Sort of Dead - cadaveric - Wattpad

Sort of Dead

Reads 26,601
Votes 7,176
Parts 89
Time 4h 51m

Reads 26,601
Votes 7,176
Parts 89
Time 4h 51m

blood comedy firstperson funny ghost hilarious humor lmao lolwhat notavampire quest teen teenage teenfiction thewalkingdead vampire vampireish wannadie witch witchcraft zombies

**This book features short, fun, snappy chapters**

**Perfectly fine as a standalone**

[Caution: may pack a couple of gutpunches.]


"First things first: this is the story of how I die. Over and over again."

__________________________________

Marra is NOT a vampire. He is a normal human, just like you. At least, that's what he tells himself.

Life pits him against odds so bleak, that he'd rather die than face them. That's precisely the problem though. 

He just doesn't seem to . . . die.

And now he's headed towards his worst nightmare, accompanied by a grumpy one-armed adult, a quippy spirit, a copperhead nerd, a sassy actor, a beagle, and a corpse.

Welcome to his wacky world.

Herein lies a hilarious, heartfelt, and first-hand account from Marra himself, ridden with characters to tickle your funnybone, witchraft to bewitch you, and loads of weird but laugh-out-loud stuff. Like, loads.

Enjoy.
______________________________________

{ Awesome cover by @jaszthewayyoulikeit }

#completed

***All rights reserved: Do not recreate or plagiarise. This is an original work.***All Rights Reserved

blood comedy firstperson funny ghost hilarious humor lmao lolwhat notavampire quest teen teenage teenfiction thewalkingdead vampire vampireish wannadie witch witchcraft zombies

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89 parts

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Love, Anonymous by Liz_Plum

*Completed* "I just want to know why." I say as I turn over, trying to find his figure through the dark of my room. "Why what?" He asks. "Why you're being so nice to me." I say quietly, vulnerability seeping into my words. "How we even became friends." He sighs, "I want to know how." I scrunch my brow. "How what?" His response is soft, the opposite of his sarcastic personality. "How you don't see it." ******* Reagan Holt was about as average as a high school student could be. She didn't play any sports, didn't participate in the popular activities, and wasn't the girl all the boys chased after. All except one boy. He wrote her a letter every week. Each letter described something new for him to love about her. Whether it was how beautiful her laugh was or how his heart swelled with every smile she gave, he never failed to write how he felt. So the two should be together, right? That's the way Reagan wants it, but there's just one problem. He signs his letters "Love, Anonymous." Now add an obnoxious, conceited, sex god into the equation and you get a teenage girl confused on who really loves her. The sweet, tender written anonymous lover, or the cocky, ignorant asshole? -REVIEWS- "You create such wonderful characters and I can't wait to see what happens next!" VampireSa5m41993 "Thank you for wonderful dogs and little brothers and eccentrically hormonal best friends!" -Nat-Attack "I am totally hooked on this book!" nbazinet "I love the way the story flows and that you have really roundabout characters. It's as if they're real while I'm reading!" life_is_beautiful115 "Your work is literally art." lemonsun123 "Every time I read this book it just makes me smile." Nicooole97 Cover by: -winterr

Forlot: Return of the Monster Protector - Book Eleven by Forlot_Forever

It may be a small town. But it has its many secrets. ----------------------------- "Sweetie, I just want to help you." "And how are you going to do that? Lock me up in an asylum where there are psychos who could hurt me? Put me to death? The possibilities are endless when it comes to getting rid of me, huh?" "I would do no such things." "Now who is the liar? And for the record, I have delicious snacks tugged away in my bag if I get hungry. I do not need your poisonous food. Also, do not call me your sweetie or sweetheart. Margie is your child now." "Margaret, you are sick. You need help." "The only help that I need..." She took a bow and arrow out of her bag, letting go of her bag in the process, and set the arrow on the bow. "...you all need help." Without any warnings, she grabbed ahold of me, forcing me to my feet, and held me close to her, pointing the sharp end of the arrow at my neck. "And the only way that you guys will receive help is if I kill my replacement." ----------------------------- If you like adventure, mystery, humor, or cliffhangers, then this is the book for you! Cover: Recolor Copyright by Ash J. All Rights Reserved

Perfect Fate ✔ (Will Be Removed 1st Of FEB) by fanoshkaflippo

Wattpad Creator! Happy and proud. HIM: Staying the night? Not my thing. Hearts and flowers? Boring. Falling in love? Not anytime soon. Settling down? Off the table. Getting married? You're kidding me, right? That was me before the night we first met. Because, well, meeting a hot chick that made me hard just by looking at her was definitely not in my plans when I sneaked out of a woman's apartment after what was already a long night. Taking her home and getting her a chocolate cake, though, was kind of intentional. But falling for her? Boy, that was pretty much inevitable. HER: He came out of nowhere, literally. I was there, sitting on that bench, barefoot and crying and just getting my heart broken in peace and silence. Then he appeared, all mad and furious and sexy and tall and just drool-worthy! And just like that, despite my poor attempts of escaping him, he had me wrapped in his world. A crazy yet heart-fluttering world, that I have absolutely no intentions of leaving anytime soon. ------- Character development is a main theme in this book. It shows you how they both work on changing for the better, while trying to overcome the obstacles in their relationship and fight for each other till the end. ** Warning!! Some chapters contain sexual scenes, but there's always a warning at the head of the chapter. Do not read them if you're under 18.** * Also, please beware that this story contains a lot of swearing. Read at your own risk. * **I don't own any photos used in this book. All are found on the internet for public use.** Highest Rankings: Sexy - #1 Love - #1 General Fiction - #41 Romance - #46 ------ ** Copyright © 2014 by Fanoshka Flippo (Farah Fekry). All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Fanoshka Flippo / Farah Fekry. **

I Checked Out the Badboy's Boxers by itzdelicate

"Not the typical cliche teen fiction" "You're hooked from the get go. Pretty much similar to when you can't stop eating till the last slice of pizza, or have the eagerness to pee, but can't because you're scared that if you stop reading you'll miss the intensity each word brings." "There isn't even a word good enough to describe this book. I'm speechless." - "Please Lexa?" Elle looks at me, "Just fill in my spot for ten minutes." At that moment I was calm, what could go wrong with running a checkout isle for ten minutes? As it turns out, everything. -- "Why are you checking me out?" His voice questions. Even his voice is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. Not to mention the broad shoulder, killer jawlined boy it came from. "I wasn't, I swear!" My cheeks blush ferociously. How the hell did he notice? In fact I'd always thought I was pretty stealthy. He just chuckles and looks at me, a rambling mess, "Yes you are." "Okay, alright, you know what-" I pause trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered dignity from the floor, "Maybe you shouldn't come in here like a fracking ambercrombie model and then on top of that blame a poor little innocent girl for looking-" "I meant those. You're checking me out." He gestures to the items laying across the counter and the scanner in my hand. Oh shit. Let me just repeat that for a moment now. Oh shit. -- Started: 12/27/15 Ended: 10/24/18 February 2019: #1 HUMOR -- Warning: I cannot guarantee you will walk away from this book unaffected

The Other Side of the Lie (EDITING, ON HOLD) by NyaLawrence

What if humans lived alongside witches, vampires, fey, and werewolves? Yeah, they don't though. They're divided into Factiones (no, that isn't a typo, go away Grammarly) by a starburst mountain range that is actually new, relative to the rest of the geology. Then someone dies. Of course. Not original is it? I suppose there's a good reason it always starts with someone dying. Well, being murdered in this particular case. I know, also not very original. But please, bear with me. Basically, the people in power are insane and dangerous. (There are really too many clichés here, aren't there?) And our not-so-normal band of motley heroes have to stop these crazy people. I understand that this is more or less the same plot line as 17% (minimum) of all books on the planet, but seriously, if you want to have a 12-year-old (almost) burn down/melt half a castle, this is your book. Be patient though, because it might take you a bit to get there. Enjoy! 1st completed book!!!!!! (I haven't edited it yet though, so if it seems a little rough it's normal. I'm having it proof-read and edited, but it might take a while before the updated versions are available to be published here.)

Reach {Book One of the Deathly Consequences Series} by MadameBitch01

[Warning; This book has plenty of foul language that sometimes borders on obscene, a couple of drool-worthy males, a smoking hot MC, and a storyline that will probably make you cry. *Run on sentence/warning done*] Thana Kage has been on the run for nearly half of her life. Hopping all across the world for five years and waiting for the time when people have forgotten she ever existed, Thana finally returned to make a new life for herself where it had all began. For three years, the plan went along well. She gained a new...friend, made her debut in a public school, and even procured a steady job with a solid income. It was all going so smoothly that Karma just couldn't help but bite her in the ass again. The Shade Brothers, the infamous Quad that Thana herself had once been apart of so long ago, have arrived to put a kink in Thana's well-maintained plan. She thought she had forgotten them. That they had forgotten her. They didn't forget nor did she. Que karmic ass-biting. *This is a slow-burn RH story with four hunks and one kickass female who've they've promised the world to while she keeps it all spinning. 40,000+ words so don't be deterred by the shortage of chapters.* {Apologies. I'm terrible at describing my story but by no means terrible in story...I think? Semi-good? Half-good? I don't know 😅 Anywho, give it a chance or a whirl and let me know what you think! P.S. This story is still in the editing stages so if you spot anything kinky let me know and I'll edit away! Happy reading :)}

Bloody Walls by Luc1f3rsFavSinner

Chapter one be like : "I Sam Wilson promise not to do anything disrespectful or bad towards Thomas for the rest of my life as a child." So you just saw that idiot? Back before my hair was red before i looked like this. That promise I broke too. Ok listen you wouldn't blame me! I made that promise as a 5 year old once my mom and dad went missing and my older brother had to raise me. Im 14 now and my brother 21. If anything I'm everyones second choice. Also also! I AM A GIRL!!! Not a boy! I just have my hair cut short because its better that way. I wrote all this down in my dairy and closed it. "Sam?" My brother walked in. "What?" I replied back. "You know how your therapist suggested going to a special teen camp?" "Yeah." "Well this summer your going to one!" "What?! Camp...? Thomas I'm not 6." "Well you are now!" "Are you going with me at least?" "Yeah! I'm working there! I can't just leave you there." "Oh my goddddd-" I rolled my eyes and put my head back on my pillow. Special camp!? Im not sped! I'm not going! "I already got your stuff packed! We start heading there next week!" Why does he sound exited. I looked him in the eyes and than rolled mine. "Come on Samuel!" "Shut up! I dont care!" I put my headphones back in and ignored his dumb speech of sibling bonding. Seriously? This is why he's still single. Even I have gotten asked out. Hear me out he hasn't had a girlfriend at all! How do you not get a girlfriend in this amount of time!? Instead of signing me up for some stupid shit you could be on tinder finding a girl! But nooooooo sign my little sister up for camp!!! Ugh whatever.

Sort of Deadly by RaghavBhatia7

*Sequel to 'Sort Of Dead'* *Kindly read the previous installment beforehand* ~ "You know the feeling when you see a glass jar filled with perfectly round, colorful marbles, and you just want to put one - or two, or three - in your mouth, even though you know it's dangerous and can kill you? Right. Hold that thought. We'll come back to it." _______________________________________ Not all dreams terminate when you wake up. Some last longer. And some can take over your reality. After the party's victorious return to {Undisclosed}, it takes them a while to coze up to their silly, mundane lives. The sail's smooth . . . at least until Bee starts having those awful nightmares. Those very REAL nightmares. The bookworm finds herself in such a fix - oh, boy, wait for this - that she can't think a way out of it. She's pretty certain she's going to die. It's her friends that she is more worried about. --Have fun! All of your favorite characters are back in this one, and then some! Laugh and sob and cheer them on! #completed { Awesome cover by @jaszthewayyoulikeit } Pst scrpt: I know this blurb sucks. ***All rights reserved: Do not recreate or plagiarise. This is an original work.***

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 by astronomist

You die. Game over? Not quite. Welcome to the Afterlife Crucible. Every millennium, lost souls battle for a second shot at life. Forget everything you thought you knew about the afterlife. It's not pearly gates and harps - it's a ruthless gauntlet dreamed up by bored gods with a sick sense of humour. Your regrets become weapons, your sins are armour, and your secrets? Just ammo for your rivals. This is a no-holds-barred war where only the most devious spirits get to breathe again. You'll face nightmares that make Hell look like Disneyland, and opponents who'd sell their own mothers for a chance to win. Ready to fight for your life... after death? I sure as hell wasn't. There I was, barely keeping my head above water, when some prick decided to punch my ticket early. But let's face it - my chances of winning are slimmer than my ex's conscience. Who am I? Jane Doe. Just another dead girl in a sea of corpses... a junkie, a fuckup, a waste of oxygen. Or so I thought...

The Billionaire Mafia Boss Alpha Bad Boy and Me by YYeung128

A parody... except it slowly gets less satirical as I get way too attached to the characters and turn the story into a shipping-fest ~~~~ "Why are you doing this?" I whispered. He slammed me against another locker. I could see anger, sadness, envy, happiness and lust in his teal green orbs. "Because you're mine." He smirked, gnashing his teeth against mine. ~~~~ Brynn Winters is a 17 year old good girl. She is sweeter than sugar. She is also sarcastic and quirky and innocent and naive and snarky and is a bookworm and not like other girls. She also has trauma to (barely) compensate for her lack of personality. She believes in love but she has never experienced any, until she met him. Ryder Daniels is a 18 year old bad boy. He is sweeter than sin. He is dark and mysterious and plays football (not shown in book). He smokes and drinks beer. He is a ladies' man and a player. He has walls around his heart and some dark secrets that is definitely not spoiled in the title. He does not believe in love. Brynn and Ryder are opposites. So what happens when they meet? He is not who she thinks he is. Will it end in disaster? Or will it end in love? Will it end in flames? Or will it end in a different kind of flame? As disasters come their way, will they choose love or not love? Will their secrets drive them apart? Or will they trust in each other? Join them on their journey of love. There will be love, annoying sluts, conversations that doesn't pass the Bechdel test, cliche tropes, glaring plot holes, subtly glaring plot holes, socialism, orbs, humor, secondhand embarrassment and the tiniest hints of homoeroticism. ~~~~ Reviews (aka criticisms that I'm too lazy to correct): "From a horribly done parody to horribly done leftist propaganda." "Brynn and Ryder are the most frustrating couple I've ever read." "Where humor" "You can't use parody as an excuse for bad writing, you know."

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Slide 1 of 10

Love, Anonymous cover

Forlot: Return of the Monster Protector - Book Eleven cover

Perfect Fate ✔ (Will Be Removed 1st Of FEB) cover

I Checked Out the Badboy's Boxers cover

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Reach {Book One of the Deathly Consequences Series} cover

Bloody Walls cover

Sort of Deadly cover

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 cover

The Billionaire Mafia Boss Alpha Bad Boy and Me cover

Love, Anonymous

Completed "I just want to know why." I say as I turn over, trying to find his figure through the dark of my room. "Why what?" He asks. "Why you're being so nice to me." I say quietly, vulnerability seeping into my words. "How we even became friends." He sighs, "I want to know how." I scrunch my brow. "How what?" His response is soft, the opposite of his sarcastic personality. "How you don't see it." ******* Reagan Holt was about as average as a high school student could be. She didn't play any sports, didn't participate in the popular activities, and wasn't the girl all the boys chased after. All except one boy. He wrote her a letter every week. Each letter described something new for him to love about her. Whether it was how beautiful her laugh was or how his heart swelled with every smile she gave, he never failed to write how he felt. So the two should be together, right? That's the way Reagan wants it, but there's just one problem. He signs his letters "Love, Anonymous." Now add an obnoxious, conceited, sex god into the equation and you get a teenage girl confused on who really loves her. The sweet, tender written anonymous lover, or the cocky, ignorant asshole? -REVIEWS- "You create such wonderful characters and I can't wait to see what happens next!" VampireSa5m41993 "Thank you for wonderful dogs and little brothers and eccentrically hormonal best friends!" -Nat-Attack "I am totally hooked on this book!" nbazinet "I love the way the story flows and that you have really roundabout characters. It's as if they're real while I'm reading!" life_is_beautiful115 "Your work is literally art." lemonsun123 "Every time I read this book it just makes me smile." Nicooole97 Cover by: -winterr