As I laid the flag across his casket I also laid him to rest. Little did I know that in that moment, I wasn't just losing him. I was losing her too. And it may not be in the same way but as I spoke my final words to him, and as I looked up at her, I didn't think it would with hold so many lasts within it. Last time I would see him, last time I would talk to him, last time to see his grave, last time I would ever see her. As I spoke, "I love you daddy, I miss you, and I will hold you with me everyday." I glanced up to watch my mother's retreating body.
I felt an ice cold tear spill down my pink and flustered cheeks and as it did I reached up and wiped it away with the sleeve of my hoodie. I dared to glance a look to my left and saw Jamie watching me. We locked eyes, he smiled and then looked away, but I couldn't bring myself to stop staring. His deep brown eyes were a daydream and his shoulder length hair a... trap for destruction. No, I couldn't let myself go there. I was just setting myself up to be hurt... again. I've had enough of that for a lifetime.