A Struggle with Identity (Open Diary)
- Reads 273
- Votes 15
- Parts 5
"When you thought they were accepting, when you thought they were open minded. When you realized it is all just a thought."
Just like Augustus Waters, I fear oblivion. I want to have a constant representation of myself to all my Wattpad friends. A representaion that FashionMonkey lives on. Join me with my struggle to find myself in this slightly homophobic provincial-city.
“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey
All Rights Reserved
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𝐼𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝑜𝓃 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝑒𝓎𝑒𝓈. {𝐵. 𝐸}
ᴀʟʟɪꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ʟɪꜰᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ᴜᴘꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ꜱʜᴇ ɪꜱ ᴋɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ʙʏ ʜᴇʀ ᴀʙᴜꜱɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴏᴍ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ꜱʜᴇ ʙᴜᴍᴘꜱ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀɴ ᴏʟᴅ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴘᴀʀᴛʏ. ʙᴜᴛ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴀꜱ ᴀʟʟɪꜱᴏɴ ᴛʜɪɴᴋꜱ ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏᴏᴅꜱ..ʜᴇʀ ʟɪꜰᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇꜱ ᴀ ᴛᴜʀɴ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀꜱᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴡ ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀʏ. #¹ ⁻ᵇⁱˡˡⁱᵉᵉⁱˡⁱˢʰ ?! #¹⁵ ⁻ˢᵃᵈʳᵒᵐᵃⁿᶜᵉ #⁸ ⁻ˢᵘⁱᶜⁱᵈᵉᵖʳᵉᵛᵉⁿᵗⁱᵒⁿComplete
ILL LOVERS
"𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙤 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙗𝙖𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙪𝙨." -/- Josiah Mere was mentally ill. He knew and understood that and he wanted to fix it. He wanted to be better and he also wanted a change so that was one of the reasons why he agreed to go on a two week trip from Los Angeles to San Francisco with sixteen other kids he never met, a trip planned by his therapist. He just didn't expect to find love in the midst of that. Elijah Tripley was depressed. It was obvious and apparent but regardless, he didn't want to stay like that so that's why he decided to do something out of his comfort zone and intended to go on a trip filled with people he didn't know and wouldn't necessarily want to know. But Josiah came into his life and uprooted that plan instantly, even if they did get on the wrong foot in the beginning. - this is ILL LOVERS and I hope you all enjoy <3 - (𝑴𝑰𝑳𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑵𝑬𝑺) #10 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 #197 𝒊𝒏 𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒆𝒓 #84 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒚Complete
Just Okay
We've all been through ups and downs in life and not all of us can speak our minds. I'm not the kind of person that can just talk to anyone about my thoughts and problems. No I can't talk to anyone because no one knows what's going on in my life. I've tried talking to people but it just seems impossible for them to understand. My life isn't completely shit, but it's close. It's not the people in my life, it's not the things they do, it's just me and my mind.Complete
Feel the same
"No George I said no! No one would understand me! No one knows how hard it is to constantly be around the person you love, and how hard it is to make yourself believe that you shouldn't like them because it's wrong!Complete
𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘
𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲. 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧. 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫. (𝐧.) 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ; 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 • 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐝𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐯𝐚𝐩𝐞 𝜗𝜚Complete
Anomalies ✔
"I am the textbook definition of in love with you." *** Castor Rex: He's snarky, quiet and mysterious. A secret keeper. He doesn't like his life to be on display. People avoid him, even if they respect him. Jasper Red: He's polite, nice and helpful. A open book. He likes filling his life with other people and their love. People love him, they can't help it. Because of his quiet nature, snarky smirks and sarcastic words Castor has always had a hard time when it came to making friends -and keeping them. Something Jazz doesn't struggle with. With Jazz's protective nature, shyness and many friends he doesn't need someone else to fill a spot in his life -at least, that's what he thought. Then they met. And that empty part in Jazz's heart felt a little bit bigger because he started to realize Cas could fill it. Cas sees him as a grinning, happy dork he has no chance with. Jazz sees him as a adorable, grumpy jock that now, is his. Castor wants to get through the school year as quietly as possible but with how loud Jazz loves, neither of them know if it's possible, and to make matters worse they're roommates for the rest of the year. It's only a matter of time before they come together or fall apart. *** As a private person, someone who doesn't share myself with others, I can say that learning how to interact with others is difficult. It's like baking, almost, you have to mix the right ingredients together, and if you add the wrong ones things can taste hideous even if they look good. It's a lot like our words. But I've mastered how to tell someone just a little about myself but doing it in a way that makes the person in front of me think they know a lot. Jasper, somehow, sees through this every fucking time and it's absolutely infuriating. He's never satisfied with just a little of me, with my hidden truth, and it's the most annoying thing I've ever experienced. *** @STESLARA made the second POV in her book 'Jasper Red's Anomaly'Complete
THE SWEETEST SIN(BxB)
REWRITTEN AS OF JULY 2022. (ENEMIES TO LOVERS TROPE) Carl Mendez is a teen from River Bridge high school. He is the son of a preacher and a high school principal. Both of his parents are Christians who live according to God's teachings. It's why they have raised their son according to the ways of the bible. Carl however has a secret, one that is considered a sacrilege by his faith and the only person who knows about his secret is, Gavin Mileford, his arch nemesis and bully. Gavin agrees to keep Carl's secret but at a price. One that will cost him everything including his heart. What happens when what is considered a sin by his faith ends up being the sweetest feeling that Carl has ever experienced in his life? **** "And where are you off to so fast, Carlito?" His mint laden breath scorched my face at his question. His face was a few inches from mine. If someone were to walk in now, they would think that we are about to make out which is obviously not the case because I would never. I repeat, never ever dream of kissing this monster. I'd rather chew my own foot! "It's none of your business, Gavin." I spat the words. "Oh, but your business is my business Carlito. Or did you forget?" He declared, his eyes holding mine hostage. His eyes were like an endless jungle, so green and deep. I wonder what it would be like to stare at them all night long. Stop thinking about such shit, Carl! "Gavin, I don't have time for this." I managed to form a sentence. It wasn't helping that he was so close to me. That I could feel every ab and muscle on his body pressed against me. "Then what do you have time for? Checking out my ass in the locker room? Or writing a whole poem about my dick. Tell me, do you have time for all that?" His questions prompted my eyes to bulge and the pace my heartbeats to escalate. The thumping of my heart was enough to shatter my ribcage to pieces. Shit. He knows. How the fuck did he know? This can't be happening. *****Complete
A Taste Of Oblivion : The Short Comings Chronicles VOL1
Stories heal, stories hurt, stories create a fantasy but not all stories have happy endings. "I look everything like my father, I look nothing like my father," -My Fathers Son "I always thought I was hard to love till you made it seem so easy," - A Kind Of Feeling "I know it's dumb, relying on memories we had, used to have, wish we had because I can't move on" -It's Fine, I'm Fine, We're Fine "My mind was working over time, it was on over drive, cranking and punching out various thoughts, I was overthinking," -Mother, Hear My Heart Beat "We're all told sins are the same and that none is held to a higher standard than the other but sexuality instantly is barred from that, exampt because if it's not black or white it simply canot not be grey," -The Most "We said no strings attached yet they attached from the moment we met," -Stupid People "He grew up before he learnt how to overcome the monsters under his bed till they manifested to monsters inside of his head cause he had anxiety before he could even spell what anxiety was," -I Don't Know "Maybe something new will happen this time," -Text Me Back Eight different stories, with eight different outcomes all woven together by one pen accompanied by eight poems they stand.Complete
ᴀʟʟɪꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ʟɪꜰᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ ᴜᴘꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ꜱʜᴇ ɪꜱ ᴋɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ʙʏ ʜᴇʀ ᴀʙᴜꜱɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴏᴍ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ꜱʜᴇ ʙᴜᴍᴘꜱ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀɴ ᴏʟᴅ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴘᴀʀᴛʏ. ʙᴜᴛ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴀꜱ ᴀʟʟɪꜱᴏɴ ᴛʜɪɴᴋꜱ ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏᴏᴅꜱ..ʜᴇʀ ʟɪꜰᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇꜱ ᴀ ᴛᴜʀɴ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀꜱᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴡ ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀʏ. #¹ ⁻ᵇⁱˡˡⁱᵉᵉⁱˡⁱˢʰ ?! #¹⁵ ⁻ˢᵃᵈʳᵒᵐᵃⁿᶜᵉ #⁸ ⁻ˢᵘⁱᶜⁱᵈᵉᵖʳᵉᵛᵉⁿᵗⁱᵒⁿ
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