How Not to Vampire - Season 1
  • Reads 30,766
  • Votes 3,049
  • Parts 27
  • Time 5h 18m
  • Reads 30,766
  • Votes 3,049
  • Parts 27
  • Time 5h 18m
Complete, First published Apr 20, 2020
Mature
Vampiring is HARD.

Things Bob has on his checklist when he accidentally becomes a vampire: a) forget everything he knows about vampires b) Google vampire survival tactics c) don't get brutally murdered by vampires.

Apparently there are vampire LAWS, and Bob, a young, romantically-challenged black man living in Toronto, never got the guidebook. Even though it's not his fault that he's broken every rule, a secret vampire society is hellbent on giving him a more permanent death. With the help of his best pal, Claude, Bob tries to stay alive and hopefully turn around his screwed-up existence in the process.

This is a FREE story with Paid Exclusive Chapters.
Wattys 2022 Shortlist
Wattpad Stormy Nights - Winner

20 CHAPTERS only on Wattpad
[[word count: 50,000-75,000 words]]

EXCERPT:
******
"Look: vampires are traditionally afraid of religious symbols. It's a well-known fact. If you're any kind of vampire, you should be outta here by now, not just sitting there drinking your coffee."

"I'm not actually drinking it yet. Some idiot keeps interrupting me by shoving religious symbols in my face."

Claude held up an ornate brass cross with a macabre Jesus Christ in the throes of death, designed to repel any nearby vampires.

"Oh look," I said dryly, "the idiot's back."

******

Edited by Debra Goelz
Cover model: Ariel Pacheco
Cover Photo by: Theik Smith
Cover designed by: Rodney V. Smith

Want more? JOIN THE DISCORD SERVER: https://discord.gg/brxdsA9

Jaime's Infinite Playlist (spotify) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DfPirPYtLKwEeSQ1upKZY?si=NhEhkcsIQOOpb7kKXIXWNw
Book Playlist: https://music.apple.com/ca/playlist/jaimes-infinite-playlist/pl.u-JPVJCEXxXYv
All Rights Reserved
This story contains Extras.Learn more.
Sign up to add How Not to Vampire - Season 1 to your library and receive updates
or
Content Guidelines
You may also like
The Satan's Eve (Completed)✔ NOT EDITED by Sheewrites_4fun
51 parts Complete Mature
HIGHEST RANKING-1st in wedding! {23/05/18} & 1st in Laugh! {11/08/18} 13th in Romance! {03/12/18} Sequel to Mr Hulk's Jelly Bunny->Can be read as a stand alone book. Evelina/Velina Storm is a 22 year old half human-half vampire girl who works as a Manager at a restaurant despite the fact that her family is wealthy. You can say that she is the good type of girl but once you hit a bad nerve then well...goodluck. One thing she always keeps in mind is to never show her weaknesses no matter how the situation is. Adam Vernom is a 28 year old Vampire who is also a Ceo of the Vernom Company Ltd. He is the type of guy who you never want to mess with. Of all the things he hates, there is only one which he despises the most which is mates. Adam does not believe in mates, he thinks that they only exist just to destroy lives. What will happen when these two meet? What will happen when Adam know that Velina is his mate? Will Velina resist his seducing ability? Will Adam hate her? After all she is his mate... -------- He yanked me closer to him till our breaths became one and our tips of our noses touched. My eyes bulged like freaking saucers and were staring at his hot ones. "Satan huh? Then Let me show you how he is like." In one swift movement he crashed his plum lips onto mine. I wanted to push him away but could not. I felt my knees buckled and my stomach churned. There was a strange sensation which was restraining me from pushing him away. He plunged his moist tongue inside my mouth exploring every inch of it. My heart was racing and my breaths were hot. I could not help but move in sync with his pace. It was as if it was a magnet pulling me more and more to him. ------- P.s : Please do not copy or take my ideas as they are purely original and my imaginations. Thank you. ♡Also! If you enjoyed this story don't hesitate to share it with your friends! ;)
BLOOD MOON: The Lycan Alpha's Little Witch  by Cherrypeter004
72 parts Complete
***Excerpt, Mature contents*** "Why did you have to make me suffer?" I paused, "Do you hate me that much?" "Isabelle," Dimitri hisses with such venom in his voice. "You might want to watch your words carefully." "Don't worry, I'll free you from this burden." I spat. "Enough!" Dimitri growls "I'm going to reject you." "Enough!" He roars, making me stop talking. He grabs my arms, corners me against the wall. My heart is beating rapidly. I see fire in his eyes as he lock me with his body. "Fuck this! I'm done running from what's has already been decided by fate." With that said, he captures my lips in a fierce kiss. Isabella Rosa Santacruz, a witch on the run, she has a dark past and a even darker destiny but worst of all she has been chased her entire life by things that want her dead. When a prophecy is etched in stone that her blood holds the keys to the universe every monster and myth known and unknown on the planet wants to have her for their own personal desires. But her fate soon changes when she stumbles across the powerful lycan Alpha, her mate. And he is Dimitri Axel Castellan, the most ruthless and feared lycan Alpha famously known as the Blood Alpha. He is also the Alpha of the Blood moon pack, a pack cursed by a witch's dying breath to cease to be of existence on the eleventh blood moon. What would happen when fate pins in his path the one he hoped he would never find? She is the air that he can't give up, even if it would cost him everything he has, including his life. Will they fall in love? Or will they be able to save themselves from their impending chaos. BOOK ONE OF THE BLOOD MOON SERIES: COMPLETED~ #1 in werewolf #1 in vampire #1 in witch #1 in prophecy #1 in curse #1 in pack #1 in Alpha #1 in watty2024
The King Of All Vampire Kings (Book 1) ✔️ by S0NDREENJ
107 parts Complete Mature
Book 1 of (The Awakening Series) {#1 Supernatural} {#1 Paranormal} {#1 Lycans} {#1 Vampire Romance} {#5 Royalty} The world went to shit long before I was born. Humans like me use to believe other species were nothing more than fictional characters, myths, or figures of one's imagination. But that was before vampires left the shadows and decided to reveal their species to the world. I've been told that teenage girls use to fantasize about being swooshed off their feet by those mysterious creatures. Insane. Matter of fact, insane would be an understatement, they were fucking lunatics. Vampires are not some fictional character that would love you like no other. No, vampires are not some sort of myth, and they most certainly are not, a figment of anyone's imagination. They are very real, and they despise the human race. In fact, they have enslaved my entire species and formed a new world. Each continent is owned by a ruthless, bloodsucking, barbaric, the vampire king. Every single one of them has played a part in the war of the awakening, showing no mercy, killing without question. Humans didn't even stand a chance. Our army and world leaders were killed or imprisoned in less than a couple of days. They slaughtered my race, but it didn't stop there. No, that was only the beginning of human suffering. Trust me when I say the death was truly a kindness, because anyone who survived the awakening, would beg for death. I was positive that my suffering would come to an end when I turned eighteen. I was hoping and praying to be marked as a feeder, nothing more, nothing less. Death was the only way out of this world. You see, all of the kings who ruled over the earth were cruel and calculating. They are all tyrants in their own right and they all answered to one vampire. Who was known as the most barbaric of them all and I was marked as his chosen. The King of all Vampire Kings. Cover Created By:Autumn Sewell (Currently Being Edited by: Iryshlily
Born Phlebotomist [Complete✔] by PiscesPleasure
53 parts Complete Mature
["OK we're gonna take a pint of blood from you. Like a perfume company we make samples of your blood for our feeders to try. If they like the taste, then you draw up a contract for you, deary. You can do it in increments of 3 months,6 months,9 months, and 1 year.~ We only allow our elite vamps of society to accept contracts. After all you guys are doing us a wonderful service." She smiles sweetly.] In New York City now run by vampires what would you do to survive? Would you sign your body over for paid feedings to the very supernatural beings that took over the country and flipped human's lives upside down? That very dilemma is served on a golden platter to Winter. A struggling 22 year old just trying to make ends meet for her little patchwork family, consisting of her best friend Lavender, and her dying mother. All 3 first hand victims of the vampires' violent, blood thirsty rise to power. Scarred by the blood lusting creatures that now run the town, will Winter ever be able to trust them or will she give her dying breath to rid her life of them? Will she succumb to the sweet allure of forbidden love or will she fight tooth and nail to stay loyal to her slaughtered father's memory? Ride along this roller coaster full of twist and turns as this supernatural romantic drama unfolds. Keep all hearts off your sleeves, Caution sharp fangs ahead! #1 Black Vampires 2/2021 #1 Voodoo of 2.62k stories 4/2022 & 1/2023 #1BWAM of 2.12k stories 3/15/21 #2 Vampire Romance of 6.69k stories 4/6/21 #4 Siren of 5.39k storiess 5/14/21 #97 Urban Fiction of 14.2k stories 1/2023 #9 BWBM of 1.38k stories 1/2023 #1 Urban Fiction of 7.37k stories 1/2023 #13 Urban Fantasy of 7.42k stories 1/2023
Vicious Fangs (Mystic Bonds #1) | COMPLETED by SkylerChase29
56 parts Complete
❝ Let's find you a new home, shall we? ❞ •○• A cold Shifter General. A bloodthirsty Vampire Prince. A powerful Fae King. A mysterious protective werewolf Alpha. And a human girl. The question was - why were the strings of fate bringing them together? •○• 18 year old, sharp and vigilant Cara Arnel was one step away from slavery freedom and being sold. And being caught by the Shifter General of the Vampire Army was most certainly not a part of that plan. Nor was becoming a scullery maid or an assaulted slave in the Royal Palace instead of a blood bag or sex slave. But that was when things started to change. Tensions became high and fights broke out in the unstable supernatural world with the return of Lucifer's son: Killian after more than four centuries. Her visions started again. And a bit too many supernatural males were willing to protect her for no reason whatsoever. Turns out, Cara might not be as insignificant as she thought. Yet, she was undoubtedly human. And it seemed, she wasn't as well informed of her past as she thought. If her memories were the ones to be relied upon. At least.......the ones she had of this life. •○• Shortlisted for Wattpad India Awards 2021 (Please don't copy the story line. It's all mine. A figment of my imagination. Read it, surely vote and comment! Thank you for taking out your time to read it! Slowly being Edited!) BOOK 1 in the Mystic Bonds trilogy Featured: @StoriesUndiscovered for March 2022 @werewolf @WattpadVampires @fantasy @Romance @DarkFantasy Happy Ending....eventually. Like by the last book? Hehe. #1 in Fae on 23/10/20 #1 in queen on 23/11/21 #1 in Escape on 9/6/21 #1 in Angels on 13/6/21 #1 in Human on 11/8/21 #2 in Demons on 2/5/21 #2 in reverseharem on 29/8/21 #32 in New on 28/6/21 #61 in Paranormal on 23/12/20 #78 in Suspense on 26/11/21 #1 in supernatural on 29/9/22 #87 in werewolf on 23/8/21
Contraindication by literaturelexi
39 parts Complete
[WATTYS 2022 SHORTLIST] "Hello again, Pizza Boy?" I glanced up at him with a smile. The blood was rushing out my head but it didn't bother me. "Are you back to make another attempt on my life?" "Shut up," he fumbled, absolutely petrified. "I-I hate you!" I laughed as we were both red in the face; one more sticky then the other, "Aww, I hate you too." My hands held my non-beating chest. "It's mutual trust me. But I guess you really want your Xbox back huh?" -- 17 year-old Evelyn Gates has a quiet yet witty personality. She usually stays in the background and is mediocre at literally everything... just ask anyone. She enjoys the smell of pizza and watching Guy Fieri stuff his face with food in her free time. Oh, and there's one more thing... she's immortal. That's right, Evelyn can't die, and she doesn't know why. Her body just magically puts itself back together again after tragic incidents. She calls it a curse, but the one other person who knows about it calls it a miracle. It's not until her pizza order turns deadly and her mom's boyfriend changes his outlook on life, when Evelyn finds out that there might be some more people involved with her immortality; people who are puppeteering her life and will stop at nothing but to destroy her. - Featured on: @TeenFiction 'FunnyBones' reading list: October 6th, 2021 @StoriesUndiscovered 'The Power of Laughter' reading list: June 1st -30th, 2021 -- Since mock websites are becoming more common, unfortunately, I have to give the disclaimer that this story is only being published on Wattpad. If you see it anywhere else let me know so I can warn my followers and also be aware that it could make your device vulnerable to malware. --- Started: August 18th 2020 Completed: April 12th 2021
Heart of Stone (Parts I & II) by Joflower
127 parts Complete
[COMPLETE] Some bonds can't be broken, even in death. -- He couldn't endure another heartbreak. "Accepting her would be a mistake," he said. "She's a human. I can't afford to have her blood on my hands." Gwen looked away, and he knew she saw the image that flashed in his mind. The slaughter. Bodies everywhere. The putrid stench of decay and metallic blood seeping through his fingers and staining the earth under his feet. The small, lifeless body in his hands whose death he couldn't prevent. And whose death he could never forget. "It won't be like that with her," she murmured to the floor. "I won't take that chance." Heavy with sorrow, her brown eyes looked up into his. "Not everyone is given a second chance. Take it." -- Soulmates only come along once in a lifetime. Or so everyone thought. She was his second chance. But her heart loved another. Fate would bring them together, and Fate would tear them apart. -- **A slow-burning, sensual love story with a splash of humor, a dash of action, and a lot of heart.** Rated PG-13 for adult content (coarse language, violence, and non-explicit sex) [There is a separate R-rated scenes book for those who want steamier scenes] CONTAINS: alpha lycan x human mates, strong female lead, second chance mates, reincarnation (tabula rasa), love-triangles, vampires, action, drama, humor, relatable characters, high stakes, passionate romances VOID OF: "insta-love," extremely possessive, aggressive, abusive alpha mates, Stockholm Syndrome *OVERALL WINNER of 2017 Flower's Awards*
Bikes & Blood by charlizekkelly
32 parts Complete Mature
[The Wattys 2022 Shortlisted] "There's nothing to be afraid of in Santa Carla." "Nothing to be afraid of? Oh sweetheart. There's always something to be afraid of after dark." *** Santa Carla seems like the perfect place to start fresh and, after the messy divorce between Amara's parents. The blinding lights of the boardwalk seem to be the perfect place to get lost within- -the thrill of the night seeping into anyone brave enough to stay out past sundown. The screams and shouts of the boardwalk draw people in like that of a sirens call; pulling you into the heart of Santa Carla without an inkling of regret. The music, the food and the lights bring you back time and time again- -making it almost impossible to walk away without a backwards glance. For, the lost always find there way to Santa Carla- -The Murder Capital of the World. But, what happens when Amara is sucked into the mysterious and equally thrilling world of bikers, vampires and vampire hunters? *** The Lost Boys x OC (dark romance) Highest Rankings: #1 in thelostboys1987 #1 in david #1 in dwayne #1 in thelostboys #1 in tlb #1 in lucyemerson #1 in santacarla #1 in 80smovies #1 in polyamory #2 in michaelemerson #2 in 1987 #2 in emerson #2 in samemerson #4 in marko #6 in paul trigger warnings: blood, gore, violence, supernatural themes, sexual themes, alcohol/drug use, death, smoking and swearing started: 1st of December 2021 completed: 1st of June 2022 unedited
You may also like
Slide 1 of 10
The Satan's Eve (Completed)✔ NOT EDITED cover
BLOOD MOON: The Lycan Alpha's Little Witch  cover
The King Of All Vampire Kings (Book 1) ✔️ cover
Born Phlebotomist [Complete✔] cover
My Wattpad Story cover
Vicious Fangs (Mystic Bonds #1) | COMPLETED cover
Contraindication cover
Heart of Stone (Parts I & II) cover
Don't run from me (Book 3) cover
Bikes & Blood cover

The Satan's Eve (Completed)✔ NOT EDITED

51 parts Complete Mature

HIGHEST RANKING-1st in wedding! {23/05/18} & 1st in Laugh! {11/08/18} 13th in Romance! {03/12/18} Sequel to Mr Hulk's Jelly Bunny->Can be read as a stand alone book. Evelina/Velina Storm is a 22 year old half human-half vampire girl who works as a Manager at a restaurant despite the fact that her family is wealthy. You can say that she is the good type of girl but once you hit a bad nerve then well...goodluck. One thing she always keeps in mind is to never show her weaknesses no matter how the situation is. Adam Vernom is a 28 year old Vampire who is also a Ceo of the Vernom Company Ltd. He is the type of guy who you never want to mess with. Of all the things he hates, there is only one which he despises the most which is mates. Adam does not believe in mates, he thinks that they only exist just to destroy lives. What will happen when these two meet? What will happen when Adam know that Velina is his mate? Will Velina resist his seducing ability? Will Adam hate her? After all she is his mate... -------- He yanked me closer to him till our breaths became one and our tips of our noses touched. My eyes bulged like freaking saucers and were staring at his hot ones. "Satan huh? Then Let me show you how he is like." In one swift movement he crashed his plum lips onto mine. I wanted to push him away but could not. I felt my knees buckled and my stomach churned. There was a strange sensation which was restraining me from pushing him away. He plunged his moist tongue inside my mouth exploring every inch of it. My heart was racing and my breaths were hot. I could not help but move in sync with his pace. It was as if it was a magnet pulling me more and more to him. ------- P.s : Please do not copy or take my ideas as they are purely original and my imaginations. Thank you. ♡Also! If you enjoyed this story don't hesitate to share it with your friends! ;)