He wants to shout it from the rooftops. He can't, and that hurts.
"Love isn't about finding the perfect person.
Because, if you are measuring perfection based on society's standards, nobody is ever perfect, even though everyone spends their lives striving to reach a level of acceptance that is physically impossible, and destroy themselves from the inside doing so.
No, love isn't about finding that person who is void of flaws, or who is, in a social sense, perfect. Love, in its entirety, is about finding someone who is overwhelmingly imperfect, but willing to grow and learn with you, and it's about finding that person perfect- complete with all of their flaws and imperfections.
It's not about changing someone, or "perfecting" them; it's just seeing the person, whom you wish to spend your life with, and who would break the universe to see you smile, it's about seeing them, an imperfect human being, perfectly.
Harry, in my very broken and flawed mind, is... perfect. He is all that is perfect and all that is sweet and kind and funny just plain weird, but I love him with all of the love my heart could ever wish to possess. I love him with a passion that could silence the world, a passion only seen in storybooks and movies. A raging, fiery, bittersweet, all-consuming passion called love."
TW: Self-harm/mentions of rape
"Nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love"
Love shouldn't hurt, loving somebody with everything you have shouldn't make you feel like you're dying. Louis feels like he's drowning. He should have known where this was going from the start, he should have been prepared. Now he's waking up in an empty bed, some days he doesn't want to even wake up again. There's a hole in his heart; it's in the shape of Harry. Nothing he does can fill it. Drugs, alcohol, pouring out his heart into songs that Harry probably won't ever hear. When Louis is with him, he feels like he's in heaven. Being alone, that's what he feels he deserves, at least Harry can be happier without him.
Maybe if they met at a different time, under different circumstances, he could have saved them. Louis had to do what was best for Harry, but it kills him a little everyday. Louis sees his smile everyday, but he knows it's no longer for him. Someone else makes Harry happier, but Louis wanted it to be him. They could have had forever. Louis would have given Harry everything.
"Forget what I said, it's not what I meant" Harry had tried to say, but Louis knew that wasn't the truth. After everything they've been through, Louis still loves him.