Fibs

Ever wonder what someone may be holding in?

I do.

"It doesn't have to be this way. " He said as I zipped the suitcase shut.

"I can't do this anymore. " I said the same words I've been screaming over and over inside of my head. It felt so good to finally say them out loud.

"I can change. I am changing. You're just not trying hard enough!" He yelled even though I hadn't raised my voice.

"We never worked good together." I looked up as I pulled on the green sweater over my clothes. The same sweater his mom got me that she hated. As I was allowed that quick second of darkness, my said all the words I wouldn't waste my breath on.

I feel like I'm drowning when I'm with you. Like I'm chained and I don't want to live. Like my dreams are gone because they are. I haven't believed in myself since.....you met me. You bring out the worst in me. I want to fly. To dream. To live. But I can't do that when I'm with you. I have been trying since the very first day. I have changed so much. It's you who's still the same.

"Don't go. Who's going to be there for me after? You'll regret this as soon as you walk out that door." He started and just like that, I felt my throat tighten and my chest cluster. I could hardly breathe as I grabbed the suitcase and left. He knew how to make me feel weak.

I was tarnished goods and he knew it. I could leave ten more times but just like every other time I left, he knew I would come back. He knew I loved him and that I had stayed too long to have not been influenced by him. His words hurt me but they were all I knew.

This time, I wanted to leave and not come back. I wanted to be out of his control. I wanted to be free.

As I walked down the pavement to the bus already pulling up, I wiped away the few rebellious tears that were racing each other down my cheek. I held out the ticket hoping it was to a place far enough away.

Why can't I just let him go?

All the lies, all the hate, haven't I just about had enough?

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MATURE CONTENT (later)