dicks and bitches in grade school would surely envy. A life her family could only wish they had. She'll show them all.

BUT...life has decided Elise has simply not suffered enough. Multiple failures in all aspects of her life slowly start to debride Elise's once optimistic outlook. Her anxious, weird youth didn't exactly pave the way to 'adult,' but she has to admit she can't blame her shopping addiction on her parents. The only person Elise has to blame is herself, and confronting that thought is scary, but empowering.