Jokes - osborneploughe - Wattpad

Jokes

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Parts 2
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Reads 71
Votes 0
Parts 2
Time <5 mins

approprite awesome crazy cupcakes funny jokes kids rainbows random weird

Why did the toilet paper not cross  the road? Because he was stuck in a crack 

When your mother tells you to watch  your brother that is throwing up? You give him your phone number and go hang with your friends.

Your mamma's so fat that when hulk tried to save her your mamma broke hulks back.

Your mamma's so weird I saw your mamma at the mall screaming Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 

Your mamma's so ugly people looked at her profile page and never saw any thing again

Have you ever got tired of your sister and shut her in a closet and told your mother there was a talking tiger in the closet and your sister was inside the tiger?

When your mom calls you and said "I flooded the house again can you help me" You call your sisters and brothers and say mom needs help she flooded the house

When the train went by last night your dad said shut up and your mother said don't tell him to shut up you will hurt his feeling 

One day your mother tells you that you have six toes there you see the saw ahhPublic Domain

approprite awesome crazy cupcakes funny jokes kids rainbows random weird

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Love or Lust? by DDoubleSS

Shanté: You were in her room, Jonathan! Jonathan: Ok, ok, I understand that but- Shanté: No, just shut up, ok! You hurt me. Badly. And- Jonathan: You hurt me too, Shanté. Quit playing victim all the damn time. Shanté: Well then I guess we shouldn't be together. We shouldn't talk, we shouldn't text, we shouldn't anything. We just might hurt each other again. He tears up which causes me to tear up. I let my tears run down my face & he continues to fight his tears but there's one that's at the literal edge of his eye waiting to be free Jonathan: ...but we're in love. Shanté: Well we're just going to have to be in love from afar. Jonathan: Shanté, I JUST got you back. Please. I can't...I can't lose you again. The tear that was on the edge of his eye finally drops & another falls out the other. I look into the eyes I once fell in love with & force myself to say Shanté: ...I can't do this anymore. *leaves* 🚨🚨🚨🚨Cuss words, sexual content, & n-word use🚨🚨🚨🚨 -I posted this story last year but decided to make a couple of changes🙂- Ps - Every character in this story is black EXCEPT for Elizabeth😗✌️

Catch me if you can by classy_scorpio

[Not Edited] He's ruthless every man wants to be him or the fear him, every women wants to fuck him. He has the largest mafia he could kill anyone in a blink of an eye. She is the Beauty every girl envoys. She can seduce any man, what happens when she seduces the wrong kind of man. He falls head over heels For her. he would give up anything and everything. She didn't know what she's gotten into. She gets pregnant and flees never wanting that life for her child, she steels his money and heart. He will find her and he vows to destroy her. What happens when it's been years and he finally finds her, will he kill her in cold blood or will he see her and his child and decided to have Mercy. The meet when she was 19 and he was 22, she's now 24 and he's 26. ☽ I cum on his mouth and he slurps up every last thing. But he doesn't stop he keeps sucking and licking my clit harshly. My legs start to shake and I try to close my legs but he holds them open. "It's t-to much" my words come out shaky. "Your gonna take it like a good girl ok." ☽ [mature audience] [sexual scenes]

Changed me by SincerelyShomal

Time was standing annoyingly still and I think I may have forgotten how to properly breathe. "Panda you have to come sit down pacing is not going to-" pushing my hand out I stopped him from saying anything. I stopped him from confirming the knowledge that there is nothing I can do to make this better. I pulled at my hair ripping a couple of strands out in the process. I hated the white walls and fluorescent lights that adorned this place. The squeaky sound that could be heard whenever anyone walked and right now I was causing a lot of squeaking. The strong smell of disinfectant burning my nose but none of it matter right now not any of it. "Where is he?" I heard the voice and my blood immediately started to boil. "You did this" was the last thing I said before I flew and was on top of his mom hitting her wildly. So much for not liking confrontation.

The Hybrid Alpha by Raven_Winterfell

Running. Escaping. My whole life had turned into a never-ending chase. A chase which the opponent had caught up to THIS VERY MOMENT. After I met HIM. The one and only HYBRID ALPHA. I was tired. Tired of running from my past. No more. No more I promised myself. I let them catch up to me. I gave in. But once I did, I was separated from my Twin; (Alpha) Kane, taken to a new pack by my 'Mate' and now to keep my boredom at bay, I turn my attention to the mysterious being I call 'mate'. Knowing it's only a matter of time before I make a run for it back to my pack, my family. Question to the unknown; how long will they run in circles? How long will they ignore the attraction? Most importantly how long before they realise they've fallen in love? Will it be too late?... ______ "Tell me you don't feel something...between us." "I d-don't." He replies instantly clenching his jaw. "Good to know Xavious." I turn to get up but he stops me as usual. "I don't know what it is..." "It's nothing. Nothing Xavious. You walk like a brick wall whose not affected by anything or anyone." Before I could heave a breath he somehow managed to pull me under him. I gasp at his fast movement amazed by his powers yet again. He trails his fingers down my shoulders to my curved hips as I place my palms on his hard yet smooth chest. Instantly his eyes close as if savouring the moment as does mine. "I could've taken you whenever I would've pleased but I didn't" He says in a husky voice. "Prove it." _______ ...To a never-ending chase between mates and to finding love! WARNING!!! MATURE SCENES!!!READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!UNDERGOING EDITING! Enjoy lovelies!!

My diary: an interactive project. Sort of. by Unknown901

Just the life of a girl who may or may not be mentally ill. Care to take the journey with me?

Keep On Dancing (A human Bonnie x Reader) by ItsKingSae

You're a teenager with the love of dancing. As a child, you competed in community dancing competitions with all your friends. Your mother and father supported your love for dancing all the way. Your father would even dance with you sometimes just to spend time with his little girl! Then, one disastrous night when you were thirteen, you and your parents were driving home from your fifth national competition. You won first place, and everyone in your family was proud of you. It began to rain and visibility was decreasing. A drunken driver wasn't paying attention to where you and your family were going, and the drunken driver crashed head on into the vehicle. Your mother didn't make it. A year later, your father became more alcoholic and abusive. He was very devastated over your mother's death just as you were. He kept telling you it was all your fault that your mother died. It is currently three years after your mother's death, and you're sixteen years old. Your father got another woman, and you have a little step sister now. Your father and step mother finally made the decision to send you to a foster family, and that's where you went.

Old Stories& Poetry (Mostly 9th and 10th grade) by CathyL0v3

The Favorite Twin by Renee__D

⚠️𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗜𝗦 𝗠𝗬 𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗞. 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗪𝗘𝗥𝗘 𝗡𝗢 𝗖𝗢𝗣𝗜𝗘𝗦 𝗢𝗙 𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘𝟭𝗪𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗘𝗥. 𝗪𝗘'𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗟𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗬 𝗠𝗔𝗗𝗘 𝗔 𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗨𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗔𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦⚠️ ▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃ *She reaches the point where she is unnhappy and without hope that she could feel worse* Ivy is 16 years old and is also a twin. Her whole life, she was treated diferently from her twin who is Iris. Their mom took them away when they were 4 at the time from their father and brothers. Iris is a spoiled brat that thinks she can get everything she wants since it was handed to her like a silver platter. Although she does feel bad for her sister at time and wants to have some type of relationship with her twin. She knew about the abuse and didn't do nothing about it cause if she did, they would threatening her. So instead, she pretends it didn't happened. Ivy is badass, you could say but she likes to keep to herself. She smoke weed to ease her mind off the problems that going on in her life. She have a good amount of tattoo and have a story about each and every one. She has a very high IQ average.She has a dark past and have power and connections around the world. She have her an illegal job but also have an legal job on the side so people won't be suspious. After her mom dies, what happened when she see the family she never wanted to see again... Come and see what will happen on Ivy's journey. ------ Started-𝗡𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗠𝗕𝗘𝗥 𝟬𝟰, 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭 End- 𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗛 𝟭𝟵, 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮 Set- 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗣𝗟𝗘𝗧𝗘 10k votes on 05/31/22 500k views 07/05/22 600k views 08/05/22 700k views 09/30/22 800k views 01/01/23 900k views 04/15/23 1M VIEWS 08/04/23

Wrong Number || Avengers by UrFavSleeper

Accidentally texting the wrong number can lead to a lot of things, but you didn't think it would lead to meeting the Avengers... And possibly running for your life from them! ----------- "Awe, that's so cute...how did you get her to sleep, your powers?" Nat joked Wanda looked shocked, her eyes jolting from you to Nat, "N-no...I just got her to trust me" Wanda breathed out, fixing your loose baby hairs from your forehead ----------- FAST pace SHORT story Warnings⚠️: Mention of fighting, fluff, abuse, fire, knifes/ blood, vomiting, ED, self harm, foul language, LGBTQ, GXG, and possibly more I don't own any of these characters, Marvel does, I only created storyline and Y/n MomNat X MomWanda X Teen-Y/n

The Street Fighter *Original Version* by mackenzienrose

BEWARE, this is the very bad version I wrote when I was 15 years old but I did rewrite it now that I'm 20 and I promise that one makes much more sense! New version is called At All Costs you can find it on my profile! What I see in the mirror is nothing special. I see a girl with dark brown almost black hair, with brown eyes that have been dull for years. I sigh and raise my shirt so I can see the bruises from my opponent last night. If you haven't guessed yet I am a street fighter and a good one at that. I fight in a place called The Underground where my manager Smith sets up my fights. Although I'm only 5'3, I still only fight with men. For me that means more money that I win. Did I mention I am undefeated at The Underground? No, well I am and almost everyone places their bets on me. Or should I say placed because me and my family are moving across the country to New York which means I have to find a new place to fight and make money. That was really my only problem with moving because I don't have any friends here, it's not like people haven't tried I just don't like getting to close to people. Although my family still doesn't know about my street fighting, we still are very close after what happened with my father. They left but I know they will come back and finish what they started and that's why I started street fighting. I need to be able to protect me and my family when they do come back. I'm not letting my family get hurt this time.

You may also like

Slide 1 of 10

Love or Lust? cover

Catch me if you can cover

Changed me cover

The Hybrid Alpha cover

My diary: an interactive project. Sort of. cover

Keep On Dancing (A human Bonnie x Reader) cover

Old Stories& Poetry (Mostly 9th and 10th grade) cover

The Favorite Twin cover

Wrong Number || Avengers cover

The Street Fighter *Original Version* cover

Love or Lust?

Shanté: You were in her room, Jonathan! Jonathan: Ok, ok, I understand that but- Shanté: No, just shut up, ok! You hurt me. Badly. And- Jonathan: You hurt me too, Shanté. Quit playing victim all the damn time. Shanté: Well then I guess we shouldn't be together. We shouldn't talk, we shouldn't text, we shouldn't anything. We just might hurt each other again. He tears up which causes me to tear up. I let my tears run down my face & he continues to fight his tears but there's one that's at the literal edge of his eye waiting to be free Jonathan: ...but we're in love. Shanté: Well we're just going to have to be in love from afar. Jonathan: Shanté, I JUST got you back. Please. I can't...I can't lose you again. The tear that was on the edge of his eye finally drops & another falls out the other. I look into the eyes I once fell in love with & force myself to say Shanté: ...I can't do this anymore. leaves 🚨🚨🚨🚨Cuss words, sexual content, & n-word use🚨🚨🚨🚨 -I posted this story last year but decided to make a couple of changes🙂- Ps - Every character in this story is black EXCEPT for Elizabeth😗✌️