Lockdown Diary of an emotionally unstable mess
- Reads 138
- Votes 31
- Parts 12
Ongoing11m
Last published Mon, Sep 13, 2021
It's been about a month that we're all stuck at home.
Some people doing better than others.
I think I'm starting to lose track of time, and being alone with myself isn't doing me any good.
So I decided to write this.
To stay sane, and remember this moment of my life after all this will be over.
But it seems that we're not going anywhere, anytime soon...
~~~
Hey there !
Welcome inside the mind of an emotionally unstable mess that is me. But warning, It's really dark and messed up in here !
You surely don't really care what I'm thinking or what I'm doing, but give it a try. This diary was at the beginning a assignment for my English class, but a found it well written and quite funny that I decided to share it here.
All Rights Reserved
#71
darkthoughts
Join the largest storytelling communityGet personalized story recommendations, save your favourites to your library, and comment and vote to grow your community.
You may also like
Release
This is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxiety, sadnesses, anger, and hopelessness. I was desperate to be loved and feared it the most, I was a coward, I was self-destructive, I would mentally bend my thoughts to the point of bordering insanity. I was born into this world alone, and got too comfortable with it. Maybe I still am, but a fraction of what I used to be. This writing is extremely vulnerable, and potentially disturbing to others, as all my weaknesses, strengths, obsessions with making every moment sentimental, the sickening desperation I've had, the destructiveness, and the constant brutal reconstruction of my mind. Without guidance, it's been absolute intense chaos. Though, there is beauty in the darkness. Everything can be found in the darkness. You'll find that through my writing, I've somehow slowly become exactly what I've written. A living representation of my writing and what I wanted to be. Without myself even knowing it. A lot of my writing themes are based around nature, or some kind of natural aspect. The imagery I paint with natural metaphors is constant, the animals, just like you and I, the plants, and all other living things. I planted these seeds in my mind, unknowingly at the time, where I now feel the deep dark green jungle pressing at the inner walls of my skull. It's all that I want to consume my mind. There's so much to learn. The magic of nature, and it's infinite wisdom. It's as if I have been on this path all along, and I didn't even know what I was doing, yet my body and mind were passively taking care of me. Giving me and eventually showing exactly what I want, and wanted to become. I have every moment, every instance of suffering, and every epiphany to be thankful for. Soon, I'll be at peace from the raging storm.Complete
diary 1.0
i wanted to write something that wasnt fanfiction, so i wrote this. hope you guys enjoy !! :> also, this is from the 11th of november 2021 - 31th of december 2021. i am going to be writing some other stuff, but not one more diary. at least not for now. -bitt3rsw33tt <333Complete
THAT FIRST BREAK (Broken Redemption Prequel 1)
Choosing her cost me everything I'd ever loved... including her. I had everything a guy could ask for, a loving family, the perfect small-town life, and a promising future I had worked hard for. It should have been enough. She was off-limits, my parent's best friend's daughter, practically my sister. I fought my feelings, pretending our soul-deep connection didn't exist. When she confessed she felt the same, I pushed her away, believing our friendship mattered more than temporary infatuation. That she agreed should have come as a relief, but it left me with this void I didn't know how to fill. It's what drove me to the bonfire that night. Right there, with our friends as witnesses, I claimed her. Told her I loved her and made her promises I shouldn't have made. Hours later, it all came crashing down in a whirlwind of fire and ashes. That one split-second choice to go after a girl that wasn't meant for me cost me everything I loved. I never should have crossed that line or given in. It's why she'll forever be my greatest love and deepest regret. This tragic story is the beginning of our end...Complete
Catastrophically Carla (Lesbian Story)
Ages 14+ (lesbian concepts and some profanity) This is not your everyday love story, okay? It's not a chick flick either. The events and themes within my pages have meaning, depth, truth-and most of all, reality. You are about to be taken on an adventure about a girl who's life is not like everybody else's. I look like a normal teen girl, I mean, I have hair and two eyes and two hands and feet like everybody else, but I couldn't feel more different. I have two moms, yes. Let's just get that out there before you start reading and close my diary like everyone in my life has shut me out of theirs. All I want is a normal life with normal friends who don't judge me because of my home situation. I don't even remember the last time I went on a sleepover or called somebody my age. I don't mean to be a downer, because it does get better. Life gets better. Struggles are only temporary, I know that now. And by my last words reach your eyes, I've come a long way, and have grown to see potential in myself. I'm sharing this with you because I want to make a difference. I know now that I'm not the only one in the world that feels alone. I've been there, done that, and there's more loneliness to come, but for now, I feel more prepared for it. I know how it feels to sit by yourself at lunch every day and how it feels to watch others go to prom with dates and feel like shit because you don't think you'd even have any friends to go with. Please ready my diary. I am much older now, and much more wiser, and I can't wait for you to realize the potential in yourself, too.Complete![Being the Bad Boy's Victim [SAMPLE: Available for purchase on Amazon]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/1773102-256-k672405.jpg)
Being the Bad Boy's Victim [SAMPLE: Available for purchase on Amazon]
He leaned in closer, if that was even possible, his spearmint breath fanning across my face. My breathing got caught in my throat as he lowered his mouth to my ear. "You can deny liking me, wanting me, but let's face it- You're like all the rest. You're that good girl who so secretly but desperately wants to change me. All girls want to be the one that makes the bad boy change, they want him to change for them. So you can go around, acting like you don't care about me, go ahead Bella, do that. But let me tell you this, I enjoy a good chase, and that's exactly what you are. Cause Bella, I get what I want, and I want you." ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My full name is Bellatrix Annaliese Brown. Yeah yeah, weird name. Anyways, I am from London, England and moved here once before when I was sixteen. After being bullied, I moved back to England, where I was living with my Aunt till my parents decided I should come back to America for my senior year in high school. As you can see, I don't have the best of luck, which I guess is why- I became the Bad Boy's Victim. ___________________ PUBLISHED AND CAN BE BOUGHT ON AMAZON! http://www.amazon.com/Being-Bad-Boys-Victim-Romantic-ebook/dp/B016PSBM70/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1445179301&sr=1-1Complete
The Best Kept Secret!
They say what's in the past keep it in the past but I wanted to know all about my past. It was things that I didn't know and that I wanted and needed to know! But my life turned upside down when my past is exactly what I should have left alone. Now if you ask me how it all began, I don't exactly remember but I know it started when I moved in with my grandma who I haven't met in all my twenty years of living. I have been in and out of foster homes since I can remember, living with families I knew nothing about. Being the outcast and them constantly asking me what's wrong because I simply did not speak. The only thing that kept me sane was my good grades throughout school. I got the satisfaction of doing the one thing that people kept telling me over and over I couldn't do. I stayed to myself and graduated high school with honors, getting a full-ride scholarship to any college of my choice. Of course, by having this accomplishment, it didn't make it any easier for me between my foster families. To them, I became the girl who was better than them. But I didn't care because when I turned twenty I finally got to start making my own choices. This is where I wonder if the first choice I made was the right one. The first choice I made was to go live off-campus with my grandmother during my first semester in college. I ask myself how could I be so stupid? But you will see just how stupid I was. Or was I?Complete
Older Brothers
Drama. Drama. Drama. That pretty much describes my life. I mean when your living with your 7 older brothers, 5 cousins, best friends, and a 3 month old baby, life can't get any better! And then there's school. Well school is school. Loaded with a the different 'groups' of kids. The geeks, popular, etc. And last but not least, my parents. We don't even know where they are most the time since they go on business trips after business trips. They come for for a week at the most and leave again. My family is not rich, but not poor. We have more than enough money to get the nice things we want, but we have to earn them. My life sounds pretty interesting huh?Complete
Cold Water
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ DepressionComplete
𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 | 𝟏𝟖+
✧ 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐋𝐘𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈 (𝐀𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐍) ✧ When I was six I was kidnapped and taken away from my family for seven months. Thirteen years later and I have little to no memory of who had taken me. Ever since then my father has been severely overprotective and never lets me out of his sight. Now that I'm somewhat on my own everything starts to change. When I finish high school and start attending New York University my life takes a turn, for better and for worse. They're back. ☆ 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 ☆ Years ago we found our little angel. She just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was the light in our lives, until one day we lost her again. Thirteen years later and we still mourn the loss of our sweetheart, but we found her once, we will do it again. I am the head of the Russian mafia, or a professor at NYU depending who you ask. One day I raise my head to look around at the sea of students and my eyes lock on a familiar pair of ocean blue irises. ★ 𝐇𝐀𝐘𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐋 ★ I'm a heartless killer and offer no apologies for it. As the head of the Russian mafia along with being the CEO to a multibillion dollar company, my life is nothing but darkness. During the day I'm an office man, at night my knife slashes through the necks of anyone I can get my hands on. Killing is my outlet, ever since I lost her. It helps me keep my anger in check. I've never stopped looking for her. We've come close multiple times, but each time came out unsuccessful. As I put a bullet in the head of my ex-guard, Alex comes rushing into the room, and the look on his face says it all. He found her. Start: July 4th End: ///
my (boring) lockdown diary
Want to be taken back to quarantine in 2020? No? Well, I don't blame you ;) But if you're interested in reading the random ramblings of a very bored 16 year old during covid, then look no further! Original description: This is my coronavirus lockdown diary thingy so... yeah. Read it! (Only if you want to, though.) But if you do I'll give you a biscuit.Complete
This is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxiety, sadnesses, anger, and hopelessness. I was desperate to be loved and feared it the most, I was a coward, I was self-destructive, I would mentally bend my thoughts to the point of bordering insanity. I was born into this world alone, and got too comfortable with it. Maybe I still am, but a fraction of what I used to be. This writing is extremely vulnerable, and potentially disturbing to others, as all my weaknesses, strengths, obsessions with making every moment sentimental, the sickening desperation I've had, the destructiveness, and the constant brutal reconstruction of my mind. Without guidance, it's been absolute intense chaos. Though, there is beauty in the darkness. Everything can be found in the darkness. You'll find that through my writing, I've somehow slowly become exactly what I've written. A living representation of my writing and what I wanted to be. Without myself even knowing it. A lot of my writing themes are based around nature, or some kind of natural aspect. The imagery I paint with natural metaphors is constant, the animals, just like you and I, the plants, and all other living things. I planted these seeds in my mind, unknowingly at the time, where I now feel the deep dark green jungle pressing at the inner walls of my skull. It's all that I want to consume my mind. There's so much to learn. The magic of nature, and it's infinite wisdom. It's as if I have been on this path all along, and I didn't even know what I was doing, yet my body and mind were passively taking care of me. Giving me and eventually showing exactly what I want, and wanted to become. I have every moment, every instance of suffering, and every epiphany to be thankful for. Soon, I'll be at peace from the raging storm.
More detailsContent Guidelines