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AGONY
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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Thu, Feb 13, 2020
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Bagaimanakah rasanya menjalani hidup sejak lahir di ruangan yang sempit, gelap, lembap, bacin, dan menyedihkan? Mungkin saja menakutkan, mengenaskan, atau memilukan. Namun, semua itu kemungkinan hanya bisa dipahami betul oleh orang yang sebelumnya mengetahui ruang hidup yang lebih baik, lebih bebas, lebih indah. Bagaimana halnya apabila kita hidup di ruangan semacam itu sejak awal mula dilahirkan? Tentulah kita tak memiliki pembanding antara ruang hidup yang menyenangkan dan tidak menyenangkan. Apalagi apabila kita dilahirkan dengan keadaan yang tidak lengkap-setidaknya menurut parameter manusia pada umumnya-tak memiliki penglihatan, tak memiliki pendengaran, dan tak bisa berbicara. Katakanlah, kita dilahirkan di ruangan sempit itu, ruangan yang tidak menyenangkan itu, dalam keadaan buta, tuli, dan bisu. Kiranya apa yang akan kita pikirkan? Akankah kita tetap bisa melihat? Akankah kita tetap bisa mendengar? Akankah kita tetap bisa berbicara? Semua itu mungkin saja.
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#28
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I'm trying to keep my eyes open while hearing the noises of doctors and the beeps of machines. It's feeling like something is going away from me. I'm trying my best to keep my conscious. But second by second my strength is draining and pain is increasing into my head and whole body. But right now , I don't give damn to my own self. Anything could happen to me. I don't care. But nothing should happen to my child ... he should survive and live his life unlike his mother "who never got anything in her life. First I couldn't get the love from my parents "which i deserved.." then i got the husband "who don't give shit to my existence. My whole life went trying to get the piece of love "which I at least deserved once in my life . But no one dared to give to me and now god is snatching my last happiness as well. Which is my child. When I'd got to know about him. A ray of hope I'd felt in my life. I thought at least now I'll able to get someone whom I could call mine. But seems like god couldn't see me stay happy and now I'm laying on death bed holding my womb pleading to god that he should keep my baby safe. But I guess he can't see me happy and soon I heard doctor's faint voice " who announced baby is no more. We lost the baby. He whispered looking at other doctors being dejected. Tears made their ways from my twitching eyes..' and I felt like to scream and cry bitterly. All the emotions are gushing towards my brain and heart. but being numb on the bed made me so helpless that I can't even cry. After battling I couldn't hold my sanity and fell unconscious.

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