I'm not gay
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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing27m
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Mon, Nov 30, 2020
Parker James was straight. No doubt about it. He's had tons of girlfriends , a ton of friends, ok grades , and he was on the swim team. Parker always THOUGHT he was straight, or more forced himself to believe that he was. He always had a feeling in his heart that told him he wasn't but he pushed away, like three galaxies away. He would look at a guy occasionally and think " he's got a nice build....he'd be good for swim team". But deep , deep, DEEP down he knew it was more than that . No guy had ever approached him before well there was one guy but that was a long time ago. There were a few lesbian couples ,and by a few he meant two, at the school but no gay person. That is until Oliver comes. Oliver Simons is definitely gay. He's known since he was eight and kissed a boy on the play ground. When he comes to school everyone is intrigued. It's been so long since a new student came to school. Lots of girls mostly introduce them selves to him but he tells them he's gay . Then they all want to be his friend. But the only person who he's sees is Parker. You see Oli has color synesthesia. Which ,for him , means he sees people's auras , like a glow of color around people. He also hears music with color Association to certain sounds and words . Like if he herd a trumpet toot he might think it sounds blue . So when he sees Parker's black aura he investigates . Because black means empty , depressed and alone to him , and this kid had so many friends he was talking to how could he feel alone or depressed. He was always laughing how could he be empty... I guess you'll have to find out!
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"I see the world and it seems like I see it so differently than most other people. It makes me really angry most of the time. Especially since no one ever listens to me or what I've got to say. I try to express myself in so many different ways and no one sees it. When I sing a song people will only care about how the music sounds or how much I swore. If I paint, people will see the picture but not the meaning. It seems so obvious to me but everyone just seems to... close their eyes. Or at least shut off their brain. As if I see things they don't. But when they don't listen, how can I communicate that to them? It's so frustrating." Allie is a high school student and has big plans to make the world a better place. But her own head is pitting against her, throwing rocks in her path on a daily basis. Everything seems to be great for a while but what happens when her world suddenly comes crashing down around her? Can she ever recover? A coming-of-age story that deals with mental ilnesses, grief, first loves and family, briefly taps into the subject of religion and will likely enrapture you. Trigger warning: mental illnesses, self harm, death, dealing with grief, mentions of guns and gun control, mentions of cults, mentions of homophobia, dissociation. Names of bands, band members and song titles have been changed but at this point I want to credit mainly Palaye Royale, the band 'Homesick Soldiers' that is mentioned throughout is heavily based off them, but I'm sure if you're familiar with them you would have been able to tell that :)

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