Humor On High: Clean Jokes and Funny Stories - Crystal Scherer - Wattpad

Humor On High: Clean Jokes and Funny Stories

Reads 81,063
Votes 1,901
Parts 11
Time 1h 12m

Reads 81,063
Votes 1,901
Parts 11
Time 1h 12m

clean funny hilarious humor jokes random stories

I have a soft spot for clean and funny jokes.
Perhaps you do too.

I have slowly been collecting things that I found particularly humorous. 
Most of these are not mine, although a few are.

Some chapters are just images, and will have (images) in the chapter title.

A new chapter every Monday.  

Enjoy.  :)

I kindly request that people refrain from swearing in my books. The English language is huge, and many other things can be used instead. I don't mind things like shit, blast it, or fuzzy bunny slippers, but I can't stand the f-bomb or when people insult female dogs. If people want to vent, why not do it more creatively? Nicky manages it quite well in The Virus Within.


The lovely cover was made by @Ellie6880!All Rights Reserved

clean funny hilarious humor jokes random stories

Table of contents

11 parts

Sign up to add Humor On High: Clean Jokes and Funny Stories to your library and receive updates

or

Content Guidelines

You may also like

Special Agent 2: The Dark Soldier by darthwitty

Things have changed since Loki was assigned to work for Agent Gibbs. NCIS now plays a bigger role in the world of counterterrorism and intelligence, while Loki has assumed his place beside his brother Thor as a protector of the Nine Realms. And, like his brother, he looks forward to returning to earth. But when Loki is finally given permission to return to NCIS, he finds his team has taken on a case which is connected to a much deeper plot to strip America of its essential freedoms. Agent Sniper has resurfaced and Gibbs is determined to track her down at all costs, while a plot beyond the stars seeks to change the fabric of reality itself. Loki must both dig deep and look up to save humanity, recalling his past and embracing whatever the future holds in order to stand his ground. Because, as DiNozzo so cleverly puts it: "When something breaks that isn't supposed to...well, stuff happens." Book Two of the Special Agent series

The Skin Thief by Clog-bot

A young dream walker gifted with the ability to take over other people's bodies, becomes a spy and political assassin, venturing across worlds to save her realm from a devastating war brewing. Season 1 of The Skin Thief ***** Five Realms and two epic stories. Rowan Elliot is a dream walker; a being who can take over the body of another person. With her unique powers, Rowan becomes a spy and assassin for her government in the Second Realm. With the threat of war brewing, Rowan is sent on a dangerous mission to the futuristic, technologically advanced Fourth Realm. Every day she's at risk of capture, and any wrong move could mean her downfall. To make matters worse, she's been tasked with seducing a powerful and dangerous man - a man in charge of hunting down people like her. Kiora is a Winter Priestess. Carved from ice, she lives in her sacred temple with her beloved sisters in the Second Realm. That is until the Fool King of Orthanya comes for her and offers her up to the Dragon Emperor of the Fifth Realm as the newest wife for his harem. Kiora longs to be free, but with great dragons the size of cities at the emperor's command, she knows there is no chance she could ever leave. Not when he would hunt her down. So, the naïve priestess learns how to navigate the competitive political world she finds herself in. Soon, she discovers that power is a dangerous thing, and once you've had a taste for it, you can never let it go. WARNING: This story contains depictions of violence, torture, and sexual harassment. Reader discretion is advised. *** Weekly updates on Mondays. Wait & read for free, or unlock with coins-the choice is yours!

A Different Virus: Heartfire by CrystalScherer

In the future, everyone who's bitten by a zombie turns into one... until Diane doesn't. Seven days later, she's facing consequences she never imagined. * * * * * As civilization collapses under a relentless wave of zombies, Diane and her friends take shelter in a military base. However, while she's rescuing another survivor, Diane gets bitten by one of the monsters. She hides it and runs away, knowing she only has days left to live. But she soon discovers she isn't turning into a zombie - she's turning into something else. --------- Excerpt: I looked up and stared. My reflection looked back at me in the mirror of the dark room. My eyes were literally glowing, there was no mistaking it. It was not a reflection of light, or any of the other excuses I had used or others had assumed. They were glowing a light sapphire blue color. It was not a bright glow, but it was definitely a glow. Glowing eyes were not normal. Okay, at this point I had to admit it, I was no longer normal. What was I then? For that, I had no answer [[Word count: 495,000]] Copyright August 2016. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world* and *zombie rules* as long as credit is given. Cover was lovingly made by JimenaVivancoo.

own the night | applyfic book 1 ✓ by NoonHorizon

" our freedom isn't up to them , it's only up to us . i'm the alpha , i'm the one to trust . together we do whatever it takes , we're in this pack for life . we're wolves , we own the night . " in a world where supernaturals are hunted by humans in order to be put down, they have to protect each other. that's why the institute is so important: it keeps them safe. until, of course, it didn't. with humans now attending their school as a show of good faith and the hunters beginning to attack them, staying alive seems harder than ever before. adding high school drama and romance into the mix just doesn't seem fair. it's a wild fight for survival all in time for prom. -read book 2, not this one! [ started: april 5, 2020 ]

Blood War (Book 1, the Halfblood Chronicles) by katycage

This book has been removed from Wattpad.

Wendizzy's Writer Room by Wendizzy

In this book, you'll get a behind the scenes look at how your favorite characters were born, my creative process, and the dirty details never before revealed. Tex's Camp Q&A: Come sit by the fire and ask me whatever you'd like. We can roast marshmallows, tell scary stories, and hang out in the comments like a big, happy family. Gator's Backstage Pass: A place full of secrets. Learn the-sometimes embarrassing-details on how my wildest scenes came to life, facts about the characters, the process, and myself.

Knife in the Dark by ArgusPalas

How do you deal when a trained assassin goes rogue? You neutralize them. But what happens when nine of them go rogue? You try to hunt them.

Glass Eye: Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective by BenSobieck

Season 1 of Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective * Her psychic powers are fake, but the kidnapped girl she must find is real. * Zandra is an infamous "psychic" who grifts the gullible residents of her small Wisconsin town using her wits, not anything supernatural. Her skills are put to the ultimate test when the police tap her to help find a kidnapped girl. But there's a catch. The girl's father apparently got away with murdering Zandra's husband years ago. Can Zandra put aside her grudge for the sake of a missing child? Or is this the perfect opportunity for revenge? Also available on YONDER, the next-generation reading app from the Wattpad family. Prequel to the 2016 Wattys winner, "Black Eye" (Featured by @TheGirlOnTheTrain)

Pride + Prejudice + Zombies by PPZmovie

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton-and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers-and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield. Can Elizabeth vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.

Given (Wattpad Books Edition) by Nandi_taylor

WATTPAD BOOKS EDITION. Bound by fate. Divided by duty. Yenni has never been this far from home. With only her wits, her strength, and her sacred runelore, the fierce Yirba warrior princess is alone in the Empire of Cresh. It's a land filled with strange magics and even stranger people-all of whom mistrust anyone who's different. But Yenni will prove herself, and find the cure for her father's wasting illness. She will not fail. No one warned her about the dragons. Especially not about him. Yet there is something powerful and compelling about the violet-black dragon known as Weysh. In human form he's muscular, beautiful-and completely infuriating. What kind of arrogant creature claims a stranger as his Given; as his destined mate? Yenni is no man's-or dragon's-plaything. But other magics must be at work here, because Weysh might just be her best hope at finding the answers she seeks. Only now Yenni can't tell if she's fighting an attraction to a dragon . . . or fighting fate itself.

"Man, That Was Unexpected" // Steven Hyde by strawberriesfeeling

S H O R T S T O R Y Who doesn't love Steven Hyde man

Enheduanna: The First Author - Wattys Winner 2021 by Alatary

WATTYS 2021 Historical Fiction winner | Writers Of The Past Series. 4000 years ago, in an empire where women were little more than flowers on the wall, one princess cemented her story in history and changed the art of writing for centuries to come. *** Based on the real-life Akkadian princess and high-priestess Enheduanna, this novel explores the life of history's first author. An outspoken visionary with a talent for writing down her deepest emotions, Enheduanna's life is turned upside-down when the god Nanna chooses her to become the high priestess of Ur. As her power in the city of Ur grows, so does her list of enemies. But her own safety is the least of her worries when thousands depend on her to keep the vengeful gods happy, and their land safe. Either way, Enheduanna is not willing to go down without a fight. One way or another, she will carve her own path, and nobody is going to erase her from the pages of history. - part 1 of the Writers Of The Past Series -

𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗗𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗰𝘆 by authorosee

𝗦𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝘀 𝗧𝗼𝗼 𝗗𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗙𝗼𝗿 His 𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 "Fuck, whenever you're in my arms, I feel like I might crush you. You're so delicate," he said, kissing her cheek. "Huh?" "It took me three years to hug you, and today you let him hug you, huh?" he asked, trying to control his anger. "He is your brother," she said, trying to move from his grip. "So what? It doesn't matter. We'v been married for a month, and you didn't allow me to kiss you. But today, you hug him? I'm very upset," he said, looking straight into her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm a very loyal and possessive man. Just because I haven't kissed or touched you doesn't mean I can't. Now, what will you do to make it up to me?" "I... I will..." "You will what?" "I will sit on your lap and feed you," she said. "From now on, you'll do this every morning and night."

The Virus Within: Third Wave (Book 2) by CrystalScherer

The third wave is looming, mere weeks away, but in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, problems never come just one at a time. Season 2 of The Virus Within * * * * * Life isn't easy, and that's doubly true when you're a zombie surrounded by humans, a crazy redhead, and a far-too-curious scientist. Once you add in a long-lost sister and a Terror who doesn't know how to zombie, peace and quiet are the last things you'll find. Reports of a Nightstalker attack come mere weeks before the third wave is due, and Trinity is one of the few who have the necessary skills to take on such a zombie. Leaving her sister in the safety of the Stronghold, Trinity joins the rest of the group as they embark on a road trip to locate the feral creature before it can kill anyone else. Trouble looms on the horizon like a thunderstorm, and where there's thunder, there's lightning. You better pack your dish soap because the third wave isn't waiting for anyone. Cover designed by Marie Tilmant

Shinsou X Kaminari ( Discontinued ) by smol_ace_bean_boi

Idk a bunch of one shots I guess???

Wyrmrot by stephsaige

[Publishing Updates Only] It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's a... dragon? When scientists brought everyone's favorite fairytale creature to life, people flocked to see them, including Zelda Rissland and her little brother Amory. Little did they know, the scientists had created more than just dragons--they created a deadly parasite. Wyrmrot is what they later called it. First, it ate your brain, and then it made you eat other people's brains. Zelda's brother is now one of the Rotters, and the only person from her former life she has left is Cooper Marotta, her childhood friend turned boyfriend. Together they have managed to carve out a safe place for themselves in a world turned upside down, but their little survivor group is rapidly running out of food. It is only a matter of time before they start turning on each other. When mysterious coordinates appear on a construction sign, Zelda knows there is only one thing to do. Follow them. Described as Jurassic Park meets Resident Evil, this is an upper Young Adult Science Fiction novel told in dual timelines. There will be plenty of action and adventure with a dash of romance. Cover commissioned from GetCovers.

The Virus Within: The Road Ahead (Book 1 - SERIES COMPLETED!) by CrystalScherer

If dish soap, rutabagas, and firecrackers aren't an essential part of your zombie apocalypse kit, you better grab them now! Season 1 of The Virus Within (SERIES IS COMPLETED!) * * * * * * * Trinity fights against the bloodthirsty influences of the zombie virus as she searches for her sister, hoping to find her still alive among the scattered survivors. But even if Trinity manages to find her, how will Jess react when she discovers Trinity is a zombie? When a group of survivors gets stranded by a vehicle malfunction, Trinity decides to guide them to safety. Rediscovering her sense of humor was the last thing she ever expected, but it just might be her best defense in keeping her humanity, especially on a zombie-infested road trip with more bad luck than potholes. But time is running out as the third wave of the deadly outbreak rapidly spreads. Trinity must decide if she can trust a backwater scientist who thinks she can help her new friends, all while combating the effects of the virus that threatens to steal what's left of her humanity. Cover designed by Marie Tilmant

The Rider's Legend by SaoiMarie

Hated by the people she's sworn to protect, dragon rider Neely Lynch searches for her stolen dragon while struggling to control the dark powers inside her. ***** After the Culling of Naughton -- a horrific slaughter that led to the murder of several dragon riders and the destruction of two separate armies -- Neely Lynch is on the warpath. Unbeknownst to most, Neely and her friends survived the Culling and are determined to reunite with their kidnapped dragons at any cost (even if that means leaving a trail of broken and bloody bodies behind them). But finding her dragon soon becomes the least of her problems when Neely discovers her disappearance after the Culling has only added to her reputation as the infamous Vidalin Rider. Hated and scorned by the people she's sworn to protect, Neely must find a way to prove she's not the villain everyone thinks she is before her dark and deadly powers, which are slowly growing beyond her control, transform her into the very thing she's trying not to be. [The Rider's Legend can be read as Book 3 in The Rider series, or as a standalone -- but note that it will spoil Book 1 and 2] [[word count: 150,000-200,000 words]]

When Shadows Rise (Book 1) by HaleySulich

A magic-addicted spy trapped in the queen's service must track a princess-turned-assassin in order to earn her freedom, but things get complicated when she falls for the princess she's supposed to capture. ***** Weak. Cursed. That's how seventeen-year-old Kayden Branimir, the realm's deadliest assassin, views herself. Some believe she could save the world with her rare healing magic, but she gave up on her powers long ago after failing to save her best friend. Her life changes when she receives a letter from her supposedly dead twin brother, Alaric, begging to be rescued from rival territory Leodia. For the first time since her friend's accident, Kayden is determined to be the hero, but she must learn to embrace her magic--and herself--along the way. Strange. Unnatural. Those are the words whispered about eighteen-year-old Zara Tait, a Leodian spy addicted to soul-stealing magic. Forced into the queen's service, Zara wants to escape and return home, but she has nothing to offer the queen in exchange for her freedom. When Kayden arrives in Leodia, Zara sees the quiet girl with unique magic as the bargaining chip she needs. But the more she learns of Kayden, the more her feelings grow. Now, Zara must choose between her freedom and the dangerous assassin she hadn't meant to fall for. [2020 Watty Award Winner] Content warning: This story contains mature themes of violence, addiction, abuse, self-harm, and mental illness. Cover by Faera Lane

Predator Code (Tales from Wildhearth #1) by words_are_weapons

Season 1 of Tales from Wildhearth In a world beyond imagining lies danger that's all too real. For centuries the intelligent animal kin of Wildhearth have lived in peace together but as their technology advances with dangerous rapidity their world is heading for a new conflict more brutal than ever before. Foxkin hacker Jett has come into possession of a mysterious data drive that brings death to anyone who dares to penetrate its contents. Fleeing the rabid pursuit of a squad of elite wolfkin enforcers she desperately seeks allies among the tangled alleyways and hidden tunnels of Wildhearth. Her only hope of survival is to expose the terrible secret before the animals of the city are overwhelmed by a savage conspiracy that could mean the end of their world. ***************************

You may also like

Slide 1 of 20

Special Agent 2: The Dark Soldier cover

The Skin Thief cover

A Different Virus: Heartfire cover

own the night | applyfic book 1 ✓ cover

Blood War (Book 1, the Halfblood Chronicles) cover

Wendizzy's Writer Room cover

Knife in the Dark cover

Glass Eye: Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective cover

Pride + Prejudice + Zombies cover

Given (Wattpad Books Edition) cover

"Man, That Was Unexpected" // Steven Hyde cover

Enheduanna: The First Author - Wattys Winner 2021 cover

𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗗𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗰𝘆 cover

The Virus Within: Third Wave (Book 2) cover

Shinsou X Kaminari ( Discontinued ) cover

The Virus Within: The Road Ahead (Book 1 - SERIES COMPLETED!) cover

The Rider's Legend cover

When Shadows Rise (Book 1) cover

Predator Code (Tales from Wildhearth #1) cover

Special Agent 2: The Dark Soldier

Things have changed since Loki was assigned to work for Agent Gibbs. NCIS now plays a bigger role in the world of counterterrorism and intelligence, while Loki has assumed his place beside his brother Thor as a protector of the Nine Realms. And, like his brother, he looks forward to returning to earth. But when Loki is finally given permission to return to NCIS, he finds his team has taken on a case which is connected to a much deeper plot to strip America of its essential freedoms. Agent Sniper has resurfaced and Gibbs is determined to track her down at all costs, while a plot beyond the stars seeks to change the fabric of reality itself. Loki must both dig deep and look up to save humanity, recalling his past and embracing whatever the future holds in order to stand his ground. Because, as DiNozzo so cleverly puts it: "When something breaks that isn't supposed to...well, stuff happens." Book Two of the Special Agent series