"Love you JJ"
"Do you though?"
"what?"
"doesn't the pressure ever get to you, do you ever get sick of having to be perfect?"
"no, but I don't feel pressure,"
"how? how can you not feel pressure, sometimes all I feel is pressure,"
"Well for one, I'm not perfect, I'm myself"
"but what if when I'm myself no one likes me?"
"How could no one like you?"
"Because I'm fake," I whispered
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Jennifer. Jen. Jenny. J. JJ. Such a pretty name. For someone who is equally pretty. Jen has spent her whole life being 'perfect'. Well, society's definition of perfect. She is rich, pretty, popular, athletic, has a perfect body, smart, kind, all of the above.
But she doesn't want to be perfect.
She doesn't want all of this pressure from her parents, older brother, best friends, teacher, boyfriend. She's only perfect because she feels like no one will like her if she's not. And if no one likes her, then she will be more lonely then she already is.
She has friends but no one would drop everything to be there for her when she feels like she's drowning. Or when all the pressure gets to her and she is about to break. She doesn't have anyone to tape her back together after she breaks. Even if she's gonna break again.
She's perfect. But she fakes it. She's homecoming queen. But she fakes it. She's pretty. But she fakes it. She doesn't want to fake it, but she doesn't want to be alone.
Elliot's partner was his whole world, but after Allan's death, his ghost haunts Elliot's dreams. Everyone tells Elliot to move on, but he isn't sure he can.
*****
It's been a year since the love of Elliot's life, Allan, passed away. Everyone thinks he should have recovered after that much time, but Allan still haunts Elliot every night. He struggles to maintain relationships with his family, and despite a coworkers interest he can't summon up the courage to date. Elliot is living for the past, because to live for the present means he'll have to live with a hole in his heart. But the question Elliot has to face chases him through his monotonous days: is mourning Allan with everything he has truly living?
[[word count: 40,000-50,000 words]]