Sort of Dead - cadaveric - Wattpad

Sort of Dead

Reads 26,533
Votes 7,176
Parts 89
Time 4h 51m

Reads 26,533
Votes 7,176
Parts 89
Time 4h 51m

blood comedy firstperson funny ghost hilarious humor lmao lolwhat notavampire quest teen teenage teenfiction thewalkingdead vampire vampireish wannadie witch witchcraft zombies

**This book features short, fun, snappy chapters**

**Perfectly fine as a standalone**

[Caution: may pack a couple of gutpunches.]


"First things first: this is the story of how I die. Over and over again."

__________________________________

Marra is NOT a vampire. He is a normal human, just like you. At least, that's what he tells himself.

Life pits him against odds so bleak, that he'd rather die than face them. That's precisely the problem though. 

He just doesn't seem to . . . die.

And now he's headed towards his worst nightmare, accompanied by a grumpy one-armed adult, a quippy spirit, a copperhead nerd, a sassy actor, a beagle, and a corpse.

Welcome to his wacky world.

Herein lies a hilarious, heartfelt, and first-hand account from Marra himself, ridden with characters to tickle your funnybone, witchraft to bewitch you, and loads of weird but laugh-out-loud stuff. Like, loads.

Enjoy.
______________________________________

{ Awesome cover by @jaszthewayyoulikeit }

#completed

***All rights reserved: Do not recreate or plagiarise. This is an original work.***All Rights Reserved

blood comedy firstperson funny ghost hilarious humor lmao lolwhat notavampire quest teen teenage teenfiction thewalkingdead vampire vampireish wannadie witch witchcraft zombies

Table of contents

89 parts

Sign up to add Sort of Dead to your library and receive updates

or

Content Guidelines

You may also like

Hell Hall by kamerykae

High School. A virtual hell to every pimple covered, greasy haired, knowledge loving kid who walks the halls of the institution. Only a very proud few manage to rise among the ranks to become "the cool kids," snagging the lucky fate of living the best years of their lives up through the twelfth grade. We'll just not tell them what happens after they graduate. In ten years, when the kid the football team swirlied is their boss, they'll realize that it probably would have been better to not be cool when they were teens. But that doesn't matter now. Why you ask? I'll tell you. My name is Bridge, which isn't short for Bridgette, if you were wondering. My parents were assholes when they were younger, I guess. It could have been worse; at least I'm not a piece of fruit or an airline. Unique names can kiss my little undead butt. Oh yeah, that. I'm also dead. No need to apologize—it's not your fault, unless you're the pile of crap who murdered me. If so, could you fill me in on what happened? I'd really like to know how my life ended. The last thing I remember is going out for a milkshake and then, poof! I was here. Where is here, you ask? If you ask any of the adults, it's Harrison's Preparatory Institution for the Gifted and Unknown. If you ask any of the students, it's Hell Hall. That's right, bitches; high school is now back in session.

Reach {Book One of the Deathly Consequences Series} by MadameBitch01

[Warning; This book has plenty of foul language that sometimes borders on obscene, a couple of drool-worthy males, a smoking hot MC, and a storyline that will probably make you cry. *Run on sentence/warning done*] Thana Kage has been on the run for nearly half of her life. Hopping all across the world for five years and waiting for the time when people have forgotten she ever existed, Thana finally returned to make a new life for herself where it had all began. For three years, the plan went along well. She gained a new...friend, made her debut in a public school, and even procured a steady job with a solid income. It was all going so smoothly that Karma just couldn't help but bite her in the ass again. The Shade Brothers, the infamous Quad that Thana herself had once been apart of so long ago, have arrived to put a kink in Thana's well-maintained plan. She thought she had forgotten them. That they had forgotten her. They didn't forget nor did she. Que karmic ass-biting. *This is a slow-burn RH story with four hunks and one kickass female who've they've promised the world to while she keeps it all spinning. 40,000+ words so don't be deterred by the shortage of chapters.* {Apologies. I'm terrible at describing my story but by no means terrible in story...I think? Semi-good? Half-good? I don't know 😅 Anywho, give it a chance or a whirl and let me know what you think! P.S. This story is still in the editing stages so if you spot anything kinky let me know and I'll edit away! Happy reading :)}

Fangs and Fur: A Wish Gone Wrong by lmeme123

Jordan James wants nothing more than to be far away from her boring reality. When her wish is unexpectedly granted, she finds herself in a strange new world filled with creatures she didn't know existed. Where unexpected feelings begin to emerge and secrets are unburied. She learns there is more to her story than she ever could have imagined. Will she find herself drawn to this new world? Or regret her foolish longing to be someone new and wish to return? Or maybe it was her destiny to be someone else. someone she never believed she could be-all along. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> How did he? I make eye contact with him, and his eyes flash a color of red, and his face turns pale. I haven't noticed before, but I can visibly see a pair of fangs in his teeth. "V...v" I start, backing up. "It's okay, If I wanted to hurt you, I would have," he says, walking toward the darkness of the cave. "Vampire," I whisper to myself. He's a vampire.

Beyond the City Lights by EvelynMuoz0

***"Scream if you find anything" He says "I have my- "I begin to say realizing my gun was no longer with me. "Yeah I took your gun when we came here" I swear under my breath before entering the shed to change because it's cold and I don't want to be naked in front of a stranger. "Stupid wolf-man" I mumble slipping into my jeans. "I can hear you" I roll my eyes before coming outside. "You forgot the shoes" I look down at my bare feet. When I look up he was walking to I don't know where. I had to jog to keep up with him. "Where are- -we going?" He stops making me collide with his back. "You'll see" I fix the hair that smacked my face.*** Preview The rules for Morgan are simple: Don't let your feelings get in the way of what is really happening. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4QnuPKciys ***Chapter 10 is available** 11-20 are private! Ranked #385 for Werewolves and Vampires!!!!! https://www.wattpad.com/story/143216812-beyond-the-city-lights-overcoming-the-darkness (Book TWOOOOO)

The 12 Elementals by just-A_potato

Yet again Darkness is hungry for a war to end it all, but Light will always have troops at the ready. One girl. One kingdom. Eleven friends. Four Elements. No biggie. * I'm Melody, hybrid freak, nice to meet you, strange muggle who I know nothing about. I used to be like you, cluelessly ignorant and uninvolved with the outside world. You know, they have a big, yellow ball of gas in the sky. Weird. Anyway my life became something out of a bad Si-Fi movie, and no, Nicolas Cage isn't in it (sadly). There are two forces in the world, Light and Darkness, and when you side with Light, Darkness gets a stick up its ass and wants you to suffer. My friends and I, we roll with Light, you must know where that leads.... I have a kingdom to learn, powers to master, loud friends to keep in line, a boy that I'm messed up over, and above it all, Darkness to show whose boss. Not as easy as you might think, but this is MY story, and I know how it ends. Being a loyal follower of Light shows me the beauty in life and the devastation it can cause. Don't get me wrong, I love Light, but Darkness makes it hard to stay and fight. * Melody is weird. She's childish. She's awkward. And she's got boy issues she needs to work out. Mel will face evil like no other, but can she do it? Will the scales of Light and Darkness finally be tipped? How can one girl make a difference? This is Melody, a corky teenager, and she wants you to read her story. Like now. Enjoy! Highest rank- #69 in Fantasy (Still cant believe it!!)

Forlot: Return of the Monster Protector - Book Eleven by Forlot_Forever

It may be a small town. But it has its many secrets. ----------------------------- "Sweetie, I just want to help you." "And how are you going to do that? Lock me up in an asylum where there are psychos who could hurt me? Put me to death? The possibilities are endless when it comes to getting rid of me, huh?" "I would do no such things." "Now who is the liar? And for the record, I have delicious snacks tugged away in my bag if I get hungry. I do not need your poisonous food. Also, do not call me your sweetie or sweetheart. Margie is your child now." "Margaret, you are sick. You need help." "The only help that I need..." She took a bow and arrow out of her bag, letting go of her bag in the process, and set the arrow on the bow. "...you all need help." Without any warnings, she grabbed ahold of me, forcing me to my feet, and held me close to her, pointing the sharp end of the arrow at my neck. "And the only way that you guys will receive help is if I kill my replacement." ----------------------------- If you like adventure, mystery, humor, or cliffhangers, then this is the book for you! Cover: Recolor Copyright by Ash J. All Rights Reserved

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 by astronomist

You die. Game over? Not quite. Welcome to the Afterlife Crucible. Every millennium, lost souls battle for a second shot at life. Forget everything you thought you knew about the afterlife. It's not pearly gates and harps - it's a ruthless gauntlet dreamed up by bored gods with a sick sense of humour. Your regrets become weapons, your sins are armour, and your secrets? Just ammo for your rivals. This is a no-holds-barred war where only the most devious spirits get to breathe again. You'll face nightmares that make Hell look like Disneyland, and opponents who'd sell their own mothers for a chance to win. Ready to fight for your life... after death? I sure as hell wasn't. There I was, barely keeping my head above water, when some prick decided to punch my ticket early. But let's face it - my chances of winning are slimmer than my ex's conscience. Who am I? Jane Doe. Just another dead girl in a sea of corpses... a junkie, a fuckup, a waste of oxygen. Or so I thought...

The Billionaire Mafia Boss Alpha Bad Boy and Me by YYeung128

A parody... except it slowly gets less satirical as I get way too attached to the characters and turn the story into a shipping-fest ~~~~ "Why are you doing this?" I whispered. He slammed me against another locker. I could see anger, sadness, envy, happiness and lust in his teal green orbs. "Because you're mine." He smirked, gnashing his teeth against mine. ~~~~ Brynn Winters is a 17 year old good girl. She is sweeter than sugar. She is also sarcastic and quirky and innocent and naive and snarky and is a bookworm and not like other girls. She also has trauma to (barely) compensate for her lack of personality. She believes in love but she has never experienced any, until she met him. Ryder Daniels is a 18 year old bad boy. He is sweeter than sin. He is dark and mysterious and plays football (not shown in book). He smokes and drinks beer. He is a ladies' man and a player. He has walls around his heart and some dark secrets that is definitely not spoiled in the title. He does not believe in love. Brynn and Ryder are opposites. So what happens when they meet? He is not who she thinks he is. Will it end in disaster? Or will it end in love? Will it end in flames? Or will it end in a different kind of flame? As disasters come their way, will they choose love or not love? Will their secrets drive them apart? Or will they trust in each other? Join them on their journey of love. There will be love, annoying sluts, conversations that doesn't pass the Bechdel test, cliche tropes, glaring plot holes, subtly glaring plot holes, socialism, orbs, humor, secondhand embarrassment and the tiniest hints of homoeroticism. ~~~~ Reviews (aka criticisms that I'm too lazy to correct): "From a horribly done parody to horribly done leftist propaganda." "Brynn and Ryder are the most frustrating couple I've ever read." "Where humor" "You can't use parody as an excuse for bad writing, you know."

Sort of Deadly by RaghavBhatia7

*Sequel to 'Sort Of Dead'* *Kindly read the previous installment beforehand* ~ "You know the feeling when you see a glass jar filled with perfectly round, colorful marbles, and you just want to put one - or two, or three - in your mouth, even though you know it's dangerous and can kill you? Right. Hold that thought. We'll come back to it." _______________________________________ Not all dreams terminate when you wake up. Some last longer. And some can take over your reality. After the party's victorious return to {Undisclosed}, it takes them a while to coze up to their silly, mundane lives. The sail's smooth . . . at least until Bee starts having those awful nightmares. Those very REAL nightmares. The bookworm finds herself in such a fix - oh, boy, wait for this - that she can't think a way out of it. She's pretty certain she's going to die. It's her friends that she is more worried about. --Have fun! All of your favorite characters are back in this one, and then some! Laugh and sob and cheer them on! #completed { Awesome cover by @jaszthewayyoulikeit } Pst scrpt: I know this blurb sucks. ***All rights reserved: Do not recreate or plagiarise. This is an original work.***

Born To Burn by RebelKaye

Only the first 10 chapters are open.. NOW ON AMAZON! PLEASE BE SURE TO CHECK IT OUT AND SHOW ME SOME LOVE! COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU! ❤️🥰❤️ Come with me... And you'll be... In a world... Of my own creation.. Not to mention you'll find an adventure unlike any other that spans not only multiple worlds, but elements. Find magic, drama, suspense and wars being waged to save all of existence! Follow along as Ember, who has to rediscover her past, rises and saves all the way only she ever could. Raised by a pack of wolves after being discovered in the woods under strange circumstances, Ember is truly lost. She's no wolf...but she's no human either. One look into her burning orange eyes confirms it. But living in a pack with no inner wolf isn't easy. "Normal" kids can be cruel...wolves draw blood. After fighting urges she doesn't understand and finding out her true origins, Ember must face her fears and take the reins on her destiny. It may actually mean the end of existence itself if she doesn't.... Come along on her journey. Feel her pain. Watch her rise, dance through the flames meant to destroy her and be reborn. Side Note: If you'd like to support my current and future content, feel free to buy me a coffee! https://www.buymeacoffee.com/RebelKaye No pressure. Your absolutely appreciated either way. Thank you!

You may also like

Slide 1 of 10

Hell Hall cover

Reach {Book One of the Deathly Consequences Series} cover

Fangs and Fur: A Wish Gone Wrong cover

Beyond the City Lights cover

The 12 Elementals cover

Forlot: Return of the Monster Protector - Book Eleven cover

Afterlife: Oblivion #Wattys2024 cover

The Billionaire Mafia Boss Alpha Bad Boy and Me cover

Sort of Deadly cover

Born To Burn cover

Hell Hall

High School. A virtual hell to every pimple covered, greasy haired, knowledge loving kid who walks the halls of the institution. Only a very proud few manage to rise among the ranks to become "the cool kids," snagging the lucky fate of living the best years of their lives up through the twelfth grade. We'll just not tell them what happens after they graduate. In ten years, when the kid the football team swirlied is their boss, they'll realize that it probably would have been better to not be cool when they were teens. But that doesn't matter now. Why you ask? I'll tell you. My name is Bridge, which isn't short for Bridgette, if you were wondering. My parents were assholes when they were younger, I guess. It could have been worse; at least I'm not a piece of fruit or an airline. Unique names can kiss my little undead butt. Oh yeah, that. I'm also dead. No need to apologize—it's not your fault, unless you're the pile of crap who murdered me. If so, could you fill me in on what happened? I'd really like to know how my life ended. The last thing I remember is going out for a milkshake and then, poof! I was here. Where is here, you ask? If you ask any of the adults, it's Harrison's Preparatory Institution for the Gifted and Unknown. If you ask any of the students, it's Hell Hall. That's right, bitches; high school is now back in session.