The Mind's Electric

Hello! This is just a quick short-story based on a song I've heard over the past few weeks! It's based on Miracle Musical's "The Mind Electric." I need this reviewed by anybody, so leaving a suggestion in the comments would mean a lot! Anyways, enjoy!

DISCLAIMER:
I do not own or claim ownership of the song "The Mind Electric" by Joe Hawley's"Miracle Musical, Hawaii PT. 2." Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing.