The Purple Dragon
  • Reads 104
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  • Parts 16
  • Time 1h 35m
  • Reads 104
  • Votes 0
  • Parts 16
  • Time 1h 35m
Ongoing, First published Aug 30, 2014
What happens when you've got a burning desire to serve God on one side, and on the other a rooted addiction holding you back? No one knows about the addiction, after all, and the only thing between you and taking off on that two-year Mormon missionary service are some paperwork and some interviews with the local church leadership--that and a few little white lies, right? Well, maybe not lies . . . not really. You figure that if you can just hold off on lifting those books from the gas station display spindle, or the magazines from work, or that second edition The Hobbit from your friend's place . . . . If you can just hold off until the interviews, and then a little bit longer until it's time to leave for the Missionary Training Center, well, then, shoot! It's all downhill from there, right? And no one needs to know! 

Eugene Cross, accidental victim of a special breed of self-justifying kleptomania, learns the hard way that this is not how it works. Righteous desires? Check. Good and supportive friends and church leaders? Check. The required courage to face down the addiction and effect a complete repentance? Hmm. Not so much. Not yet.
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My life has been an intense journey from a little girl who was beaten down and abused into believing that she was worthless, to a woman at 43 years of age who is still desperately searching for who she truly is. I found her though. I did. And she writes like me, from inside of me. She is me. This girl that I've been in love with since time first existed, is indeed me. The way that she walks. With her hands... and how she talks? The hearts that she's captured, the souls that she has inspired. I'm now trying to be her. I've never felt that I was good enough to actually be myself!!! I always knew how pure and clear and free I was inside. But people told me otherwise, in a very cruel way. No one ever spared my feelings or thought to speak to me with kindness or love. My parents were very serious and strict people. They believed that there was only 1 way to act and inside I knew that I did NOT fit in the parameters of the behavior expected of me. And every single time I made my Step Daddy sigh or frown it felt like I knife in my heart. I was a let down. Always too loud. Always moving too much. Always too fat and always too ugly. Always too much. Unless I sat quietly. But I've always been a firecracker and all of that containment really made me want to blow off! All of what was inside of me, swirling and dividing in me. Burying the side of me that I loved the most! I was a bastard and a blasphemy. Harsh words for a girl of 3. They said them when they baptized me.
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This is my truth

72 parts Ongoing

My life has been an intense journey from a little girl who was beaten down and abused into believing that she was worthless, to a woman at 43 years of age who is still desperately searching for who she truly is. I found her though. I did. And she writes like me, from inside of me. She is me. This girl that I've been in love with since time first existed, is indeed me. The way that she walks. With her hands... and how she talks? The hearts that she's captured, the souls that she has inspired. I'm now trying to be her. I've never felt that I was good enough to actually be myself!!! I always knew how pure and clear and free I was inside. But people told me otherwise, in a very cruel way. No one ever spared my feelings or thought to speak to me with kindness or love. My parents were very serious and strict people. They believed that there was only 1 way to act and inside I knew that I did NOT fit in the parameters of the behavior expected of me. And every single time I made my Step Daddy sigh or frown it felt like I knife in my heart. I was a let down. Always too loud. Always moving too much. Always too fat and always too ugly. Always too much. Unless I sat quietly. But I've always been a firecracker and all of that containment really made me want to blow off! All of what was inside of me, swirling and dividing in me. Burying the side of me that I loved the most! I was a bastard and a blasphemy. Harsh words for a girl of 3. They said them when they baptized me.