Waves
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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Fri, Mar 5, 2021
Note: This book will be on hold until further notice, whenever I get a break from all my college work :/ I've been struggling for a while now, but I never thought it would get this bad. I never thought it would get to the point that I didn't want to exist at all. I lay in bed for hours on end, staring at the wall and wondering where it all went wrong. I can't find joy in anything anymore. I can't eat or shower or pull myself out of bed every morning. The days blur together and the floor spins when I stand up. My head aches constantly. I'm slowly pushing people away and blaming it all on them, even though I know it's not their fault. I'm trying so hard to act like I'm okay, even though I'm far from it. It's getting bad again, and this time I don't know how to stop it. "So I will try, try, try to breathe / Till it turns to muscle memory / I'm only steady on my knees / But one day, I'll stand on my own two feet" - Son, Sleeping At Last A book of poems I've written depicting the healing process. "Healing comes and goes in waves, and today, it all seems to be crashing down." TW/CW: discusses anxiety and depression.
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[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression

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