Nobody told me this S#*$ ! (and other comical musings) - Jonathan Phoinex - Wattpad

Nobody told me this S#*$ ! (and other comical musings)

JonathanPhoinex79

Reads 159
Votes 21
Parts 14
Time 44m

Reads 159
Votes 21
Parts 14
Time 44m

JonathanPhoinex79

Mature

batmanonice carlin celebrity comedy funny george humor jokes nonfiction parenting politcal satire stand-up

"Its not my cup of tea, its definitely humor. Crude humor. But still humor." - Coffee After Dark Awards Judges
                                                                             ************
 These are the confused musing that rattle around in my brain as I ride the mechanical rocket-ship outside the grocery store.  These are discussions about you, and me and that guy at work who keeps hitting on you but you keep telling him your not into hunchbacks.  I submit these musing to help you think about the world around us and how we tolerate it.  I discuss important things like Celebrity Sex Tapes and Donald Trump because it's really low hanging fruit.  Take your time, pull up a chair, and enjoy having your mind blown, by the fact I survived this long.All Rights Reserved

batmanonice carlin celebrity comedy funny george humor jokes nonfiction parenting politcal satire stand-up

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14 parts

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Keeping Up With the Sammy by SamanthaMichelle0

Hello! My name is Sam and, surprise, I write! Instead of throwing another common Wattpad teen romance your way, I decided to use this commonly used website as a journal for everyone to judge me! So if you want to read about my weird crazy life or just wanna dive into something a bit relaxing to take away the stresses of your day, I welcome you here to my little corner. Snuggle up and enjoy 💜 And as always, Stay Lovely ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 09/24 Hey, it's me Sam again, but four years later from what you just read this thing is essentially a blog, let's be honest, but hey, maybe if you're into that we can have a laugh together. And if you're about to swipe out this because this isn't very Wattpad aesthetic, I understand, I hope you have a great day, and again, Stay Lovely

I DON'T KNOW by ImagesMayInspire

This is my blog. Containing all rants, thoughts, and opinions about this crazy Mofo we call earth. All of these may or may not target certain things, but are not MEANT to offend any readers. As it is used purely for humor and comedy, so if any of you decide to go to the comments and whine about it I will just laugh at your stupidity. So as a last note before you delve into the hilarious (and strange) thoughts and experiences of well, Me, Most things in these words are mine. And feel free to use them whenever you like. ~C

Awesome Short Stories by VirginiaDude757

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I won't be impressed by technology until I can download food by hjerterdame

Hello there fellow humans. Get ready to listen to my story. If you can... Understand my humor... Then... You will love this... "Batman out" *Hits a wall* "To be or not to be" "Wait, wrong answer" Highest ranking: 2 in humor. Wait... 2 as in 2! Wow! This is my life folks. No I'm not kidding. It's all for real! Now I must get back to my Toothless plush named Batman!

The Day I Turned Into a Cat (Completed) by Living_Life_Forever

Have you ever wished to spend your days sitting in the sun? Not having to care about anyone or anything? Never having to worry about make-up, boys, clothes, money, or family? Well then I, Rachel Robby, can relate. I fact, I wished the very same thing upon a shooting star. Well, I thought it was a shooting star, but it could have been an airplane. Or maybe, if you believe in aliens, you would have thought of it to be a UFO. Anyways, my wish came true. So here I am, stuck in my cat Dexter's body, when I'm actually supposed to be sipping on a margarita on a white sandy beach in Maui for my yearly vacation. Either way, I still get relax and I'm even starting to enjoy my life. That is, until I find out that I'm not the only person-gone-animal. So for now, I'm trying to find a way to get not only myself, but also my new companion, back into human form before the cat drags in something even worse.

The Book of Rants, Cliches, and More by ayden3937

It's like a bunch of Public Service Announcements, from me to you. Bear with me and buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy ride. Completed Sept. 14, 2019. ** I wrote this when I was younger, so sorry about that.

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In the near future, Mr. Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States of America, and there have been some radical changes. Some for the better, and some for the worse. Some are just plain weird. Most notably, however, a giant wall exists at the border of Mexico and the U.S. to stop illegal immigration in Trump's ideology. That's all great, but when Ramon Juarez, a Mexican-American man who immigrated to America years before is caught in the middle of a family crisis that presents certain legal problems in this new, outlandish world, he'll have to break some laws and team up with a couple of dorks to save the day. Inspired by the Trump Craze of the recent months, this is a political comedy, intended to be as uncompromisingly funny as humanly possible. I'm in ninth grade and, at 33 pages long, this is my first story ever. I originally wrote it for the holidays late last year on Google Docs, but my family, friends, and peers loved it, so I figured I'd share it online. Enjoy! NOTICE: This story is labeled as not mature, but it does contain a few suggestive references and mild expletives, so make of it what you may.

It and Stranger Things Oneshots by IDidntHaveAnAffair

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The Number On The Napkin by LunaFlore

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Dipshits in Space: Seasoru 7 by AdrianOzryth

Ugh, you again. Takes a lot to offend you doesn't it? Well guess who's back, back again and with an anime cover this time. It's the Dipshits, but this time it's a brand new ship, a brand new additional crew tacked on to the lovable turds you know and love. A smoking hot tazer, a redneck, A generic bald-headed bumpy-skulled alien, and more! Shaggtastic spies, a holiday special, game shows, an ugly breakup, salads, Jerry-pipes (whatever the crap those are!), Egyptian gods, old friends, and 3 weirdos that are totally just vampires. The plan-D or E list of adventures is sure to entertain, assuming you have low enough standards. given that you're 7 seasons in...you probably do. We both know it. Roll that beautiful bean footage, and get the Wagon Groovin. It's space, and there's always dipshits in it.

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Slide 1 of 10

Keeping Up With the Sammy cover

I DON'T KNOW cover

Awesome Short Stories cover

I won't be impressed by technology until I can download food cover

The Day I Turned Into a Cat (Completed) cover

The Book of Rants, Cliches, and More cover

World Wall 3 cover

It and Stranger Things Oneshots cover

The Number On The Napkin cover

Dipshits in Space: Seasoru 7 cover

Keeping Up With the Sammy

Hello! My name is Sam and, surprise, I write! Instead of throwing another common Wattpad teen romance your way, I decided to use this commonly used website as a journal for everyone to judge me! So if you want to read about my weird crazy life or just wanna dive into something a bit relaxing to take away the stresses of your day, I welcome you here to my little corner. Snuggle up and enjoy 💜 And as always, Stay Lovely ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 09/24 Hey, it's me Sam again, but four years later from what you just read this thing is essentially a blog, let's be honest, but hey, maybe if you're into that we can have a laugh together. And if you're about to swipe out this because this isn't very Wattpad aesthetic, I understand, I hope you have a great day, and again, Stay Lovely