Hurt, pain, doubt, insecurity, temporary happiness, fear, toxic relationships, anger, anxiety, issues, and chaos. They were the unwelcome passengers on my road trip of life.
While being pregnant with my daughter Lea, I was in a really dark place and one day I met some random girl in college name Nicole, she sat next to me on the hallway floor. Her being there was making me tremble from the inside out. But it wasn't her, it was Jesus in her. The way she let Jesus take over her life, made everyone feel the presence of God. I started to sobbed and she hugged me (without knowing me) then I cried even harder. She said, "there's nothing you can do that will make God unlove you." To make the long story short, that day I surrender my life to Jesus and made a friend for life.
I decided to make this 39 days bookish of writings because when life hit us hard we need a reminder of hope, joy, faith, love, and worth. The thing that inspires me every time I find myself in great difficulty is the knowledge that God loves me unconditionally, despite all my shortcomings.
His warm hand stays at my back and I can feel his body keep me close. I nod and listen to his heart again. Worry suddenly starts to ruin this beautiful moment and I whisper, "What will happen if there's something wrong? What if your faith isn't strong enough?"
Tyler's eyes soften at this and his thumb tenderly rubs my cheek. "I'm not afraid of what's to come. I have you."
"I'm not as strong as you are."
"That's what you think. You are much stronger. I can see it in you, city girl."
I smile at this but my heart isn't convinced. He doesn't know what I've been through. He doesn't know how weak I can be. How much of a coward I am.
But I promise myself that this time I'm not that woman. I'm his. I can't just run away from my problems like I've done all my life. He needs me no matter what happens.
So I'll stay against his chest; listening to his heart until it no longer makes its beautiful melody.