My sad

you hurt my heart and now i don't know how to fix it !. but still i love you, but my heart hurts a lot is an inexplicable pain, and every day it hurts! when i can't take it anymore, i will die! die of sweat, die of sadness, die without you!
you know that you own my heart! and you hurt me, I don't think I know where the way out of this pain is! but I'm always asking God to take me out of this pain, to take that pain out, just like that.. I thought you could be here with me when this anxiety and sadness crisis (at the same time) came! but I realized that nobody cares about anyone, everyone is INDIVIDUALIST!
I never said what I felt to my mother, father and sister, because it was a way to defend them from my feeling! maybe i'm doing the wrong thing but for me it was the best thing to do!
today i woke up sad! with a pain that no longer fits in my heart! but maybe that pain will subside or maybe not! it hurts and it's something i don't know why this is happening, why I always hear someone talking to me you're rich you have a home, you have a bike for when you want to go out, you have an iphone XR, that no one your age has !! and I wonder if these people are sad because they don't have it ?! maybe not because sadness doesn't choose the ugly or the beautiful person! never ask for help, because they always told me that people say q is drama does it to draw attention that it was a lack of God, and I know it is not a lack of God because I always had God in my heart! I know it's not easy to go through this but God will take it from me! And many times I find myself like this, sad, discouraged and unmotivated. I'm not sure what happens cmg, but it is something inexplicable, horrible. I try to get up, to be "happy", but they are attempts in vain, it seems that I am stuck in chains of sadness, suffocated by them; I find myself in darkness, in an abyss. I come across thoughts of Suicide!