Sinning like a saint // BJA
  • Reads 28,401
  • Votes 1,006
  • Parts 40
  • Time 7h 2m
  • Reads 28,401
  • Votes 1,006
  • Parts 40
  • Time 7h 2m
Complete, First published May 04, 2020
"You've been weird with me for days now!" I shouted, "Why? Billie what happened between us? You won't even look at me any more, do i mean nothing to you or something?"

"-No! It's not like that-"

"-I've known you my whole life and now you act like you don't know me. Do you care about me?"

"Of course I do-"

 "-then why are you staring at your converse right now?" 

He looked up at me finally, his eyes meeting mine. "Because looking at you makes me nervous recently," he sighed lightly.

"Why?" 

"I don't know. It's not that you don't mean anything to me because- by God phee you do. You're my BestFriend and I've always been myself around you but now I get all nervous and my stomatch starts feeling weird and-" he cut himself off as he stopped talking mid way through sentence.

"And?"

"I don't know. One moment I can't take my eyes off you then the next I'm scared to let them lay onto you,"

"Why? Billie it hurts when you don't look at me, why do you dodge my eyes when they try to meet yours?"

He breathed in lightly. He looked back down but made sure to quickly look back at me. 

"It isn't that I won't look at you cause you don't mean any thing to me, I don't look at you sometimes because the impact your gaze gives me now, scares me. You make me feel all tingly and gooey. And it scares me."

"Why does that scare you?"

"Cause I've never felt this way before, i don't even know what it means," his eyes looked back down at the floor. And instead of getting angry about it i let them. Because I understood why they were scared to look at me. I make him feel new feelings he's never even knew exsisted, and he doesn't like it. he doesn't even know what those feelings are.

And call me crazy, but maybe he loved me too, not in the friendly way. Maybe he loved me but he didn't realise.

He looked back up to me, he gave me a half hearted smile before he spoke up again. "Seeing you use to be so easy, but now you breathe and i turn to stone."
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What a tragedy // Billie Joe Armstrong

35 parts Complete

"I write best when I'm falling in love, or falling apart." He muttered to himself, his gaze was on the guitar he had gently settled into his lap as he traced over the initials 'BJ' on it with his index finger. "Which one is it right now?" I asked nervously. He looked up at me with his green eyes only for a split second, soon looking back down. Like he feared I would see the pain painted behind his jade green orbs. But if he already knew I had already saw it. "Both." He said, finally looking up at me. That's when I noticed the pool of tears for everything that he had left unspoken, with one blink they would be running down his cheeks. And I hope he didn't let them, because I couldn't see him cry. "I love you, and it's killing me." I bit my lip painfully trying to stop myself from crying. He was the right one, my heart told me when my eyes first landed on him. But he wasn't mine, and that tore me up. Because I craved him to be. I sighed, "you're breaking my heart billie." I whispered, watching the tears roll down his dull face. "I love you. And loving you feels like some sort of self destruction when I'm not suppose to but my god armstrong I love you." I sobbed. It seems to be that love could be labelled poison and we would drink it anyways. I looked at him, the sadness in his eyes felt like it was tearing me up from the inside starting with the heart. But I felt guilty to look away. "But you know we shouldn't." I said Painfully, he nodded biting his lip. "We should only be friends." "But friends don't look at each other the way we do." And I needed him, he was my life line. And he told me he needed me, he said I was his sanity. But although it felt we lived worlds against each other, one thing we both knew was. 'I'm fine.' Sounds the same. Even when it's not true ----------------- She loved him more than he would ever know. And he loved her more than he would ever show. What a tragedy. (Little spoiler, but it does end happily I promise.)