In Between Two Lights

In Between Two Lights

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WpMetadataReadOngoing<5 mins
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Fri, May 8, 2020
I grew up choosing between two things - weighing which will give me more benefit and which will give comfort. I'm used on throwing things. I've memorized the feeling of pushing away people that won't do me good. The older me, the mature one, wants those old things back. I am trying so hard, but just like what other people say, "habits die hard." I found myself choosing between two things - the choice I'll make 2 years ago or the choice I'll make now.
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HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE SECOND CHOICE IN A PERSON'S LIFE? I was always the 2nd choice in everyone's life. People always left me for someone, someone who was a bigger jerk than me. I couldn't understand why they left me for assholes such as those bastards. This always happened in my dream. Every single time people left me to be with a toxic guy when I was the better choice. In my dreams, those people who left me were, sometimes a girl and sometimes a guy. Nevertheless I was always abandoned in my dreams while the guy who takes them away glares at me with a smug smile on his face as if screaming "I won." Why was I always the second choice in their lives? I don't understand. What am I lacking? "YOU ARE TOO KIND!" "YOU NEED TO BE ASSERTIVE AND ROUGH ON BED TO WIN." "PEOPLE THESE DAYS LIKE TO BE CONTROLLED AND LEAD ON!!" "YOU NEED TO BE A BIT MORE TOXIC, MANIPULATIVE AND DEMANDING!" "BADBOYS ARE A TREND THESE DAYS!" "JUST BE A BIT MORE OF AN ASSHOLE OR ELSE YOU WILL NOT WIN! YOU HEAR ME?!?" SAID A CERTAIN ANNOYING BUG! "......." WTF! I QUIT!!!

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