Athanasius Finch: Private Dick | ONC 2020 - Sam Camp - Wattpad

Athanasius Finch: Private Dick | ONC 2020

Reads 4,264
Votes 520
Parts 13
Time 2h 25m

Reads 4,264
Votes 520
Parts 13
Time 2h 25m

absurdist action adult adventure assassin blackhumor comedy contemporary dark darkcomedy death detective humor mystery noir novella onc2020 opennovellacontest2020 parody romance satire thriller

Beatrix Cagliostro, a starving Doctor in Letters, is hired as a Ghostwriter by Athanasius Finch, an eccentric and megalomaniac P.I, and together they will solve the biggest mystery there is: how to pay rent and not die trying. 

                                                                                   ***** 


Beatrix Cagliostro(pen name) thought she had hit rock bottom as a starving artist in New York with an art degree that only qualified her to be a Subway's Sandwich Artist®, but when she finds an Ad for a live-in ghostwriter/sidekick, she jumps at the opportunity. 

What she couldn't predict was that her new employer, the self-proclaimed "World's Third Best Detective" Athanasius Finch, would flip her world upside-down as he peels back the fat upperbelly of New York's society in a conspiracy involving evil personal care products, secret American royalty, and oddly watery Clamato. 

But the biggest mystery of all, one that will take their whole, undivided attention, is how to make it to next month without starving in the process. 

                                                                *****

My entry for the #OpenNovellaContest using prompt #58 "If we are assigning blame, then this is your fault for leaving me alone with explosives in the first place."All Rights Reserved

absurdist action adult adventure assassin blackhumor comedy contemporary dark darkcomedy death detective humor mystery noir novella onc2020 opennovellacontest2020 parody romance satire thriller

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13 parts

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THE CARRIER by _N_U_A_N_C_E_

Join me on the trail of a virus unknown to mankind. Difficult in terms of detection yet adroit in transmission. The virus ultimately meets its carrier and suddenly ignites chaos. Even though this has never happened before; But can the carrier also be the cure? *Never judge a book by its cover. CLICK TO FIND OUT ********************************* MOST IMPRESSIVE RANKINGS #10 - carrier out of 1.55k stories #917 - humour out of 34k stories #160 - politics out of 8.44k stories #121 - virus out of 7k stories #94 - disease out of 6.79k stories ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~SNIPPET~ I then retrieve the keys to my grey Lamborghini Veneno, mentally picturing my sweet ride to school. I open the front door breathing in some fresh air while chanting positive vibes. (Today's going to be splendid. Nightmares can't ruin your day, never have and never will.) Just as I'm about to step out, I hear a masculine voice. "Good to see you, neighbour." I cringe. (oh no!)

Moebius 2157 | ONC2019 Short List [Complete] by taivaan_sininen

Special Agent Alyssa Caine has been tasked with the most important mission of her life: the assassination of the man who would bring about the end of the world. The only problem? He is already dead. A minor issue that is resolved in the year 2157 when a renegade group of scientists develops a device that allows to jump through time. They recruit the former special agent to send her back fifty years, to take just one man out of the equation, a minimal change with a predicted maximal effect on the fate of the world, and prevent a devastating war that has driven the last surviving humans to live in decrepit underground bunkers. Every action has a consequence. Alyssa is humanity's last hope, and her actions will determine the fate of the whole world. She is willing to sacrifice everything for a better future. But she soon realizes that the impact of her actions might be beyond her control, and beyond all predictions. _____ Highest Rankings: #16 in Science [06.02.2019] #36 in Dystopia [06.02.2019] #65 in FemaleProtagonist [01.02.2019] #71 in TimeTravel [06.02.2019] #1 in Paradox [28.02.2019] #1 in ONC2019 [01.02.2019] #3 in OpenNovellaContest2019 [28.02.2019] This is my entry for the ONC 2019! At first I thought I'd pick something a bit out of my comfort zone (so.... NOT SciFi for once...) to expand my horizon, but when I saw a prompt about time travel I was immediately inspired. Please keep in mind, all of this is WIP! The title, cover, and some of the content might change at any time... I have an outline and I worked hard to come up with a compelling and consistent story line, but due to the nature of the story (timey whimey stuff!) I might have to revise things a few times as I write. I'm grateful for any feedback and I hope you enjoy :)

𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐘 (+𝟏𝟖) by JourdonPatron

Upon turning eighteen, Mallory Carter is thrust into an arranged marriage with a man she passionately despises. After enduring months of emotional abuse, she decides to run away in pursuit of a fresh start. But fate takes an abrupt turn a couple years later when she captures the eyes of Hunter Sionis, an affluent businessman who develops a sinister obsession with her. Forcing their proximity, Hunter hires her as a live-in a nanny when she finds herself in a financial struggle, leading to a professional relationship that becomes something deeper. Little did Mallory know of the demons that hid behind Hunter's ocean eyes or his twisted game that she unknowingly became a part of until it's too late. She belonged to him, only him. She was Hunter's Prey. ─────────────────────────────── I fail to suppress the whimper that manages to escape my lips. "So scared," he whispers. "Yet so fucking wet." "I...I'm not wet..." He leans in, the tip of his nose trailing along the side of my face as his grip around my throat tightens and he lifts me off the mattress by my neck. He slides his free hand into my panties, depositing two fingers into my core. The coolness of his rings prompts a loud moan from me before he pulls them out. "Liar," he growls, glossing the seams of my lips with my own arousal. "Now, open your mouth, bambi." ⚠ TW: This book is a dark romance containing mature themes such as graphic violence, murder, mentions of abuse & self-harm, strong language, age-gap relationship and explicit sexual themes. Reader discretion is advised. Copyright ©2024. Jourdon Patron. All Rights Reserved

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 by astronomist

You die. Game over? Not quite. Welcome to the Afterlife Crucible. Every millennium, lost souls battle for a second shot at life. Forget everything you thought you knew about the afterlife. It's not pearly gates and harps - it's a ruthless gauntlet dreamed up by bored gods with a sick sense of humour. Your regrets become weapons, your sins are armour, and your secrets? Just ammo for your rivals. This is a no-holds-barred war where only the most devious spirits get to breathe again. You'll face nightmares that make Hell look like Disneyland, and opponents who'd sell their own mothers for a chance to win. Ready to fight for your life... after death? I sure as hell wasn't. There I was, barely keeping my head above water, when some prick decided to punch my ticket early. But let's face it - my chances of winning are slimmer than my ex's conscience. Who am I? Jane Doe. Just another dead girl in a sea of corpses... a junkie, a fuckup, a waste of oxygen. Or so I thought...

Running With Scissors by Sam_le_fou

Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive! ***** When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left? For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time? [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]

Gilded Obsession by PebblesPebblesPebs

Alexandria Evergreen, a bored heiress to her dearest father's hotel empire with a penchant for justice on her own terms and too much time on her hands, lives a life of luxury and moral ambiguity. Behind her poised façade lies a dangerous secret: she quite enjoys seeing the life leave the eyes of abusive and perverted men - and the occasional woman - who believe themselves untouchable, operating in the shadows of high society. Clarke Griffin, a struggling law student in her final year, is barely holding her life together. Clarke has just landed an internship at a prestigious law firm, a position she fought hard for. Now all she wants is to graduate, pass the bar exam, and start building her career, following in the footsteps of her late father. From the moment Alexandria lays eyes on a stunning Clarke, she's obsessed. What could possibly go wrong when one is morally grey at best, entirely unhinged and a walking red flag at worst and the other embodies everything Alexandria isn't - pure, principled, and committed to the legal system? I'll be putting trigger warnings below, and I will add to the list as new potential triggers become relevant in the story. Always feel free to let me know if I have missed any. TW: Strong language, blood and gore, murder, sexual content, mature themes, violence, mentions of abuse (of all kinds), sexism, torture, mention of drugs, mention of suicide, absolute toxic, obsessive, and unhinged behavior.

Killer Sweets! by ChibiRedd1

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Heart by Marlew

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Checkmate by emaguir3

The High Class of Europe. Or should I say the vampires? Everybody knows they exist, yet it is an unspoken rule to stay silent about them. You wouldn't want to risk one of them hearing you talk bad about them. The punishment for something as simple as that is unspeakable. The Vampires have built an empire from the dirt of London and have reigned for thousands of years. They continue to drag terror everywhere they step. Now in every high class, there's the low respected, middle of the pack, and the elites. Obviously, none are as interesting as the Elites of society. The cremé of the crop. Allow me to introduce you to Zara Delcour, Kaspian Auclair, Mackenzie Rousseau, and Nox Toussaint, the most powerful young adults of them all. And the great thing is? They're not going anywhere. But people are always looking for the next best thing or the next biggest deal. Alliances are formed. Threats are made. And it's all one big game of chess. + Due to harsh imagery, descriptive visuals, possible triggering moments, and certain mature themes in this novel, it is rated MATURE. There will be trigger warnings at the start of the chapters where mature scenes are held for those of you who would prefer to skip over them! (I cannot guarantee that you won't miss something crucial to the novel in those scenes.)

Get A Life | ONC2023 Shortlist by OnceUponASonder

While her best friend Cassidy snacks on brie and boys in France, Darcy Li-Quinn must face her last year of high school and the unpredictable wrath of her sister, Danica, alone. Darcy's plan for dealing with Danica and her heinous friends is simple-be invisible. But first, she's promised Cassidy she'll do 'one brave thing'. Mustering the courage to say 'hi' to the cute boy on the bus, Darcy expects rejection or indifference. She doesn't anticipate a grumpy ghost with unfinished business who needs her help. Suddenly, a quiet year of flying under the radar looks increasingly unlikely. *** Rationally, Hunter Viera knows that his brother's death wasn't his fault. But that doesn't stop his guilt about Archer invading his every thought or lessen the grief sitting heavy in his chest. Changing schools offers a fresh start, and Hunter's plan is simple-be invisible. But he hasn't counted on Darcy, or her ludicrous claim that Archer speaks to her from beyond the grave. Suddenly, a quiet year of sitting on the sidelines looks increasingly unlikely. *** This is a story about hearts and hope and public transport. This is Darcy and Hunter's story (and a little bit Archer's too). *** 'Get A Life' is my entry for Open Novella Contest 2023 and is inspired by the following prompts. 20. You finally build enough courage to talk to that cute someone you see every day on the bus. Their face turns dark as they respond "You shouldn't be able to see me." 9. There's an urban legend that's been circulating for years about a taxi cab that doesn't take you where you want to go, but where you need to go. One night, you stepped into this cab.

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Slide 1 of 10

THE CARRIER cover

Moebius 2157 | ONC2019 Short List [Complete] cover

𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑'��𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐘 (+𝟏𝟖) cover

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 cover

Running With Scissors cover

Gilded Obsession cover

Killer Sweets! cover

Checkmate cover

Get A Life | ONC2023 Shortlist cover

THE CARRIER

Join me on the trail of a virus unknown to mankind. Difficult in terms of detection yet adroit in transmission. The virus ultimately meets its carrier and suddenly ignites chaos. Even though this has never happened before; But can the carrier also be the cure? *Never judge a book by its cover. CLICK TO FIND OUT ********************************* MOST IMPRESSIVE RANKINGS #10 - carrier out of 1.55k stories #917 - humour out of 34k stories #160 - politics out of 8.44k stories #121 - virus out of 7k stories #94 - disease out of 6.79k stories ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~SNIPPET~ I then retrieve the keys to my grey Lamborghini Veneno, mentally picturing my sweet ride to school. I open the front door breathing in some fresh air while chanting positive vibes. (Today's going to be splendid. Nightmares can't ruin your day, never have and never will.) Just as I'm about to step out, I hear a masculine voice. "Good to see you, neighbour." I cringe. (oh no!)