"Hope" or "Disappointment".??

"Hope" or "Disappointment".??

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You've always been my inspiration. My wish, my thought when I go to sleep.. Your cologne is the scent I search for in the crowd, even though we never met. Your face is the view my eyes seeks for, even my eyes knows our eyes will never meet. Your presence is what my heart craves, even though my heart never felt that warmness. Handing over my fragile heart in your hand, even though I know you're not handling it(accepting it). Hoping you'll open the door, even though I know I am standing in front of the window waiting. Hoping that we'll be on the same boat for the journey, even though I know you've already already reached the shore(last line is inspired by BTS Taehyung's song "sweet night"). Hoping to make a snowman, even though I know the snow has already started melting. Hoping to walk(hold your hand) with you, even though I know the only thing I can do is gaze at you like a stupid. What should I name this feeling "Hope" or "Disappointment".??? Me and my unrequited love.!!
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It's like a deep tunnel. You cannot turn back because it's too steep. There is no turning back. You keep going in. The darkness becomes your friend and you fall in love with loneliness. Darker thoughts are no more alien to you. All you want is to end your misery right now. Can you? Can anyone help you? My eyes were staring into nothingness outside my window. It's the only opening window in my room. Moonshining with its full glory. Do you know it borrows the glory from the Sun, it's not it's own? That's how this life is.

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