Wannabe Rogue

This is the story of a wannabe rogue named Red. A thirteen year old male, Who finds himself trapped in a rpg , where he earns the name Portal,
for his quick wit, stealth, and speed.

One day Gray bored of life, turned on his PC and logged onto his favorite rpg, T.W.O.F. while playing he got an email from the dev's of T.W.O.F asking him for help, followed by a link that brought him to
a strange website. Skepticle he clicked it, and was greated by an advanced character creator, excited he made his dream character. It was now three in the morning but it was done, so he clicked the button saying,
"finish and name character" and thinking nothing of it typed in his username and made a 4-digit password. little did he know that his 4-digit password would decide how much coin he would start off with.
His password being "2006" he clicked enter, and was was brought to a blank screen. Being paranoid because of the lack of sleep he freaked out thinking he just downloaded a virus, and quickly shut off his PC and immediately fell asleep. and now whenever he turns off his PC he will awake in T.W.O.F, The World Of Fantasy.

Oh and a few tother things: Im not to good at grammer, and none of the photos used in this story are mine I got them offline, and the grammer in this isn't as good in the description as the story cause it's kinda rushed.

Btw this story is based of a few of my favorite animes. Is it wrong to pick up girls in a dungen, and, Sao. You should check them out, and despite the name of the first one, its not what you think it is.
Oh and before i forget if you like my book plz vote, and feel free to tell me what you think. And if you have any advice on how I can make my story better please tell me, i need all the help I can get
and please no mean comments, but constructive criticism is welcomed. Oh and feel free to make your own version of this book, just make sure to credit me
please and thank you (^-^)