The One That Saves Me
  • Reads 3,048
  • Votes 102
  • Parts 20
  • Time 6h 29m
  • Reads 3,048
  • Votes 102
  • Parts 20
  • Time 6h 29m
Complete, First published Sep 24, 2014
There’s a moment of silence but it’s not awkward or uncomfortable. Harry is oddly reassured just by the fact that Louis is on the other side of the phone. Everything still feels unbearable, but him, being there, it’s enough for now.Harry’s never really come to terms with what goes on in his house when his mother isn’t home, has never admitted even to himself that this, this thing that’s happening to him, is real. Nearly nine years of sexual and physical abuse and he’s still trying to learn to grunt and bear it. He finds ways of coping, whether it be slicing his wrists or throwing up his dinner just because he needs control ofsomething. And on the outside he’s a smiling, cheeky sixteen-year-old, but on the inside he’s broken, damaged goods with no hope of ever being truly happy.
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Looking back, Harry can differentiate the stages of it. It started with conscious eating, with trying to know exactly what was in his food and not wanting to put garbage into his body. Gradually, he started to work out more. And then came the restricting, where he slowly reeled back on carbs and fatty foods and sugar. But it wasn't too bad yet. All it was was thinking extra hard about his food choices and avoiding certain things. It was okay. Eventually, it stopped being okay. or, Harry struggles with an eating disorder. RUNNING FAST, STANDING IN PLACE (QUICK BREATHS, IT'LL END SOON) BY BRAVESTYLES ON AO3