Screaming

I fight the screaming, the fear, the
embarrassing stupidity.
I don't give in but.
Sometimes it wins.
Sometimes I lose
who am I,
I lose the ability to
form to form to form
sentences and thoughts wi
which don't repeat
the ability to form
the ability to form
sentences which don't repeat
in circles in my head.
Sometimes the little faceless man runs
screaming
in circles
and I
can't look
directly
for fear they
might see him
running
screaming.
I can't open my eyes to them
can't open my mind or soul
in fear they might know that
I'm faking it.

I know they know
anyway.
I know they hear it. I know they talk.
I know they wonder where I went
why I can't hear them.
the noise, the noise in my head
won't let me go.
It
won't
let
go.
I try.
I cut.

All this wasted time
this wasted life
destroys me.