How Not to Vampire - Season 1 - Rodney V. Smith - Wattpad

How Not to Vampire - Season 1

iamRodneyVSmith

Reads 31,026
Votes 3,050
Parts 27
Time 5h 18m

Reads 31,026
Votes 3,050
Parts 27
Time 5h 18m

iamRodneyVSmith

Mature

Vampiring is HARD.

Things Bob has on his checklist when he accidentally becomes a vampire: a) forget everything he knows about vampires b) Google vampire survival tactics c) don't get brutally murdered by vampires.

Apparently there are vampire LAWS, and Bob, a young, romantically-challenged black man living in Toronto, never got the guidebook. Even though it's not his fault that he's broken every rule, a secret vampire society is hellbent on giving him a more permanent death. With the help of his best pal, Claude, Bob tries to stay alive and hopefully turn around his screwed-up existence in the process.

This is a FREE story with Paid Exclusive Chapters.
Wattys 2022 Shortlist
Wattpad Stormy Nights - Winner

20 CHAPTERS only on Wattpad
[[word count: 50,000-75,000 words]]

EXCERPT:
******
"Look: vampires are traditionally afraid of religious symbols. It's a well-known fact. If you're any kind of vampire, you should be outta here by now, not just sitting there drinking your coffee."

"I'm not actually drinking it yet. Some idiot keeps interrupting me by shoving religious symbols in my face."

Claude held up an ornate brass cross with a macabre Jesus Christ in the throes of death, designed to repel any nearby vampires.

"Oh look," I said dryly, "the idiot's back."

******

Edited by Debra Goelz
Cover model: Ariel Pacheco
Cover Photo by: Theik Smith
Cover designed by: Rodney V. Smith

Want more? JOIN THE DISCORD SERVER: https://discord.gg/brxdsA9

Jaime's Infinite Playlist (spotify) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DfPirPYtLKwEeSQ1upKZY?si=NhEhkcsIQOOpb7kKXIXWNw
Book Playlist: https://music.apple.com/ca/playlist/jaimes-infinite-playlist/pl.u-JPVJCEXxXYvAll Rights Reserved

This story contains Extras.Learn more.

Table of contents

27 parts

Sign up to add How Not to Vampire - Season 1 to your library and receive updates

or

Content Guidelines

You may also like

So I Might Be a Vampire - Book 1 (Original Version) by iamRodneyVSmith

Bob has got to be the worst vampire in the world. Without a guide to learn how to be a good vampire, he's making it up as he goes along... while holding down a day job. [Previously Featured #2 Vampire ] ***** Everything I'm about to tell you is a lie. Well, except the parts that actually happened, but I'm supposed to let you guess which those are. The parts about me being a vampire, working at a porn shop, and being completely clueless about vampires, those are completely true. Oh, the parts about Claude, my best friend for life, being a gentleman thief? All true. This is NOT a misguided and sordid tell-all about being a modern-day vampire. (wink wink) My vampire club for accidental vampires, Friends of Vlad does not exist. Neither do vampires like the terrifying and beautiful Beatrice. There is no big bad vampire boss named Harry pushing vampires into the 21st Century. Also nope about the vampire club in the heart of Toronto and a big nope on Madame Vera's House of the Not-so-dead. I'm just an ordinary guy who became a vampire. Nothing unusual about that. Nothing at all... [BOOK ONE of CHASING THE SUN SERIES] REVIEWS: @DavidJThirteen Humour has to be one of the toughest genres to get right. This book really pulls it off. Thank you for an enjoyable, entertaining read! @SharylFriend This was awesome beyond mere words!!! Should be a BESTSELLER! @Signed_Sealed_96 This has been by far the best and funniest book I've read. I love this and I can't wait to tell my friends about this b'%&hing vampire story I read nonstop.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒔𝒆 ✔️ |18+ by Blackswan_022

***COMPLETED*** (UNDER PROCESS OF EDITING) "Sooner or later you will fall for me, I know it. You will be begging for my touch and kisses. You'll see." ~~~ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐲 Raven loves the hunt, the thrill of killing those who have done wrong in the world. Her mind quiets and her body buzzes with pleasure of watching the life fade from her victims eyes. She knows there can never be another pleasure better than this. The world is her playground and she's the Devil ready to play. But then she saw him. An Angel. A beautiful, innocent Angel with golden hair. She was wrong, there is something better than killing and she's finally found it. She must have him, no matter what it takes. Even if he doesn't know it yet, he's hers. The predator and her little prey. Forever. But then something or someone gets in the way. Her dark, twisted past and a new serial killer is here to destroy everything. It's the ultimate game of who will make it out alive... or dead. ~~~ For ages 18+ ‼️Warning: this story contains graphic details of violence, gruesome details of murder, sexual content (good amount of it), swearing, dark thoughts, contains details of all kinds of abuse. You've been warned. Story is not perfect. Definitely needs editing from BEGINNING towards the MIDDLE. chapters: 1-15 have been edited. not the rest yet. it will take a while Best rankings- 🖤#1 in goodboy (1/24/21) 🖤#1 in badgirlinlove (2/1/21) 🖤#1 in psycho (12/8/22) 🖤#2 in badass (12/8/22) 🖤#1 in Alex Pettyfer (11/1/22) 🖤#9 in Megan Fox (9/20/21)

The Broken Raven - A Paradox Of Two Worlds Series Book 1 by K_Evans89

~Featured on @WattpadAfterDark~ ~Featured on @WattpadDarkFantasy~ ~Featured on @WattpadWitches~ ~Featured on @Magic~ ~Featured on @Stories undiscovered~ ~Featured on @Dangerouslove~ ~Featured on @Paranormal~ ~Featured on @Wattpadseries~ ~Featured on @Badassreads~ A Paradox of Two Worlds Book 1- The Broken Raven Raven Beauregard isn't just any ordinary girl. She's the first of her kind. After years of tossing and turning in the night and the feeling of darkness trying to consume her, Raven finally knows why. Growing up she never cared for others, playing the game of hearts and keeping up with the best of them. Leaving a trail of broken hearts and shattered dreams behind her. Clay Cladwell is known as the most cynical vampire around, perhaps just as broken as Raven. Never cares for others, until he finds his match in Raven. The two entangle themselves in a game of broken hearts. Fighting to see who will win. It becomes difficult for Raven and Clay to continue just being playmates once they realize how much they underestimate each other. The more Clay learns about Raven, the more he questions himself if he wants to continue playing. The world of love, secrets and sacrifices is made up of these three things. Raven and Clay must navigate their dangerous world, and confront the temptation of forbidden love. They must never let their guard down because when they do, the one thing that can destroy all supernatural's awakens. *Awards listed on Awards page after epilogue* Word count - 120,000 Highest ranks #1 in pleasurable (July 15, 2021) #4 in Paranormal (Jan 5, 2022) #5 in Terrifying (Feb 19, 2022) #1in Forbiddenromance (Aug 27, 2022) #6 in Nightchanges (June 1, 2022) THE BROKEN RAVEN. Copyright © [2022] [Kay Evans] Cover by the talented @bebecouture

Heart of Stone (Parts I & II) by Joflower

[COMPLETE] Some bonds can't be broken, even in death. -- He couldn't endure another heartbreak. "Accepting her would be a mistake," he said. "She's a human. I can't afford to have her blood on my hands." Gwen looked away, and he knew she saw the image that flashed in his mind. The slaughter. Bodies everywhere. The putrid stench of decay and metallic blood seeping through his fingers and staining the earth under his feet. The small, lifeless body in his hands whose death he couldn't prevent. And whose death he could never forget. "It won't be like that with her," she murmured to the floor. "I won't take that chance." Heavy with sorrow, her brown eyes looked up into his. "Not everyone is given a second chance. Take it." -- Soulmates only come along once in a lifetime. Or so everyone thought. She was his second chance. But her heart loved another. Fate would bring them together, and Fate would tear them apart. -- **A slow-burning, sensual love story with a splash of humor, a dash of action, and a lot of heart.** Rated PG-13 for adult content (coarse language, violence, and non-explicit sex) [There is a separate R-rated scenes book for those who want steamier scenes] CONTAINS: alpha lycan x human mates, strong female lead, second chance mates, reincarnation (tabula rasa), love-triangles, vampires, action, drama, humor, relatable characters, high stakes, passionate romances VOID OF: "insta-love," extremely possessive, aggressive, abusive alpha mates, Stockholm Syndrome *OVERALL WINNER of 2017 Flower's Awards*

Wrong Place, Wrong Time ✔️ by BlueStarrySky1

When life gives you lemons, throw it back and demand chocolate. '"Sweet baby Satan!" I screamed, accidentally gaining the attention of the murderers. Act natural, Arya. "Did you just shoot them?!" I mentally face-palmed. So much for acting natural, "Why did you do that? Holy cheese balls that's a lot of blood." I swallowed, willing my legs to do something goddammit. But they refused to cooperate. ' Arya McKenzie is a bright seventeen year old with a knack of getting into trouble. Her only friend is her younger brother. One day, Arya was walking home- completely soaked- when she decides to take a shortcut through an alleyway. Bad idea. She sees five scary boys kill three other slightly-less-scary men. Instead of running away or screaming like a normal person, she begins to ramble to said five scary boys. Instead of letting her go, however, they kidnap her. Rude. Join Arya as she navigates through a world of skittles, llamas and finding help in the most unexpected places. "I know I'm gorgeous but no need to stare. If you want an autograph, just ask." She was the girl who was in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time Features: @humor DiverseLit reading list @humor Ambassador's Monthly Picks Sept 2024

Bikes & Blood by charlizekkelly

[The Wattys 2022 Shortlisted] "There's nothing to be afraid of in Santa Carla." "Nothing to be afraid of? Oh sweetheart. There's always something to be afraid of after dark." *** Santa Carla seems like the perfect place to start fresh and, after the messy divorce between Amara's parents. The blinding lights of the boardwalk seem to be the perfect place to get lost within- -the thrill of the night seeping into anyone brave enough to stay out past sundown. The screams and shouts of the boardwalk draw people in like that of a sirens call; pulling you into the heart of Santa Carla without an inkling of regret. The music, the food and the lights bring you back time and time again- -making it almost impossible to walk away without a backwards glance. For, the lost always find there way to Santa Carla- -The Murder Capital of the World. But, what happens when Amara is sucked into the mysterious and equally thrilling world of bikers, vampires and vampire hunters? *** The Lost Boys x OC (dark romance) Highest Rankings: #1 in thelostboys1987 #1 in david #1 in dwayne #1 in thelostboys #1 in tlb #1 in lucyemerson #1 in santacarla #1 in 80smovies #1 in polyamory #2 in michaelemerson #2 in 1987 #2 in emerson #2 in samemerson #4 in marko #6 in paul trigger warnings: blood, gore, violence, supernatural themes, sexual themes, alcohol/drug use, death, smoking and swearing started: 1st of December 2021 completed: 1st of June 2022 unedited

DyverCity by Fabtabulous22

⚠️ Warning!!⚠️ ⚠️ Contains mature content such as smut, violence, language and drug use⚠️ "Life is a cruel lottery-misfortune rains on all, while fleeting blessings tease only a few. For people like me, the darkness clings like damp rot, and any flicker of light snuffs out before it can warm the soul." "You might be different," he said, voice soft. "There's goodness in you." I laughed, a bitter edge cutting through. "After the wreckage I've left behind? No, I'm no exception. And neither are you." In a world crawling with criminals, where mobsters pull the strings and masks hide every face, beauty is just a lure for the unwary. The most breathtaking places? They're the deadliest traps. Kaleb Amato, Ridgewood High's golden quarterback, reigns with swagger and a mind sharp as a blade. A bright future gleams ahead-arrogant, untouchable. A hero? Hardly. Mia Langley, a firecracker with a tongue like a whip and a mind in splinters, storms back after two years in a brutal boot camp. Sweet? Innocent? The idea's a punchline. She's home now, but DyverCity's first rule has slipped her mind: don't let its seductive shimmer fool you. This city's a Venus flytrap-get caught in its jaws, and you're not getting out alive. Currently editing-

A L T H E A | Werewolf by LilacLuna_01

♠️ C O M P L E T E D ♠️ Enjoy x ••• My sleep was disturbed by a low mumbling. I opened my eyes and looked around. It was still dark out. I looked up to see if Evander was still awake but what I saw made me scream. Evander's blue eyes were glowing and fangs were hanging out of his mouth. He seemed to be mumbling something but I couldn't understand what he was saying. "What the fuck?!" I gasped. Any tiny ounce of sleep I once had was gone as I desperately searched for something to use as a weapon. I found a broken tree branch and lifted it up. "Evander?" I called. His eyes snapped shut and his fangs shrank as I jumped back. He opened his eyes again and looked at me in horror. "Althea?! What are you doing with that?!" He asked incredulously He must not know what his body was doing wherever he was. I ignored it. "What the fuck are you?!" ••• Althea Kastellanos runs away from her overbearing family, in hopes of experiencing a life she never had. Evander Leos just wants to chill and do the right thing. How can he? Two different walks of life meet and create something... magical. ~~~ ⚠️ DISCLAIMER ⚠️ I do not own any of the images or videos used in this book. All the characters are from my imagination. This book is fiction. This book contains mature themes. I put warnings at the beginning of every chapter before you read if any explicit content is coming. ‼️ I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO MENTION THAT THIS STORY IS STRICTLY FICTION ‼️ ‼️ EVENTS AND CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY ARE ALL FICTIONAL ‼️ ⚠️THIS IS ALSO MY WORK. ANYONE CAUGHT COPYING THIS BOOK ANYWHERE ELSE WILL FACE CONSEQUENCES UNDER THE COPYRIGHT LAWS ⚠️ ‼️‼️‼️ THIS BOOK IS MARKED 'MATURE' AND CONTAINS SENSITIVE CONTENT. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED ‼️‼️‼️ ⚠️ ALL CHARACTERS ARE OVER THE LEGAL AGE OF CONSENT IN THE UK (16+) ⚠️ ~~~ Started: 24th November 2020 Completed: 8th February 2021

Vicious Fangs (Mystic Bonds #1) | COMPLETED by SkylerChase29

❝ Let's find you a new home, shall we? ❞ •○• A cold Shifter General. A bloodthirsty Vampire Prince. A powerful Fae King. A mysterious protective werewolf Alpha. And a human girl. The question was - why were the strings of fate bringing them together? •○• 18 year old, sharp and vigilant Cara Arnel was one step away from slavery freedom and being sold. And being caught by the Shifter General of the Vampire Army was most certainly not a part of that plan. Nor was becoming a scullery maid or an assaulted slave in the Royal Palace instead of a blood bag or sex slave. But that was when things started to change. Tensions became high and fights broke out in the unstable supernatural world with the return of Lucifer's son: Killian after more than four centuries. Her visions started again. And a bit too many supernatural males were willing to protect her for no reason whatsoever. Turns out, Cara might not be as insignificant as she thought. Yet, she was undoubtedly human. And it seemed, she wasn't as well informed of her past as she thought. If her memories were the ones to be relied upon. At least.......the ones she had of this life. •○• Shortlisted for Wattpad India Awards 2021 (Please don't copy the story line. It's all mine. A figment of my imagination. Read it, surely vote and comment! Thank you for taking out your time to read it! Slowly being Edited!) BOOK 1 in the Mystic Bonds trilogy Featured: @StoriesUndiscovered for March 2022 @werewolf @WattpadVampires @fantasy @Romance @DarkFantasy Happy Ending....eventually. Like by the last book? Hehe. #1 in Fae on 23/10/20 #1 in queen on 23/11/21 #1 in Escape on 9/6/21 #1 in Angels on 13/6/21 #1 in Human on 11/8/21 #2 in Demons on 2/5/21 #2 in reverseharem on 29/8/21 #32 in New on 28/6/21 #61 in Paranormal on 23/12/20 #78 in Suspense on 26/11/21 #1 in supernatural on 29/9/22 #87 in werewolf on 23/8/21

The Vampire Prince ✓ by brownboiiii

Book 1 of the supernatural world series "Hey! Get down you may slip and die!!" . . "Don't worry about me I'm already dead!" _____ An ancient vampire and a high class businessman , both dominant and neither likes to submit nor being disrespected. Both followed by demons from their past, alike yet so different so why the fate brought them close? Find how a centuries year old vampire , depraved of love for eons and given up on the concept of love finds himself falling for the tall and handsome CEO on sight who himself struggles with problems of his own He wasn't expecting this or was he? One doesn't know how to love , One has been unlucky in love. So how does the 'straight' CEO finds it when a boy, a ruthless and cold vampire prince catches his eye and in a not so very straight way. One who knows nothing about boy love whereas the other, well he only knows one thing, that is killing and his crave for blood. Seems chaotic and it is. And if you add a soulmate bond , a psycho ex , crazy friends and whole lot of magic for fun. Well things get interesting. With crazy turn of events , sex and love, find out how a nightmarish creature finds himself cradled in the arms of a human. Highest rankings yet : #1 - Vampirewerewolf #1 - manxman #1 - bdsm #2 - mates #2 - supernatural #3 - soulmates #6 - gayfiction #8 - gayaf #7 - vampiresfanfiction #9- boyfriends #7 - Wattpride #47 - lgbt Word count ~ 222,000+ words Date of Completion ~ July 13th 2021

You may also like

Slide 1 of 10

So I Might Be a Vampire - Book 1 (Original Version) cover

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒔𝒆 ✔️ |18+ cover

The Broken Raven - A Paradox Of Two Worlds Series Book 1 cover

Heart of Stone (Parts I & II) cover

Wrong Place, Wrong Time ✔️ cover

Bikes & Blood cover

DyverCity cover

A L T H E A | Werewolf cover

Vicious Fangs (Mystic Bonds #1) | COMPLETED cover

The Vampire Prince ✓ cover

So I Might Be a Vampire - Book 1 (Original Version)

Bob has got to be the worst vampire in the world. Without a guide to learn how to be a good vampire, he's making it up as he goes along... while holding down a day job. [Previously Featured #2 Vampire ] ***** Everything I'm about to tell you is a lie. Well, except the parts that actually happened, but I'm supposed to let you guess which those are. The parts about me being a vampire, working at a porn shop, and being completely clueless about vampires, those are completely true. Oh, the parts about Claude, my best friend for life, being a gentleman thief? All true. This is NOT a misguided and sordid tell-all about being a modern-day vampire. (wink wink) My vampire club for accidental vampires, Friends of Vlad does not exist. Neither do vampires like the terrifying and beautiful Beatrice. There is no big bad vampire boss named Harry pushing vampires into the 21st Century. Also nope about the vampire club in the heart of Toronto and a big nope on Madame Vera's House of the Not-so-dead. I'm just an ordinary guy who became a vampire. Nothing unusual about that. Nothing at all... [BOOK ONE of CHASING THE SUN SERIES] REVIEWS: @DavidJThirteen Humour has to be one of the toughest genres to get right. This book really pulls it off. Thank you for an enjoyable, entertaining read! @SharylFriend This was awesome beyond mere words!!! Should be a BESTSELLER! @Signed_Sealed_96 This has been by far the best and funniest book I've read. I love this and I can't wait to tell my friends about this b'%&hing vampire story I read nonstop.