What 'if'

Hello ,fellow Earthlings, who r staring at this page, how ya doing? Good, me too, u know the other day....( I think that's enough ) oh ,come on girl, i just started telling them... Owww! That's my goddamn kidney, woman!!( well if you value your other kidney i would recommend you to stop with this trash ) OK OK, girls these days *sighs* well by the way my name is The Lost i know quite dramatic ,well bear with it, u can other wise call me *silence* lights paper pencil... 'The Narrator' *bows*( i just witnessed an utter waste of very useful letters ) Do you always have to step on my moments (*smirks* by the way u didn't introduce me yet ) Do i have to?( *clenches fist* do i hear something ) no absolutely not ( good then ) this scary grumpy young lady is my friend u can call here the 'Sub Narrator' we are going to take parts writing this book ( *realises something* did you just call me something ) i certainly didn't ( really? ) i swear on your name ( well then it better be true ) it is ( if i find otherwise *cracks knuckles* ) *gulps* [SIDE NOTE: Afterwards she did find out and the narrator was hit by a thunderous right hook] *clears throat* well, moving to the story