100 funny jokes that will leave you peeing!!!
- Leituras 109
- Votos 4
- Capítulos 1
Em andamento<5 mins
Última atualização dom, nov 9, 2014
Joke #1: God made everyone different. He got tired by the time he got to china! #2:The only reason I'm so fat is because a tiny body like this couldn't store all my personality.
#3:Son:Dad I'm hungry
Dad:Hi hungry I'm dad
Son:Dad I'm serious
Dad:No you're hungry
Son:you're joking
Dad:No I'm dad
#4:I'm a second hand vegetarian. Cows eat grass and I eat cows.
#5:A guy walks into a bar and says "ouch".
#6:Q:What do you call a fake noodle?A:Impasta!
#7:Q:How do you make a tissue dance? A:Put a little boogey in it!
#8:Q:How do you make holy water?A:Boil the hell out of it.
#9:Why did the banana go to the doctor?A:Because it's not peeling right.
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I Can't Let You Go (COMPLETED)
#1 - Muslim | 16-11-2024 #1 - Urdu | 11-11-2024 #2 - Desi | 16-11-2024 #3 - Strong Female Lead | 16-11-2024 #4 - Replaced Bride | 30-10-2024 #8 - Love Life | 11-11-2024 #36 - Happily Ever After | 27-10-2024 #14 - Family Issues | 31-03-2025 #75 - Muslim Love Story | 3-10-2024 *** I stormed towards him, anger blurring my sights. The moment I was in front of him, I grabbed hold of his collar with my both hands. As I yell, "Are you cheating on me, Shahzain?" Seems like I took him by surprise, it took him a whole minute to realize what was happening right now. And the moment he did, he loosen my hold on him and pushed me, which had me stumbling back. "Even if I do, it shouldn't matter. I was forced into this marriage, Sobia." He yells back. "I didn't have a choice. But you had. You shouldn't have agreed to this marriage." Only if he knew, all my life it wasn't me who got to select the choice. Neither is this one, the most important one in my life. "I won't tolerate this. Either you leave me or leave her." I stated, anger clouding my senses. He walked towards me and took a hold of my chin in his hand and stated clearly. "And where's the fun in that? You ruined my life. I promised to ruin you till death do us a part." I pushed him hard. I had already suffered much from my so-called family. And I refused to get suffered by my husband. It's all about the limit. The moment I had my limit of misery and pain, I will end all of this. "Are you sure, it's not the other way around?" A humorless chuckle escapes my lips, as my darkest shade of eyes met his grey ones. "Also, just wanted to correct you, my dearest husband. You can't ruin what's already ruined, Shahzain." "And if I find out that you kept meeting her behind my back. I will ruin you and that lover of yours." With that I stormed out of our room, making up my mind.Concluída
My Ex-wife, My Destination ✅
"Daisy, do you know what your mistake is?" He asks, his hardness rubbing between my buttocks. I stay silent because I'm not allowed to speak. "That you said 'yes' to marrying me." He spanks my buttocks, grinding his shaft against my wetness. "Therefore, I'll make sure to punish you and make you regret your decision every day." He finishes his sentence by landing a hard spank on my crotch, causing me to fall straight onto the sofa. "Stay still if you don't want me to make your night worse," he warns, raising my buttocks in the air again. "Happy anniversary, my fuck toy." He grabs my waist and plunges his hard membrane deep into me, causing me to gasp. *** Her husband treated her like a sex toy, and she let him, hoping that one day he would recognise her love. And he exploited her and vented his fury on her, making her life a living hell. In the end, he divorced her, not knowing she was carrying his baby. After the divorce, the baby was her only hope of survival. Five years later, when she was living her life with her daughter, his return raised questions: Is he back to separate her from her daughter or to rebuild their relationship? *** "Fine. I'm leaving and never show you my face." He grasps my arms and leans closer to my face, accelerating my heartbeat. I despise how much he still affects me. "Because I care about you more than anything else in this entire world. Just remember, you and Hope are my destination, and I'm ready to take any path which leads me to you both."Concluída
Victim of Love
"Hey, Dan?" "Yes, Mark?" "Did you know that I'm lacking a vitamin?" "Really? Shouldn't we get that checked? Also, which one?" "I'm lacking Vitamin U." "And here I thought it was something serious." "It is serious! I need to recharge, so come into my loving arms!" "I'd rather go into the loving arms of a cannibalistic grizzly bear." "You wound me, Danny." "And I hope it kills you." "Seriously, kid, you're really mean. Why can't you just accept my love?" "Why can't you just accept that I hate you?" Mark chuckles and ruffles my hair. "You're just too cute, Danny." I roll my eyes, biting back a smile. Mark isn't actually a half-bad person. Maybe I should be nicer... "I love how small you are! Just like a tiny little baby!" He exclaims, grinning and pinches my cheeks. Okay, I take that back.Concluída
His Waitress
"Jess, would you please get his order." Lisa winked at me and pointed the guy near the door. She is my one and only bestfriend since kindergarten. "Okay." I wore my waitress apron and put my phone and car keys on the pocket. I dragged myself to the guy's table to get his order. "Good Morning, Sir. Can I take your order?" The guy put the menu down on the table and he's checking me out! Jerk. "I'll just have the waitress in front me. Name your price." He winked at me. "Jerk!" I got the glass of water from the other table and poured it from his head to his pants so that it looked like that he'd pee on it and I stormed out from the restaurant. Who does he think he is?!? --------------------------------------------------- Jessica is the only child of the highest tax payers in the country and belong to the top 5 richest persons in the world. Her parents own a hundred of five star restaurant chains and hotel & casinos in the country and a hundred more around the world. Her parents love and protect her so much because they don't want publicity for their daughter. They want their daughter to have her private life. Jessica doesn't want other people to know that she's the daughter of the richest couple in the country but of course almost everyone knows about it. She wants to have a simple life. One thing about Jessica is that, she hates guys because she was 'only' cheated and used by four guys already. They used her money and these four guys, she'll see them again at school and that bothers her so much. She don't feel love or hurt from guys anymore. Her heart is numb. It feels nothing. For guys. These four guys made Jessica a cold and heartless person. Heartless only for guys but she's really a sweet girl once you get to know her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Can a playboy jerk turns a cold and heartless girl, who hates guys back to her sweet old self?Concluída
Bed of Nails
"Get out," I said in a firm voice, but it shook a bit at the end. The muscles in his jaw tensed when I said that. Instead of getting out, he closed the door and started taking calculative predatory steps toward me. His eyes moved all over my length. My heart started to drum fast. It made me take a step back until my back was flat against the wall. "I said get out," I repeated, trying to sound firm when he was only a step away from me. He stood in front of me with his hands in his pants pocket. "Last time I checked, I still own this place," he said arrogantly in his deep voice, which made me want to sink into the wall. He stood in front of me. "But it's my workplace," I breathed out when he cut an inch of distance between us. His body was not touching me, but my body still twitched as if his calloused hands were moving all over me. I lowered my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself, but my heartbeat raised when I heard steps coming towards us. "Someone is coming. Go from here," I found myself pleading. The steps became louder as if the person were just a few steps away from opening the door. I don't want rumours to be spread here. An evil smile formed on the corner of his lips looking at the distress on my face. "I'm not afraid to be seen with my wife," he said in his deep, low voice, sending shivers down my spine. My eyes snapped towards him in anger. I know he was doing this on purpose because no one here knows we are married. Why is he breaking the deal?
Contract Marriage: I've always loved you ✅
He fell in love with the girl he had a one-night stand with. When her true nature revealed, he hated himself for loving her and decided never to see her again. However, his fate took an unexpected turn and entangled him in a contract marriage with her, turning the girl he despised into his temporary wife. Will their love-hate relationship lead to a deeper connection, or will it keep them forever bound by the terms of their contract? *** As I spank her, Grace questions in a surprised tone, "What was that?" "That was for leaving your husband alone in the pool," I respond in a teasing tone, seizing her waist and pulling her towards me, stealing her breath. "But, my dear husband, you're pissing me off. Just move away." She tries to break free from my grasp. "Stop moving, Mrs Grey!" "No, I won't listen to you, Mr Grey. You told me you don't want me, so why are you here again?" "I didn't say that I don't want you," I whisper, closing the distance between us, my lips nearing my angry wife's. "It means the same!" She rolls her eyes. "I want you so damn much, okay? And I'm ready to regret it again and again for doing this. Today, I'll show you how much I desire you, my wife." I confess, my fingers playing with her wet hair, and my hand still firmly gripping her waist. "So tell me. Who is stopping you, husband?"Concluída
YOU BORN FOR ME MY WIFE
lil boy (age 4) : Aunt (father's sis) why your tummy is like balloon 0_0 Aunt(Neha): ohoo.... my sona ... give me hug 1st ... and do you really want to know ? lil boy : yupp Neha : here is your wife .. lil boy : my wife !!!!!!! Neha : yes lil boy : but why she is in your tummy ? i want see her Neha : Wait for 2 months , then you'll see her ok. lil boy : can I hug her & kiss her & sleep with her like how grandpa with Grandma & Dad with mom Neha : Ha... ha.. ha ... (burst in laughter) yes lil boy : Then give me my wife .. why you hiding her in your tummy . she is mine so give her to me .. hurry up Neha : sorry you need to wait for her 2 months to see and 18 years for her to grow up but 1st you need study hard , get job , make money and house for her and brcome powerful to protect her , then I'll give you your wife lil boy : for her I'll work hard aatya don't worry I promise you today... so let's go with me to his journey to love her and how he get herConcluída
Who Are You?
*UNDER MAJOR EDITING* PLEASE DON'T READ! IT'S HORRIBLE! I'm trying to fix it. all my life I tried to act to bigger than what I was, never really worked. so I moved to the next thing,my sarcasm. life got better but my brother warned me to watch what I say before I say something to the wrong person. Me being 5 foot, I didn't listen. so when I smashed into a brick wall and seen cold gray eyes staring into my soul my mouth opened on its own. " jesus Christ kid watch it. what even are you?" he stared at me and I opened my fat ass mouth " my next daddy I hope" He glared into my soul as I just registered what I just said " oh fuck my biscuit, SORRY DADDY GOTTA BLAST" as i run past him and into my bakery.Concluída
!["My Little Monster~"|| Selever X Reader [DISCONTINUED]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/268673945-256-k202187.jpg)
#1 - Muslim | 16-11-2024 #1 - Urdu | 11-11-2024 #2 - Desi | 16-11-2024 #3 - Strong Female Lead | 16-11-2024 #4 - Replaced Bride | 30-10-2024 #8 - Love Life | 11-11-2024 #36 - Happily Ever After | 27-10-2024 #14 - Family Issues | 31-03-2025 #75 - Muslim Love Story | 3-10-2024 *** I stormed towards him, anger blurring my sights. The moment I was in front of him, I grabbed hold of his collar with my both hands. As I yell, "Are you cheating on me, Shahzain?" Seems like I took him by surprise, it took him a whole minute to realize what was happening right now. And the moment he did, he loosen my hold on him and pushed me, which had me stumbling back. "Even if I do, it shouldn't matter. I was forced into this marriage, Sobia." He yells back. "I didn't have a choice. But you had. You shouldn't have agreed to this marriage." Only if he knew, all my life it wasn't me who got to select the choice. Neither is this one, the most important one in my life. "I won't tolerate this. Either you leave me or leave her." I stated, anger clouding my senses. He walked towards me and took a hold of my chin in his hand and stated clearly. "And where's the fun in that? You ruined my life. I promised to ruin you till death do us a part." I pushed him hard. I had already suffered much from my so-called family. And I refused to get suffered by my husband. It's all about the limit. The moment I had my limit of misery and pain, I will end all of this. "Are you sure, it's not the other way around?" A humorless chuckle escapes my lips, as my darkest shade of eyes met his grey ones. "Also, just wanted to correct you, my dearest husband. You can't ruin what's already ruined, Shahzain." "And if I find out that you kept meeting her behind my back. I will ruin you and that lover of yours." With that I stormed out of our room, making up my mind.
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