Well, what would have made me leave my one month daughter in front of the orphanage door , as her mother what pushed me to the extent of leaving her,not being there to see her first sit,crawl,walk ,hear her say her first words hoping it would be related to me, hear her call out to me when she cried, stay up at night with her singing some lullaby,read her some stories, tell her that there was a prince charming who would love her as her father loved me but where was I , staying far away from her, God knows how terrible a mother I was leaving her without even looking back.
"I love you Treasure, always and forever, I'm sorry darling, I'm really sorry", I said as I cried telling myself do I really have to do this then I left without turning back hoping she would never hate me,she would remember how much I love her.
"Treasure what're you doing awake by this time". I heard my mum voice trailing behind.
I shivered,I knew perfectly the rules of not being awake by this time. I would only get scolded at and maybe my phone seized. But it's not really my fault for wanting a distraction from my messy life. I just couldn't take it anymore,I was tired of thinking of my life
I was tired of blaming God for the circumstances before me. Sometimes I feel like a burden and sometimes I wished I was never born. Life is cruel and learning from you mistakes doesn't count anymore.
I have been told about how things would be fine by my mates. Encouraging words to keep me going, but it's simply not working. I would have committed suicide but I don't want to put my mum through that pain. She is my most favorite person in the universe.
"Tress I'm talking to you. What are you doing awake?" I could feel my mum presence right behind me and dare not move. "Mum I just woke up and was just scrolling through Facebook sorry". I said after waking up from my trance.
"You know the rules,no phones at night. Don't make me believe you have a boyfriend. Goodnight and put off that phone. Mum loves you. Goodnight Tress".
"Goodnight Mum,sorry for breaking the rules. It won't happen again. I love you too". I smiled at her and watched her leave.
I was actually texting my boyfriend.. Thank goodness he didn't call tho. That was really close, didn't want my mum to worry about me....